Serious advice needed!!

[TiredSoul]

Here is an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that specializes in inappropriate sexual conduct and teens who have NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) as well as other issues. Maybe they could give you some info about rehabilitation rates etc.

http://oxbowacademy.net/spectrum/

 

[BusynMember]

There is none. One is a learning disability (I have it) and one is probably because he was abused sometime in his past. He may not remember it because it does get blocked out, but it surfaces in behavior. But in some people it is just a compulsion. Look up Non Verbal Learning Disability in your search engine. You will not see any sexual behavior mentioned. It simply means you are verbally astute, but unable to live up to that skill with your performance. Example: My verbal IQ is 120, which is near superior, and I am very verbal. However, once I get hired at a job and I'm expected to perform up to how I sound, I can't do it and often fail because my performance level IQ is only 85. THAT is a non verbal learning disability.

There is a very low success rate with sexual predators. We have seen every expert available for this and have also talked to social workers who work with these almost-grown predators. First of all, the reoccurance rate is huge, which is why even teens are put on the sexual offenders list for their entire lives. Our ex-son was only thirteen yet he has to register for the rest of his life because of the high probability that he will do it again. Others need to be notified if he is living near them. He has broken that rule and is being charged with a felony, as far as I can tell by his court records.

If this child you are living with does not have to sign up as a sexual offender, it is because your husband has enough money and can afford to get him off. Normally, it would be a no-brainer. At sixteen if you are sexual with a five year old, it is way out of the realm of normal in any sense and he SHOULD have to sign up as a sexual predator. I would want to know if he moved next door to my friendly grandson.

Eventually, boyfriend may also resent YOU because his dear son can't go to any family get togethers and my guess is that after a time he may want to give this son another chance. What if the two of you have a baby girl together? Then this boy is her bonafide brother and I'm not sure you could legally keep him from her if he isn't on the sexual predator list. I think you're asking for trouble, but I do wish you luck. I am puzzled as to how you can feel so warm and fuzzy about a sixteen year old who molested your daughter...he is NOT a young boy...but I hope it all works out. I will spare you and make this my final word.

 

[mamaja]

There isn't any warm and fuzzies towards his son, I am just trying to do what is right. I don't have all the answers and I definitely want to make sure that this case is handled correctly. I have read all the laws in my state for juvenile sex offenders, and since he was NOT 16 at the time of the incident, he doesn't have to register as a sex offender. Also, this is his first offense so he will get streamlined with every other kid out there. The way these cases are handled has shocked me. Dealing with the prosecutors, probation officers, therapists, victim advocates, really has taught me how the legal system is stacked up. I should make one thing clear, his son pled guilty to the charges, so that was not fought against. Sentencing is what I am dealing with now. So this isn't a matter of how much money has been spent on a defense.

Midwestmom - I appreciate your candor, and you seem have alot going on in your life and to be in alot of pain. I do wish you the best.

anonymous- Thank you for the website.

I dont see any reason to continue this thread, as I keep getting admonished for things that were never brought up. I thought this site may have helped since his son has a NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) and I was trying to be a responsible adult and not an emotional wreck. I wish you all well.

 

[DaisyFace]

I dont see any reason to continue this thread, as I keep getting admonished for things that were never brought up. I thought this site may have helped since his son has a NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) and I was trying to be a responsible adult and not an emotional wreck. I wish you all well.

I am sorry that you are feeling "admonished"....although I can understand that the advice posted here seems a bit harsh...

Generally, the advice on this board is to support and protect innocent family members from the (often abusive) realities of living with a difficult child. That is our first priority.

My daughter was officially diagnosed with NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) many years ago - and we found that there was no specific treatment or recommendation that could help...especially since the NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) was only one of several issues she was experiencing. Our number one problem was the fact that she was physically abusing her little brother - and not a single professional was ever able to successfully address that.

In the end, we had to develop all manner of strategies for protecting our son from his big sister.

So unfortunately, there is not any kind of therapy or discipline of which I am aware that could be requested of a judge that would be the sort of "punishment" that will make any difference for the 16 year old. The only person for whom I can see an impact one way or the other is the five-year-old. That is the reasoning behind my advice to recommend something that will take the 16 year old out of the 5 yhear old's life for a good long time.

Sadly - that is the reality based upon my experiences.

I'm very sorry...