Scraping By

[Littleboylost]

I need to remember that only I can fulfill me with some help from my spouse! My kids think what they think. I can do this!

Yes you can. A very Merry Christmas SWOT!

 

[youngfool]

I have tbought of writing a horrific family update as a joke in a Christmas card. All my family and close buddies know how I loathe brag letters, in Christmas cards and FB. Although some deny it, the purpose of them are to say "Haha. Look at what we accomplished that you didn't. Aren't we great?"

Do they think we care? Maybe some people do think,"wish it were me. Wow, Susie is a swell Mom or her son wouldn't be an astronaut."

But I am a cynic. That astronaut may rarely visit Mom and may be rude to his parents. I am one who sees a perfect looking family and wonders if the parents are alcoholics.

The thing is, we don't know and those things never make it to FB.

Nothing is perfect. Little is as good as we think. It is best to focus on us and be as good to us as we can.

Love and hugs.

Boy that hits home FB is such a bunch of s@@t people show a snap shot and the reality behind it is usually far from what is real.Or am I just jealous that others lives are seemingly so much better than mine.dont know but I've grown to not like it.anyway I try to stay away from the site.glad to hear someone else wonder if having children was the right thing as it stands I have to lock my doors use cameras screen my calls lie about being out of town so I don't get robed yeh let me know when all this is great

 

[Littleboylost]

Christmas came and went and we had sons attentiib for all of 30 hours or so. The. He was right back to cop mom and girlfriend. He was very agitated as he was unable to smoke pot around us. It was a turbulent time and I now find I have PTSD after the visit bad bad anxiety. Anger and disappointment, really feeling sorry for myself.

Of course he can manage to obtain pot and cigarettes but not a small token gift or card for his parents.

I now have a miserable head cold to go along with my PTSD. Netflix and bed today.

 

[Sam3]

Sorry LBL

Mine is in an IOP trial but still managed to make clear he would rather have had cash than the presents we had gotten him. Good thing the sentimental one never arrived.

 

[pasajes4]

Staying in bed sounds really good right about now, and I don't have a head cold. I just don't want to adult today. Take care of yourself. The issues with your son can stay on the back burner for now.. A nice hot toddy would pair nicely with a shmaltzy movie.

 

[Lil]

He was right back to cop mom and girlfriend. He was very agitated as he was unable to smoke pot around us. It was a turbulent time and I now find I have PTSD after the visit bad bad anxiety. Anger and disappointment, really feeling sorry for myself.

Of course he can manage to obtain pot and cigarettes but not a small token gift or card for his parents.

When I think back over the last several years and all the ruined Christmases, it makes me really sad. Ruined by him - obviously. Christmases where he'd open his gifts and leave with his loser friends. Christmases where he'd behave badly or stay in his room and ignore us. Christmases where he announced he was failing school. Christmases where he was homeless. One Christmas, as late as Christmas eve night, he made it clear that he'd gotten a gift and that it would be under the tree the next day. I even gave him the wrapping supplies. I went to bed believing that my son had bought something for us. I got up believing that. There was, of course, no gift. We'd even given him shopping money and he got us nothing. How dare he make me believe he had right up to Christmas morning? Really, just typing that makes me a bit ill - it was one of the worst days of my life.

But since that day, I've had better Christmases too. Jabber and I decided to take a trip to Vegas 2015 and had a blast! Really...I don't remember much about 2016 - but it wasn't memorable, so it wasn't awful. This year was quiet and uneventful, but nice. Talked to son, got a Christmas card from him and his girlfriend, just kinda normal.

Hang in there LBL. These sad holidays will pass and someday you will have better ones. Who knows...maybe someday there will really be a gift under our trees.

 

[Littleboylost]

Sorry LBL

Mine is in an IOP trial but still managed to make clear he would rather have had cash than the presents we had gotten him. Good thing the sentimental one never arrived.

I am so sick and tired. That is so crass and cruel Sam. Who are these uncaring people?! I want this ride to end. I have the flu as well. It never ends. I am at a point where I just want to protect me and just have nothing more to do with him. Clearly his message is he doesn’t need us. Of course that is until he needs stuff or gets the boot from the GFs. At least I know he is safe and warm in this deep freeze.

 

[Littleboylost]

Staying in bed sounds really good right about now, and I don't have a head cold. I just don't want to adult today. Take care of yourself. The issues with your son can stay on the back burner for now.. A nice hot toddy would pair nicely with a shmaltzy movie.

I did exactly that. Sadly my head cold has turned into the Flu. This too shall pass.

 

[Littleboylost]

When I think back over the last several years and all the ruined Christmases, it makes me really sad. Ruined by him - obviously. Christmases where he'd open his gifts and leave with his loser friends. Christmases where he'd behave badly or stay in his room and ignore us. Christmases where he announced he was failing school. Christmases where he was homeless. One Christmas, as late as Christmas eve night, he made it clear that he'd gotten a gift and that it would be under the tree the next day. I even gave him the wrapping supplies. I went to bed believing that my son had bought something for us. I got up believing that. There was, of course, no gift. We'd even given him shopping money and he got us nothing. How dare he make me believe he had right up to Christmas morning? Really, just typing that makes me a bit ill - it was one of the worst days of my life.

But since that day, I've had better Christmases too. Jabber and I decided to take a trip to Vegas 2015 and had a blast! Really...I don't remember much about 2016 - but it wasn't memorable, so it wasn't awful. This year was quiet and uneventful, but nice. Talked to son, got a Christmas card from him and his girlfriend, just kinda normal.

Hang in there LBL. These sad holidays will pass and someday you will have better ones. Who knows...maybe someday there will really be a gift under our trees.

thank you Lil. None of us deserve this misery. Yet here we are. Life is strange isn’t it? Today will be another day in bed. Flu has a nasty grip and we are in the middle of a deep freeze. Another day in bed for me.

 

[youngfool]

When I think back over the last several years and all the ruined Christmases, it makes me really sad. Ruined by him - obviously. Christmases where he'd open his gifts and leave with his loser friends. Christmases where he'd behave badly or stay in his room and ignore us. Christmases where he announced he was failing school. Christmases where he was homeless. One Christmas, as late as Christmas eve night, he made it clear that he'd gotten a gift and that it would be under the tree the next day. I even gave him the wrapping supplies. I went to bed believing that my son had bought something for us. I got up believing that. There was, of course, no gift. We'd even given him shopping money and he got us nothing. How dare he make me believe he had right up to Christmas morning? Really, just typing that makes me a bit ill - it was one of the worst days of my life.

But since that day, I've had better Christmases too. Jabber and I decided to take a trip to Vegas 2015 and had a blast! Really...I don't remember much about 2016 - but it wasn't memorable, so it wasn't awful. This year was quiet and uneventful, but nice. Talked to son, got a Christmas card from him and his girlfriend, just kinda normal.

Hang in there LBL. These sad holidays will pass and someday you will have better ones. Who knows...maybe someday there will really be a gift under our trees.

Hi lil your Xmas stories are a chapter in my life .one Xmas I went to visit him where he was living at the time an 8 hour drive his girl friend at the time was sending me list of the things he wanted and I got them all plus spent couple hundred on regular everyday things pants deodorant shaving stuff anyway he kept telling me my gift was arriving any time now well you can guess when it came never I too get boiled up just saying this.then the time he returned the gifts I got because he didn't think they were thoughtful enough of course he got me nothing.In all the Xmas birthdays father days I have received exactly 1 card on Father's Day 2 weeks late and only after his mother told him she would cut him off if he didn't.As I write this I'm realizing what a fool I've been why do I worry about him or care he has no empathy at all .o yeah the Xmas where I paid his rent for 2 months then I explained that I was short on money and I could not buy an x-box with games so he told me what a bad dad I was and I didn't love him so he got nothing but another Xmas ruined hope one day to have a normal holiday.thanks for sharing I thought I was the only one. Keep in touch

 

[Littleboylost]

Hi lil your Xmas stories are a chapter in my life .one Xmas I went to visit him where he was living at the time an 8 hour drive his girl friend at the time was sending me list of the things he wanted and I got them all plus spent couple hundred on regular everyday things pants deodorant shaving stuff anyway he kept telling me my gift was arriving any time now well you can guess when it came never I too get boiled up just saying this.then the time he returned the gifts I got because he didn't think they were thoughtful enough of course he got me nothing.In all the Xmas birthdays father days I have received exactly 1 card on Father's Day 2 weeks late and only after his mother told him she would cut him off if he didn't.As I write this I'm realizing what a fool I've been why do I worry about him or care he has no empathy at all .o yeah the Xmas where I paid his rent for 2 months then I explained that I was short on money and I could not buy an x-box with games so he told me what a bad dad I was and I didn't love him so he got nothing but another Xmas ruined hope one day to have a normal holiday.thanks for sharing I thought I was the only one. Keep in touch

YF you are so not alone. I am new at this compared to all of you. Son is 18. I am learning to toughen up and set strong boundaries and expectations. This comes from all of the wisdom here in this site.

It is a comfort to my soul to know I am not alone. I wish none of us had to be here.

As someone once said in here if being a loving parent could cure this, none of us would be here.

I feel better each time I come here. It is a tonic I need to survive this insanity.

 

[youngfool]

I did exactly that. Sadly my head cold has turned into the Flu. This too shall pass.

Hi lbl sorry your here but it's always better than suffering alone your remark about the pot and cigarettes but not so much as a card has been a regular story in my life so sad yet obviously not so rare a story hope you feel better and soon the holidays will be over they seem to magnify our problems but sadly it seems that we are just waiting for the next problem to arrive keep in touch. Feel better

 

[DoneDad]

Son 25 said he was coming home for Christmas. Working and a work party (waiter at a fancy restaurant in big city about an hour away) the day before so he’d take the train on Christmas. Wife put up her Santa display he likes, cooked dinner, sister and brother in law over. So, I text him in the morning asking what is ETA.

No reply.

Around noon text again.

No reply.

Finally call around 4. He answers and says he’s not coming because he has food poisoning. Wife is crying, but we get it together and have dinner.

Since then, he’s not answering phone or replying to texts. Wife is on his bank account, so she sees if there’s activity so we know if he’s alive. Turns out he spent $50 at a liquor store on Christmas Day, and has been spending like that every day recently.

Really disappointing and concerning. This in addition to our 27 year old daughter being pregnant again (different loser baby daddy) is making for a lousy holiday season. We’re already talking about where we’re going next Christmas.

 

[Lost in sadness]

Swot...
After reading your Brady Hallmark Christmas I had to smile
For years we received a yearly newsletter from an old family friend that I hadn’t seen since my childhood. Billy was a champion hockey player, Olympic bound. Sally was a gold medalist in gymnastics, music and both children were gifted Honors students.. you get the gist.
My husband and I decided to pen a rough draft of our “ Christmas Newsletter” just for our eyes only, a few years back.
It started off with “This year we are happy to say we are all alive. That is truly a miracle In Itself. Johnny our smart, witty and handsome son was sentenced to 2-4 years for drug paraphernalia and fleeing and eluding. Oh, and a “little robbery” for 30.00 to fuel his drug addiction. After stealing my car Without a license and making a run for it, we feel blessed because it could have been a much longer sentence. Thank God he was sentenced to a State Penn because we will be able to visit in person and have physical contact (like hugs!)
Mary, our beautiful and kind Mary, she and her boyfriend became crack addicts. She said it felt really good doing it but cost a lot of money ( she spent her entire savings and checking accts ) and the extra bonus.. she did succeed at getting below 95 lbs so she surpassed her goal! Plus, she now has a lot of costly dental work to the teeth that she neglected from the crack use. Hopefully, she will regain her $8,000.00 smile she had at 15 after 7 years of orthodontia! On an optimistic side, we loaded boyfriend’s sh*t up in the truck and dropped him off at his sister’s house at our daughters request. Another miracle!!
And lastly, hubby and I were both hospitalized, he had a heart attack on the table as soon as I got him in to the ER. God watched over him and he had a stent placed. I was in ICU for 3 days - heart attack- not sure. No blockages during catheterization. Stress??
Why of course - easily controlled! Not.

As you can see, I’m making light of the most horrible journey a parent can have. I've cried so many tears, prayed so many prayers. Honestly, the holidays exacerbate it all. We will all be together, everyone healthier for today which truly is a blessing!! Most likely prison time will be served in the New Year, rehabs will be part of our life, court hearings will become normal. But for today, we are just trying to enjoy today. The New Year promises us our “new normal”.. plenty of time to worry then.
Blessings to you all for a “Silent Night”...

True, Laugh out loud funny but sad all rolled into one!! xx

 

[Littleboylost]

Drugs do that to you. The fear of prison is OOOOOOOOVER. That only lasted for a little while. He may even need another stay in jail before you get him to rehab, I am sad to say. You may have to revoke his bail to keep him motivated. Or the court may see his attendance and the other things that are reported to them and may pull their offer. Sadly, they may not.

Pick the next important step that he NEEDS to do. Then enjoy your peaceful house and let Cop Mom deal with him. You know sooner or later he will steal from her and she will figure it out and have a hissy fit. Or her daughter will steal from her and your son will get the blame. Either way, enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts. Yes, I know you will worry. You are the mom, it is your job. Just make sure you limit the time you spend on worrying!

Man oh man Suszie you are so right he doesn’t even have the risk of prison on his radar. The intake coordinator for rehab is planing an intake state of the union talk with my son. She has collected data and expectations from us and the courts. She has agreed that harm and stress reduction for us is the best way to manage son right now. This still makes my head spin and my eyesight pop out like an old cartoon character. How can 10 days in Jail a month ago be so long gone from his memory. It is so baffling to me. I know it is drugs and choices. But me sober and realistic is still saying holy crap. Bottom has a basement and my son likes to dwell there. Ugh!!

 

[Littleboylost]

I am glad it helped. I really want everyone to remember that nothing is ever Hallmark.

Love and hugs to all and let's try to put everything into perspective and focus on ourselves. The holidays are a pain in the neck to everyone and perfect for very few . Heck, family expectations are rarely The Brady Bunch. If they had been real, one of those little darlings probably would have taken drugs and Dad would have heard from Jan, "You're not my real father and furthermore these whiny boys aren't my real brothers!"

Alice would have thought, in quiet moments, "I can't quit because the salary is too good, but Cindy and Peter are brats."
Mr. Brady would have lost his temper at times and who knows? Mrs. Brady might have asked herself,"Why did I agree to this? I have no life now. It's kids, kids, kids! I want to have time for myself!"

Tv is the great pretender. As is Facebook. You think Mom is going to post."Johnny is a doctor now and we are so proud, but....i never see him anymore and his wife is a biotch who rarely brings Little Johnny to see us, but HER parents are with him all the time!" FB is a plAce to show off, but we don't hear the backstory. Heck, Dr. Johnny can take drugs. Ma y doctors have addiction problems. Think that will be on FB?

Let's try to stay in reality. Easy kids can hurt us too and mostly they dont even know it. No family is perfect

In our case, hubby finally grew a pair, called Jumper, and told her Monday is better since Sonic has to work today, and she is coming Monday after she and fiance are done doing Christmas with fiance s grandparents. Why grandparents did not go to the big family get together yesterday, I don't know. They probably did but wanted a more private time on Monday morning too.
Well, that's nice, but we want to see our kids on a day when Sonic doesn't work. So Jumper and Fiance are coming today (and b i l and s i l) and tomorrow they are coming back and Sonic will be there too.

Honestly, maybe nexy year we can do an early bird Christmas and take off in our RV. I would like to see Bart and grandson for Christmas too for once. And it's minus zero something today. I would rather be South.

Bah humbug!

Still laughing ....Shoe Box greeting cards are to mild for us here let alone Halmark. Lol.

 

[Littleboylost]

Swot...
After reading your Brady Hallmark Christmas I had to smile
For years we received a yearly newsletter from an old family friend that I hadn’t seen since my childhood. Billy was a champion hockey player, Olympic bound. Sally was a gold medalist in gymnastics, music and both children were gifted Honors students.. you get the gist.
My husband and I decided to pen a rough draft of our “ Christmas Newsletter” just for our eyes only, a few years back.
It started off with “This year we are happy to say we are all alive. That is truly a miracle In Itself. Johnny our smart, witty and handsome son was sentenced to 2-4 years for drug paraphernalia and fleeing and eluding. Oh, and a “little robbery” for 30.00 to fuel his drug addiction. After stealing my car Without a license and making a run for it, we feel blessed because it could have been a much longer sentence. Thank God he was sentenced to a State Penn because we will be able to visit in person and have physical contact (like hugs!)
Mary, our beautiful and kind Mary, she and her boyfriend became crack addicts. She said it felt really good doing it but cost a lot of money ( she spent her entire savings and checking accts ) and the extra bonus.. she did succeed at getting below 95 lbs so she surpassed her goal! Plus, she now has a lot of costly dental work to the teeth that she neglected from the crack use. Hopefully, she will regain her $8,000.00 smile she had at 15 after 7 years of orthodontia! On an optimistic side, we loaded boyfriend’s sh*t up in the truck and dropped him off at his sister’s house at our daughters request. Another miracle!!
And lastly, hubby and I were both hospitalized, he had a heart attack on the table as soon as I got him in to the ER. God watched over him and he had a stent placed. I was in ICU for 3 days - heart attack- not sure. No blockages during catheterization. Stress??
Why of course - easily controlled! Not.

As you can see, I’m making light of the most horrible journey a parent can have. I've cried so many tears, prayed so many prayers. Honestly, the holidays exacerbate it all. We will all be together, everyone healthier for today which truly is a blessing!! Most likely prison time will be served in the New Year, rehabs will be part of our life, court hearings will become normal. But for today, we are just trying to enjoy today. The New Year promises us our “new normal”.. plenty of time to worry then.
Blessings to you all for a “Silent Night”...

I laughed and cried through this. I am keeping this handy for when I feel low, and see other people through their Halmark lenses.

I honestly had 2-3 very long and severe episodes of panic and anxiety over the last few days. I though to myself If I do not get this under conteol I may well have a hear attack. I was hyperventilating and Chlostrophobic (sp?). I medicated and it eventually worked and helped but I do believe I may need a back up sedative on hand. It was very frightening.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

One day at a time LBL...as long as they are enabled they will usually continue their bad habits. My DS and YS have their father and your son has his girlfriend’s mother. All we can do is accept that we cannot change them and protect ourselves. So sorry your son isn’t ready yet and even sorrier that your plans to hold him accountable were ruined by his girlfriend’s nosy, interfering mother.

Hope your vacation was very relaxing. We fly out tomorrow and we cannot wait! 15 degrees here 80 degrees where we are going!

 

[Littleboylost]

One day at a time LBL...as long as they are enabled they will usually continue their bad habits. My DS and YS have their father and your son has his girlfriend’s mother. All we can do is accept that we cannot change them and protect ourselves. So sorry your son isn’t ready yet and even sorrier that your plans to hold him accountable were ruined by his girlfriend’s nosy, interfering mother.

Hope your vacation was very relaxing. We fly out tomorrow and we cannot wait! 15 degrees here 80 degrees where we are going!

Thanks BBU and enjoy!!

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

Son 25 said he was coming home for Christmas. Working and a work party (waiter at a fancy restaurant in big city about an hour away) the day before so he’d take the train on Christmas. Wife put up her Santa display he likes, cooked dinner, sister and brother in law over. So, I text him in the morning asking what is ETA.

No reply.

Around noon text again.

No reply.

Finally call around 4. He answers and says he’s not coming because he has food poisoning. Wife is crying, but we get it together and have dinner.

Since then, he’s not answering phone or replying to texts. Wife is on his bank account, so she sees if there’s activity so we know if he’s alive. Turns out he spent $50 at a liquor store on Christmas Day, and has been spending like that every day recently.

Really disappointing and concerning. This in addition to our 27 year old daughter being pregnant again (different loser baby daddy) is making for a lousy holiday season. We’re already talking about where we’re going next Christmas.

DoneDad, I am sorry for your pain and that of your wife. We are very familiar with the no show, no call, no text, disappear routine. It never gets any easier. We are also talking about reclaiming Xmas as a time to travel and escape together. These kids are young adults, and they are making their choices. About time we made some choices of our own rather than continue to be their hostages.