She says she's ready ...so how do I help?

[Copabanana]

43 species!

How large a property is it? What a nice life!

 

[Copabanana]

S is close with my sister and they got to reconnect. My wider family is pretty conservative

Do they accept s, n and c as their family? Or are the kids still your ex'es kids?

I don't think my very small family ever really accepted my son as an equal grandchild. My sister's two children she considered to be of near royal status, because they had our genes, which to me, was hardly a recommendation. Sometimes I think this was to get and feel superiority over me, because I had no genetic children.

 

[Elsi]

43 species!

How large a property is it? What a nice life!

It’s only about an acre, but it feels bigger because of the parkland! It is a nice life. When I say it’s a refuge ...it truly is!

R does wildlife rehabilitation when there is a need. She has a crow that follows her around the yard and perches on her head or shoulder. And a family of ducks that return every year and nest here and follow her while she works.

 

[Elsi]

Do they accept s, n and c as their family? Or are the kids still your ex'es kids?

I don't think my very small family ever really accepted my son as an equal grandchild. My sister's two children she considered to be of near royal status, because they had our genes, which to me, was hardly a recommendation. Sometimes I think this was to get and feel superiority over me, because I had no genetic children.

That’s a good question. I always have felt that they are my kids with an asterisk for most of my family. They are part of the family when they are behaving, it easy to cut off when they aren’t. It bothers me.

 

[Copabanana]

a family of ducks that return every year and nest here and follow her while she works.

You mean in the yard or they will actually follow her in the car as she goes to her job?

I would love this. They have actually bonded with you; not just with the specific place.

 

[BusynMember]

My mom never saw my kids, never knew them. Bart was not adopted but the others were. She ignored them all.

If our "family" had had holidays together, this would have been so unacceptable we would have made separate accomodations for all holidays. But there was no need. We never did holidays as a DNA unit, which was good! We used to go to my friend's home of seven kids, two adopted, and we were like sisters. It was always so much fun and without tension.

My kids are my heart and soul and a part of me and had anyone treated them lesser than for any reason, we would have left. Not playing Favorites Part 2!!

But since my "family" never gathered together, we made our own family holidays. It was better!!

 

[Copabanana]

You know how when you have deep pain about specific incidents you try to keep it contained to a small hard nugget within you so that it does not metasticize and consume you?

When I lived in Guatemala in a pueblo there was an incident I try to keep under wraps, with a bird, a tiny baby Macaw. The family who we were living with gifted me this tiny Macaw who became extremely attached to me. (I interpreted ownership as an intense effort to protect it and advocate for its nurture. There were no good options for this bird.) I fought the family so that he could live in a tree, instead of in a very tiny cage. I would periodically have to fly back to the States and when I went the bird would not eat.

And then the family threw us out for complicated reasons, took back the bird (it is doubtful I would have been able to keep it anyway, because they are a protected species and I don't see how I could have left the country with the bird.)

And they put that bird in a tiny, tiny cage. This family also had a wonderful dog that loved me beyond measure. I have mourned for the loss of that relationship more than I have for most losses in my life. His name was Canito. He is long dead and I miss him still.

 

[BusynMember]

Copa...that is so unbearably sad ):

 

[Elsi]

You mean in the yard or they will actually follow her in the car as she goes to her job?

Around the yard. She has other birds and animals that she has released at the park. The crow follows her both places. I call her Snow White. Which is funny to both of us because otherwise she is pretty much the anti Disney princess.

My kids are my heart and soul and a part of me and had anyone treated them lesser than for any reason, we would have left. Not playing Favorites Part 2!!

I hear you. My family is kind and treats them well when they are present. If they didn’t I would feel very differently. It’s more that I sense they aren’t mised as much as E would be when they are absent, and I feel like it’s eaier for my family to dismiss their problems with ‘oh, well it’s not like they are REALLY one of ours.” It’s not something they say to me directly, and maybe it’s all in my head. I just feel like they would be more concerned, involved and anguished about the situation if it were one of their ‘real’ grandkids. But then again, ignore and dismiss is standard for my family. This is the same family who ignored my childhood difficulties. I’ve learned to accept my family with their imperfections, and they’ve learned to accept me for who I am, and for the most part we make it work.

an incident I try to keep under wraps, with a bird, a tiny baby Macaw.

Copa, that’s so sad. I bond just as much with animals as I do with people - more than with most people. It would distress me very much to have that kind of outcome with a creature I loved.