Scorched earth? What do you think?

[CrazyinVA]

One thing I would keep in mind here and research is whether you could be called back to the state to give a statement in connection with this, or have to stay involved throughout the process once the wheels start turning. It could drag out for quite some time, and it may not be possible for you to file, leave, and forget about it and wait for the outcome to be communicated to you, if you're the one filing the complaint. Just something to ask the attorney with which you consult, and to weigh into your decision.

I believe in letting things go, for me it's an important part of my own healing process. I've chosen not to pursue certain things against either of my exes, and let people think what they wanted. I know the truth, and that's enough for me. Obviously it's a completely different situation, though. Each person has to heal in their way, and I understand why you're wanting to do this. I pray you find peace once all is said and done.

 

[trinityroyal]

I know without a doubt that I will hate myself if I don't do this.

Witz, I think this sums up your cost benefit analysis. The cost to you of not acting is higher than any cost you could incur by acting on this. So the question now is, what to do?

From a purely strategic point of view, you don't want to give the enemy camp advance notice of your battle plan. As for how hard to hit, again, what's the risk/benefit to you of each possible level of hardness? I think the only way to settle your heart in the matter is to hit as hard as you can conceivably do without getting burned by the blowback.

 

[dashcat]

Witz,
I've only learned of your story recently. It is heartbreaking. Still, I question the wisdom of your taking this any further. What do you hope to gain really? There is an expression that helped me to deal with (admittedly a very different - and far less painful situation) with my ex-husband's infidelity: If you seek revenge, prepare to dig two graves.

I'm afraid you'll hurt yourself far more if you pursue this than if you do not. Think long and hard.
Dash

 

[DaisyFace]

There seems to be some misunderstanding. I'm not filing a lawsuit. I'm filing a complaint with the Bar Association. They will find wrongdoing. They may choose to levy a fine against him or award me compensation. No lawsuit.

LOL! No, I didn't misunderstand you...I just wasn't sure of the right terminology to use when typing my post. I was trying to express the idea that lawyers, judges, and the other folks that work in the court system tend to develop close friendships, creating almost that "boys club" atmosphere. I wanted to say that the people involved in the whole system might be relunctant to investigate one of their golfing buddies (or what not)...

but from what you say, it sounds like there are already a number of complaints and he doesn't seem to have a lot of fans in the system.

 

[Star*]

I WOULD BURN HIS EARTH......

This is a matter that will never be closed for you because they left a Grand Canyon sized hole in your life. If this is how you feel it will fill in the gap? Then I think it's something that won't be resolved with you until you do it, and prove to your children your innocence. What was done to you was hideous, and the only way they accomplished it was to tarnish your good name by lying about you for years. I think if you can vindicate yourself then it's not vengence - it's vindication.

 

[donna723]

I think so too Witz! I know where you're coming from and I say if you're absolutely sure that there's no way he can possibly get back at you and hurt you, GO FOR IT! I went through a lot of the same things during my divorce, although certainly not as bad or for as long as you did. And getting back at him, even in little ways, was tremendously rewarding! It really helped me to feel empowered again and helped to get me out of that "victim mentality". I absolutely relished it! I never once invented anything or embellished anything. I didn't have to. He did it to himself. All I did was to bring a few things that I knew about to the attention of the right people. In most cases he may not have even known that it was me who blew the whistle on him but I knew and that was enough! When he tried to claim our son on his income tax return after I had already filed and claimed him (in our divorce decree that I got to claim him every year), it was ME that reported it to the IRS and he had to pay back the extra money he got! And when I got wind of it that he and his new girlfriend were planning to move out of their house in the middle of the night to keep from paying the rent they owed, it was ME that tipped off his landlord, a friend of mine. And when I found out that he had skipped out on several hundred dollars he owed to the tire store owner in town, I was more than happy to supply him with his new address so he could sue him! And when his new girlfriend found out that she was now on the "not eligible for rehire" list at her former job, that was ME too! There were a few things that she did that I knew about but they didn't - now they do! Happy to oblige! He never knew it was me ... he just thought he had a really long run of very bad luck! And when he lost his job because he thought the rules didn't apply to him, and when his new wife that he had dumped us for turned around and did the exact same thing to him? I reveled in it! I danced around singing and absolutely wallowed in it! It's good when the evil that people do catches up with them ... it's even better when you get to watch it happen!

So Witz, if doing this to him will give you even half the pleasure that I think it will, I say go for it! You're not inventing anything, he chose to do this to himself! All you're doing is bringing it to the attention of the right people. It's stilll not enough for all the horrible things he did to you, but it will do! Karma is a wonderful thing and eventually it catches up with these people, but sometimes it just needs a little nudge...

 

[HaoZi]

If you seek revenge, prepare to dig two graves.

I remember seeing that on Jonah Hex!

Anyway, just remember when you scorch the earth to salt it afterwards, too.

 

[Star*]

And if you seek vindication? Hand the Bturd a shovel - he's already dug his own.

 

[busywend]

Witz, would M be impacted in any way?

 

[DammitJanet]

Witz I actually think this is something you have needed to do for you for a long time. Your biological family situation and L's situation has never been good. This has been something that has been so very hard on you and was never fair. This opportunity is only going to come along once. After what L has done I can see no reason why you would ever want to be in a relationship with her again. I think that people ruined any hopes of you and her having any relationship long ago.

 

[1905]

Do it, we only regret the things we don't do. I think it was Einstein who said, "I didn't fail 473 times, I learned 473 ways not to do it. Follow your heart, live without regrets, you only live once, you did nothing wrong, let the world see what a creep he is.

 

[rejectedmom]

Witz, You say there is no harm that could come to you and you do need closure. If doing this will get it for you, then go for it. And... while you are at it... maybe follow up with a lawsuit for pain and suffering that will keep you rolling in money for the rest of your days. Not that money could ever give you back what you lost, but it couldm ake you more comfotable and everytime you spent a little of it you would get the satisfaction of knowing that he continues to pay for his awful behaviors.

 

[witzend]

Things are moving so fast and furious, I don't know if I will have time for this before I leave. I did talk to a lawyer, and he did assure me that while it would be difficult to get an attorney to assist, it wouldn't be difficult to get him disciplined or disbarred.

The evidence is there for anyone who knows how to look for it. It may end up being something I don when I have time later on, but I have no qualms about having him investigated. Shredding 20 years worth of paperwork only reinforces that. What a horrible human being, and what a detriment to women and children that man is.

 

[DazedandConfused]

Well, Wiz, having followed your story with L and her father over the years, and all that you were put through, and how things stand now, I can understand you wanting, needing, to do this. Metaphorically, you been hanging on to this grenade for years. Now, you are ready to pull the pin and hurl it at him. I think those concerned just want to make sure no shrapnel hits you. Take care.