Scraping By

[Littleboylost]

DoneDad, I am sorry for your pain and that of your wife. We are very familiar with the no show, no call, no text, disappear routine. It never gets any easier. We are also talking about reclaiming Xmas as a time to travel and escape together. These kids are young adults, and they are making their choices. About time we made some choices of our own rather than continue to be their hostages.

There is a saying in Naranon addicts don’t have family they have hostages. I believe that is how many of us feel.

 

[Albatross]

It is very sad to read about some of these disappointing family "celebrations." Problems caused by difficult children seem to really come to a head around the holidays. I'm hoping this year rings in better times.

 

[youngfool]

Hi SB been following your story it's sounds like a chapter in my life. Once when my son was 18 I had to kick him out have had to 2 other times but I regres so he went to live with another D.C. And his mom was a nurse the whole house was crazy he fit right in.So one day I run into the mom at the store and I let her know that she was doing him no favor as long as she provided him he would stay. So she wises up and makes him leave of course I was new at this kicking out thing next thing I know my phone starts blowing up after 3 days on the street he is ready to come home but I put rules in place and figured ok he learned a lesson. But as you can guess that did not last very long. He is turning 26 in 2 months and I think he is worse off now. Before it could be blamed on being immature now I don't know what you call it besides crazy. My point in all this is weather he is in your house or someone else's he is going to continue till he figures it out. I know it's hard to watch but do we really have a choice. Cop mom must be going crazy herself you would think if not good for her let it go you can only buy a bandaid on it at this point you can't heal it believe me this whole website is full of caring parents going thru what you are and worse. Last but not least it's easier said than done nothing good comes easy we have set backs but we go on one good thought that helps me is at this point if your here helping is not helping so hard to go against our natural instincts to protect but that is only my opinion hope things get better keep posting it helps

 

[New Leaf]

There is a saying in Naranon addicts don’t have family they have hostages. I believe that is how many of us feel.

Yup, hostages. Once we are drawn into the sticky web of addiction, we are right were the addict and drug of choice wants us to be. It is a hard reality to learn, but when we realize the truth of it, look back on the swirly whirly, we begin to understand how the cycle continues. Drugs are the focal point for our addicted d cs, they use drugs and use us.
The empty promises and lies cut to the heart, my d cs don’t bat an eye over any of it.
Breaking free of it takes work.
No expectations. Hope, but no guarantees. Breaking away from a desired outcome for a loved one is not easy. The more I envision the life I would like my two to have, the more tangled up I get.
So, the reality bites, but looking at it hard in the face is liberating.
That voice inside my head that kept arguing and pontificating that “this is not how I raised my two”, or, “this is not them!” had to give way to “this is them, now, on drugs.”
Sad, but true.
The “this is them now” keeps me a little more on my toes. Holidays and expecting even a phone call? Huh. Nope. Did I buy gifts for them? Nope. I didn’t see them. Didn’t expect to.
We have pared way down on gifts, opting to spend time with one another, my well kids and grands. It will be the same for the New Year.
My two are content at the moment to just barely scrape by.
It is what it is.
LBL, this is good news that your son proceeded on his intake for rehab. Hopefully he will find a bed soon.
Take care of yourself, the flu is a bad one this year.
Hope you are feeling better!
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[Littleboylost]

helping is not helping so hard to go against our natural instincts to protect

That is exactly it. When we are first confronted with this reality it feels almost impossible to detach and get out of their way. I do know I feel a whole lot better when I do this.

LBL, this is good news that your son proceeded on his intake for rehab. Hopefully he will find a bed soon.
Take care of yourself, the flu is a bad one this year.
Hope you are feeling better!
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

Thanks Leafy. Funny he has been texting me today and has made reference to rehab a few times. Perhaps he is acclimatizing to the idea. Hope and no expectation. He is like a cat on a hot tin roof to be around at the moment. I am calmer when he is not around.

I have turned the corner and am starting to feel a bit better. Still week and tired so I stayed home from work today.

Made a crock pot full of Chiili, comfort food for this deep freeze we are in. UGH!