she phoned the police to take her away

[Skylark Matrix]

So last night the odd adhd difficult child came home from work in a foul mood. I'm usually in bed by then (10:30), but we'd had company so I was still up. She had a few things to fight about ---- we won't "let" her move out (there is no place to move to) --- she wants more time off from work and we won't let her (she works 40 hours a week, for 3 more weeks), wants to quit her job and we won't let her (hello !!! I need the break - but I didn't say that) I told her my sprained ankle was giving me pain and I couldn't deal with any of this --- my husband ordered her to go upstairs to bed. She decided she would rather go for a bike ride on the highway - in the dark. He grabbed her to restrain her and head her in the direction of upstairs and she bit his thumb hard enough to make it bleed, a lot. Then she phoned the police because she feared for her life. Well actually we dialed the number. My husband had to talk to them because of course she doesn't know how to explain where we live (13 km straight east from the nearest town) and did not have a clue what a land location was. She has lived in the same place for 18 years. Eventually they did show up to take her away.
Any advice?

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I'm having a hard time understanding your post, your husband called the police? Or your difficult child? Who was taken away?

 

[Suz]

I'm not clear either, Skylark. She was in fear of her life but they arrested her? Where did the police take her? Did they arrest her for biting your husband?

What's happening today?

Suz

 

[Skylark Matrix]

Clarification:
My husband dialed the phone and passed it to her, she does not know how to find a number in the phone book, she made the complaint and demanded to be removed from the house because she feared for her life. There were no arrests made and she was removed at her demand. We will not file charges, - side note - I've dressed the wound twice today, she bit through his thumb nail and the underside of his thumb. She is at a close neighbour - the police would not drive her move than a couple of miles. planning on quitting her job and then making a plan. They all came here today to get some stuff, they are giving her two days to make a decision. They are willing to help, but won't put up with any nonsense either. Of course there is the problem of transportation, she doesn't have a vehicle because she won't save any money and our friends aren't going to give her one either (imagine thate). My husband did let her take his old truck that she has been using for work purposes only with the understanding that she is to use it now only for work should she decide to keep working.
I'm so very tired of trying to make this situation "normal". Nothing works.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Hmmm

My advice, to start with, would have been to let her call the cops in the first place. You do not have to look up 911.

Anyways, that is in the past. I question why your husband will not file charges, and further, why he "awarded" her with transportation! She wanted to leave the house, right? Let her find her way around.

Stop trying to make the situation normal. It is not normal. If difficult child acts up (i.e., biting someone hard enough to draw blood), perhaps she should face charges.

At the very least, rethink giving your child a truck to drive. She basically just got what she wanted, to move out, and hey, as a bonus, now she has daddy's truck. Take the truck back, and ket the chips fall where they may.

That is my advice, and I am coming from the book of tough love. Others will be along with their advice. Hugs and prayers for you and your family.

 

[GoingNorth]

Have husband get that bite seen to ASAP. Human bites are extremely dangerous and usually require antibiotics to prevent infection.

 

[Ally]

I agree with GoingNorth, your husband needs a tetnus shot ASAP. Human bites are terrible and get infected very quickly.

Hopefully this will make your difficult child realize that life isnt so bad at home and make her rethink her decisions.

 

[hearthope]

I agree with BBK, she bit your husband and got what she wanted in return.

They have to suffer consequences for the choices they make are they will never see a reason to change.

Traci

 

[Hound dog]

Skylark forgive me if I've missed a post or something.... But I have got to ask.

You're husband dialed the police for her because she doesn't know how to look up a phone number? (I don't know if you even have 911 where you are)

You're husband had to explain where you live because difficult child doesn't know what a land location is or how to tell them where she lives.

Are difficult child's cognitive issues a major issue? Because I think this actually caught my attention more than the other stuff. It's awfully unusual for someone her age not to know how to look up a phone number in the phone book, or give directions, most especially to a home they've lived in for 18 yrs.

I certainly hope husband will agree to have the bite looked at by a doctor. Human bites are nasty. You wouldn't believe the amt of germs in the human mouth.

I can understand not wanting to deal with difficult child's drama. But if it were me I think I'd have just sat there and let it sink in that she was unable to do these things for herself. (the ability for self reliance aspect) But I admit I would've been hard pressed not to press charges for a bite that went clear thru the nail. OUCH! Especially when she wanted to drag the police into it.

((hugs))

 

[witzend]

She's how old? I can't tell from your profile. I'm guessing she's at least an older teen since she's working 40 hours a week.

I wouldn't argue with her about this stuff. It's childish and antagonistic on her part, and clearly not well thought out.

She wants to move out? Great. Where is she going to live, how is she planning to get her clothes there, and what does she plan to sleep on? Can you help her pack, or will she do it on her own? Is she aware that the furniture in her room belongs to you, not her?

She wants to work less hours or quit her job? Good for her. How much will the rent be at her new place? Is she planning to eat out or cook her own meals, and how much does she plan to spend on food? Whatever her plan is, nod your head and smile. She'll have a different idea tomorrow, and even if she doesn't, maybe she really will plan it out and eventually move out and make it on her own.

Arguing with her about these things is only going to make everyone miserable. You need to take care of yourself and let her go off on a tangent sometimes without buying into her drama.

I'm not quite sure what to make of the police taking her. It's not a very good solution to her being upset. Where is she now?

PS - Just read the rest of the posts. Take the truck back.

 

[Skylark Matrix]

Thanks for all of your replies. Today is Wed. Yesterday was her day off, today she is supposed to work. I noticed she left her work uniform in her room, so that is not a good sign.... I agree with everyones info - let her face the music when it doesn't turn out, but ..... This is what has happened in the past: she'll move somewhere, hate the job or living accom. - move in with some boyfriend, hate him, start sleeping with someone else, move there, maybe think to work two weeks out of 4, over and over again. She slept with 36 guys between Oct 05 and Aug 06, I found her "list' when she had a suspected std after moving home. I know, I know we are in rescue mode and should quit, but its so hard. We keep hoping for a breakthrough.

 

[Suz]

Skylark, she won't have a breakthrough until she's allowed/forced to have one. Give her the opportunity. As difficult as it is for you...it is a gift you are giving her in the long run.

Suz

 

[Sunlight]

she is over 18 and will not comply at all. I know you are worried. but what choice do you have? let go. you know the Lord? then you know He is there and can help with this GM problem (great and mighty). ask for his help then turn the problem loose.

 

[witzend]

I guess I would take the advice one step further, and say the next time she does move out, don't let her move back in. Clean out her room, put what you think is worth saving in a storage locker for her, and change it to a guest room (with none of her stuff in it) or better yet a home office, sewing room, yoga room, crafts room, or even a storage room.