She showed up

[Nancy]

difficult child showed up unannounced at the house last Saturday about 4p.m. with dirty laundry and the boyfriend. She ran upstairs to her room to get something, never even said hello, and was on her way out to the car when husband and I both confronted her and asked what she was doing home. husband told her to take her dirty laundry and go back to campus. They drove off and we got a few very nasty texts from her telling us how much she hated us.

The nerve of her thinking she could dump off her dirty laundry like I'm the maid

Nancy

 

[witzend]

Way To Go, mom! LOL!

 

[Star*]

Nancy,

My stomach did flip flops when all I could see was - She showed up. First I thought - OH PLEASE do NOT let this be a post from Nancy (Or Witz - thinking it was L talking about unowho) and then I clicked and ugh..it was you. Then I read and I thought - OH MY NO...no no...then I read further and I see - WOW.....WOW.....and husband?? BRAVO DADDY-O. (KUDOS DUDE)

So NANCY??

WAY TO GO MOMMA MIA!!!! YOU TOTALLY ROCK!!!

You should text back ---
WHAT? I can't hear you???

 

[Suz]

husband told her to take her dirty laundry and go back to campus.

WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

OMG, I wish I'd been there!

I hope you and husband went out to dinner that night.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[slsh]

Geez, Nancy - how unreasonable can you be? You cannot possibly have anything better to do than her laundry! Hmpffff, rolling eyes, and tossing hair.

Sigh - truly, I'm sorry she's taking it out on you guys. I know the goal is not to escalate the situation, but ... I'd really have to control myself if a kid texted (texted?!?! - how utterly unsatisfying) me how much he/she hated me because I wouldn't do their laundry. Goodness....

I do love that you and husband sent her and her smelly socks right on back to campus.

Perhaps in the not too distant future she will start feeling a bit of appreciation for your home (and yourself!). Having to do for herself may (hopefully) bring about an attitude adjustment.

And I'm with- Suz - hope you and husband had a lovely romantic dinner for 2.

 

[GoingNorth]

Yeesh. What utter gall! Back when I lived right near my mother, I got a VERY hesitant phone call from her.

Ummm...my dryer's gone out, and I hurt my back and can't carry my wet laundry. Is there...ummm....errr....would it be okay if...um...I did it at your place?

This was my MOTHER and she called a couple of days in advance to ask permission.

What in heck sort of sense of entitlement is this kid functioning under?

 

[Nancy]

Sue it was even worse than her just wanting me to do her laundry. We had told her we didn't want her coming home last weekend because she comes home and spends 24/7 in the basement with the boyfriend instead of staying at school and joining in campus activities and making NEW friends. So she had the boyfriend drive down and pick her up and she spent the night somewhere in town with him. Then they spent the entire day together and just came home at 4 with her laundry and was going out again to party and come back who knows when.

I follow her movements as well as I can from afar and she is being totally irresponsible and self destructive. There is no way I want her home any sooner than Thanksgiving break.

Nancy

 

[Fran]

YaY Nancy and husband! It really burns me when the assumption is that mom doesn't have anything better to do than be their maid.
Good for you.

 

[Nomad]

Awesome response from husband and you...I second "good for you!!"

Let's hope she gets the loud hint/message (s).

Personally, I wouldn't overdo it re: following her every move...
with- the exception of the ones involving a trip to your place errr basement??? ugh.

As best as you can muster...let her know that you care for her, have faith in her innate abilities to do well and succeed. Additionally, she is an adult now. Mom has set up boundaries that are not to be broken. You like yourself too much to go back...no turning back.

I also hope you and your husband are partying heartily.

 

[Lori4ever]

Good for you!! I'll bet she really didn't like those socks, did she?! These kids today really amaze me. Hope you enjoyed the peace and quiet of dinner. I hope I get better at some of this, but I've at least improved!!

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL...Way To Go. I have to get better at this myself. Cory is back to doing his laundry here but it is only because his washer is in the back of our truck which is off the road right now because we havent transferred title over from Billy to us yet. If he can find someone with a pickup he can take it home. Yes I know...they do have laundrymats here...lol.

 

[Nancy]

Janet I would have no problem if she wanted to come home to visit and do her laundry here. But the first week she dropped it off, went down the basement with boyfriend and we never saw her again until she left two days later. I did the laundry by myself with not so much as a thank you.

She is about out of money and at the rate she is using her dining plan it will be gone by Nov. 1. We told her we would not be adding money to it as the plan is sufficient but she is buying food for other people. Her dinner last night was $30 and she buys a large pizza every other day for $16 and I know she doesn't eat it alone.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

I guess she will be disappointed that the apartment in her near future doesn't have laundry service. LOL

I was worried that she would start wanting to come home every weekend to see the boyfriend. I'm glad that you and your husband put your collective foot down and sent her on her way.

Unfortunately, it seems like it is just a matter of time until she ruins her wonderful opportunity to go to college.

Why can't difficult children ever understand that they are just hurting themselves???

As usual, I've been there done that with my difficult child. {{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[DDD]

I'm always impressed by your husband. He is so consistently on the same page
and steps up to the plate to reduce your stress. You're a lucky lady. DDD

 

[Suz]

I'm always impressed by your husband. He is so consistently on the same page
and steps up to the plate to reduce your stress. You're a lucky lady.

Amen.

If my exdh had been the same he might not be my ex.

Suz

 

[witzend]

I think if she were my daughter and she ran out of dining money, I'd probably go ahead and buy her a case of Top Ramin and a couple of onions, maybe a two pound bag of carrots. She won't like it, but she won't starve, either...

 

[DammitJanet]

I guess I was a bit confused as to who the major players were. From what I am able to gather here, boyfriend does NOT attend college with her if I understand this correctly so she is running home to your vicinity every chance she gets to be with the love of her moment. Parties hard while home on your dime and expects you to be her maid and meal ticket.

Nice gig if you can get it and your parents happened to have named you Paris Hilton! Maybe she should call VH1 and see if she can apply for a reality series. I hear they may be looking for contestants. The ones they have seem to be dying. I think the qualifications are chug a lug, party, cute and drama. I think she fits the criteria...lol.

 

[Nancy]

You got it Janet .

Nancy

 

[DammitJanet]

Maybe boyfriend and her will break up. We can hope. Unless he is also running up there all week long, that leaves him 5 days...ok 4 days... a week to spot some new honey to fall for.

Are you tying spending money to grades this semester? Such as...if midterm grades arent C's or above, spending money for the other half of semester will be cut back? Maybe lose the cell phone or something. I dont know...Im thinking something to encourage a J.O.B! If she isnt using the time to actually study, then she could be using it to be productive.

 

[witzend]

I am kind of with you on the spending money, Janet. But I would be reluctant to cut the cell phone all together. I would probably disable texting, though. It's kind of the electronic equivalent of taking the much slammed bedroom door off of it's hinges. (tee hee hee )