She's moving back in

[meowbunny]

I love her. I really, truly do but I don't want to live with her. She's a slob to the hilt. She'll try to do better but I know her, it will be same thing as before and I'll go crazy. This place is tiny and even though it has two bedrooms, it's not made for two people.

The pluses are that I know she'll be safe and she'll eat healthier. Her bratty cat will be much better taken care of. She will pay some rent here and the money will truly come in handy. She will do her share when I push her hard enough.

Good, bad or indifferent, there's really no choice. She really does have a roomie from hell. He doesn't pay his share of the rent or bills; he's not just a clutter slob, he's a pig; he's so lazy he even drives my kid nuts and that's hard to do. She can't afford a place on her own right now, no matter how hard she tries and it will be completely impossible once the high season here ends. She'll have a chance to save up for an apartment of her own and a car.

Move in date is sometime between January and March. January if her roomie doesn't come up with more funds for rent, etc.; otherwise, it is March when her lease expires. At least I know it's not a permanent situation.

But I hate the idea of stepping back on the merry-go-round. There's too much stress in my life right now as it is. I have given her some very specific rules (up by 11:30 max every day; I'll clean the kitchen and my bedroom and bathroom, she's responsible for the rest of house and it will be done weekly; we take turns with the cat box -- I'll do mornings, she does evenings). I am going to put the rules in writing and post them in her room.

Now, can I go crawl in a hole and just pull the rock over me?

 

[hearts and roses]

Hugs MB...At least you know you're not alone in this.

I am still adjusting to having easy child home...she's a bit of slob and very lazy when it comes to cleaning up after her dog. We've had a few 'run-ins' about that and other stuff in recent weeks. It's just getting to me, the honeymoon of having my easy child back home is pretty much over. I even found myself saying to myself the other day how I can't wait till she and difficult child are out for good...that I no longer cared if they stuck around here or moved miles away! Yikes.

In addition to the note you will hang in her room, how about you make a note for yourself? A note that spells out the ways in which you need to remember to put yourself first and care for your health, etc...and make a secondary list of things you can let go of, things that you can let roll off your back...things that aren't really that important. Each day you can look at your list and make a daily committment to take care of you first. You may also want to put on there that 'this is temporary'.

Will you be giving her a time line/deadline to find a new place? If not, have you thought about it, perhaps by June or something? I am thinking of telling easy child something like that in the Spring I think. It depends on how she does in the next couple of months. Good luck; at least you have a little time to adjust to the idea.

 

[goldenguru]

Well you've just been nominated for sainthood in my book.

You're a good mom meowbunny. I hope she appreciates your goodness.

 

[everywoman]

MB,
It is difficult to have an adult child move back in. For some odd reason, they go back into child mode. You are still the mommy that takes care of things. The rules are a good idea. Contributing to household monies is another area that needs to be in writing. If not, she will find "better" ways to spend her (and your) money. I know its not going to be easy, but with the right rules and consequences in place, it may work for a while.

 

[Jena]

MB

I'm sorry to hear that easy child had such troubles with her roomate that it's coming to living with you again.

You aren't alone, as you know and we'll all be here when and if she drives you nuts.

I think that's a great idea to get the rules straight now before she even moves in, such a smart move on your part.

((((hugs))))

 

[flutterbee]

Sending good thoughts that she doesn't revert to her old behavior and that you two are able to enjoy each others company.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

One of those "ya gotta do what you gotta do" things. I am so sorry.

Hoping it goes relatively smooth!

 

[katya02]

Maybe, expanding a bit on the rules idea, a contract? Not exhaustive, but spelling out important rules and signed by her as well as you? Thinking about working toward getting her own place and setting a date, or at least plans with a date to review progress, might help keep her on track ...

I like the suggestion of a list for yourself with rules for taking care of you, your health, and your sanity. Great idea!

 

[Suz]

MB, you have my sincere condolences. sigh. I'm sure this wasn't an easy decision.

I guess I'd also look into eviction laws before she arrives, too. As much as you don't want to, you really do need to protect yourself in every direction. This is definitely one of those situations where you hope for the best but need to plan for the worst.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[ThreeShadows]

MB I feel your pain. Both of my difficult children have come back to live under our roof. I's true that they regress, no gratitude at all.