School - one step forward, two steps back...

[Marguerite]

Sorry, one more thing - watch for the language used. Body language too. Your description of the daughter's body language as you observed (you are a good reporter, by the way) told me a lot. There is an aide in the local school who easy child 2/difficult child 2 had to deal with when she ran some drama classes after school. The aide was on staff to supervise the kids at after school care and was very erratic in how she managed them. Her language was very negative, very "over the top" and emotive. She would say to the kids that they were being "disgusting" or "horrid" or "Simply appalling". I was helping easy child 2/difficult child 2 by this stage because the paid carer was not only ineffective, she was damaging to the morale and discipline of these kids. I heard this woman say to the kids, just as easy child 2/difficult child 2 got the kids to quiet down, "You lot are all being absolutely appalling this afternoon!" when only one or two were being noisy; all got lumped in together, so after a while none of them bothered to try to behave.

There was an incident once when difficult child 3 rode his bike to the library, in the school grounds. I got a phone call from them to say that difficult child 3 had ridden his bike at a kid in this woman's care. I went down to sort it out - difficult child 3 being back at home at this stage. The aide said that difficult child 3 "had viciously attacked" the younger boy, "maliciously ridden his bike" and other strong language. I noted who the other boy was as well as noted how he wasn't injured other than a graze that drew no blood. He wasn't crying, he was happily chatting to a friend. I also remembered the kid from previous incidents (not involving difficult child) and remembered the kid as a stirrer. difficult child 3 is basically a good kid, although I accept that he can act impulsively and would hurt a kid who started something. The history of interactions (including independent witnesses) have overwhelmingly borne this out.

I spoke to difficult child 3 - I suspect he did ride his bike at the other kid, after being provoked verbally. I banned difficult child 3 from riding his bike for several weeks and permanently banned him from riding his bike to the school unless I was with him. That ban still stands - not that I don't trust difficult child 3, but if I'm there as witness, nobody can say such things again and get away with it.

To use language like that is to distort the truth. That is why I recommend, when you diarise the incidents, that you use impartial language and nothing emotive, at least not in the appendix/report.

Always recognise tat other people have problems too, and aren't always balanced. People are individually selfish - we all are, and want our own agenda to rule. And when someone is in trouble, child or adult, their first reaction is to try to hose it down. After that - a good person, confident in themselves, will be honest and open. But this is rare. A lot of people, adults too, will lie to save face or to cover up what they did wrong. After all, it is done now so what can be achieved by dragging it all up now? (is what they will use to justify this).

Good luck. I have a feeling that this won't go away too fast. I hope I'm wrong.

Marg

 

[Shari]

OK, I'm back.

Shari, the history explains a fair bit here. The problem teacher founded the school and therefore still feels some ownership of it, still feels that she should be able to set the standards. Her daughter probably has similar ideas (from the mother probably pontificating at home and using the school to 'teach' daughter that might is right, daughter is now perfect as a result of these modified attitudes mother learned during raising daughter).

Marg - you are right on. When I spoke with the director, she acknowledged this was a problem. The director said that she is getting pressure from the board to do something about this teacher and I am far from the first parent to complain. The school recently purchased and moved into a larger building, so they have gone from a small school with a waiting list to recruiting students, now, and because of this teacher, have actually lost enrollments. I guess I feel that something will be done about her and am willing to give a little time to allow that to happen - with a safety net in place, of course, to keep difficult child from being her target in the meantime.

I may rewrite some of the concerns expressed in this post by others to take with me when I meet with the director again. I'm pushing to make this meeting happen quickly, and am going to ask that neither this teacher nor her daughter be allowed to "punish" difficult child - if he needs something, to allow one of the other aides to step in and handle it, and at any point if any "timeout" lasts for more than 7 or 8 minutes, someone else to step in (even if that means to call me), because obviously the time-out isn't working.

My gut tells me this will work out, but still, I am half-prepared to be told to pull him out of school there. If that happens, we'll deal with it.

When I dropped him off this morning, his teacher's car wasn't there. I called as soon as I got to work and asked if she was coming in - they said she's on her way. Otherwise, I was going back to pull him out for the day. Make up some excuse that I was allowed to work from home today or something....

 

[Marguerite]

Keep doing this - pull him out if/when his teacher is not going to be there. Tell his teacher you are doing this and why. Also tell the school, in writing, that you are compelled to do this until they sort the problem out to your satisfaction.

By putting it in writing you give the school two things:

1) You give them the ammunition they need to justify getting rid of this teacher or at least calling her to heel; and

2) You make it clear that they MUST act, they can't keep sitting on their hands and hope it will all blow over. It won't.

I was told in a private phone call last night that the local school here has had a new principal appointed at last - we have teachers like yours (two, in the same family) who have been controlling attitudes etc at the local school here to the point where even the principal has caved and allowed them to have their way. Numbers have been plummeting and it's been unpleasant in the village even for families whose children have graduated out (like difficult child 3). Anyone who left because of problems with these teachers (and the flow-on problems in the attitudes of other staff, including the ban on therapists observing) has been getting publicly attacked. Nasty stuff.

SO if your school finally does something permanent with these teachers, or does not - will determine whether it gets back on track, or ends up in the doldrums like our local school.

I think we both are going to have interesting things to report over the next few months.

Here's for early retirement for certain staff members!

Marg