Should I be afraid

[Nandina]

16 Years, your son is very toxic right now, for whatever reason—mental illness, drugs—but please don’t accept or read his texts, or attempts at communication with you. Please, this is to take care of and protect yourself.

I cannot imagine the level of viciousness in those comments and how it penetrates your very soul. It hurt my heart to read them. Please do not take anymore from him. You absolutely do not deserve those words.

Many hugs to you and please continue to seek help through therapy and keep posting here. We care.

 

[Deni D]

16yrs, I’m so sorry for the path you have been forced on these days. From what you have posted it seems your son witnessed you husband’s tragic death in 2006, he would have been 18 at the time.

From reading what you have shared no one can say if his problem is drugs, mental illness or a building mental breakdown from not properly processing his past but It’s for sure he is in a crisis right now. I could say to you that my son has said worse to me, but really someone who is good at hurting others says what they know is the worst thing their target would want to hear. Somehow they have that ability to say anything they know will strike an arrow through your heart, mine sure did. Your son's issues right now though are his business, your state of mind and your inner world are your issues.

Having a business to run in the middle of the chaos you are facing would be too much for me. Luckily those lines did not cross for me, so I don’t know anything of how to handle keeping employees upright and steady but maybe bringing in some overall help would be good idea at some point. And also some legal advice if you feel that’s warranted.

But most importantly, right now, it seems you are steering the ship in many ways and the rudder is melting. I think a private therapist who helps you sort out things from your perspective would be most helpful for you. The therapist I used specialized in anxiety, stress, trauma, and PTSD, she was a lifesaver for me.

I wish I could tell you how things will play out for you but really it’s mostly an inner world you move through step by step as you are ready that changes your outer world. But not necessarily the people in it so much, that’s on them to the degree they decide to work on themselves. I can say no matter what, it can get better for you, a lot better, much more balanced and peaceful. And that is what I hope for you.

 

[susiestar]

Getting help for yourself is crucial. I want you to say something out loud. It won't be easy, even if you are alone. My oldest son was very violent with us when he was younger. He came close to permanently harming both his sister and I. Late one night, I called a crisis helpline. The person on the other end was amazing. She asked me to say "I am a victim of domestic violence" out loud. It was the weirdest thing. It felt so wrong, but it was my reality. It is your reality also. Please say "I am a victim of domestic violence" out loud to yourself. It will help drive things home to you and allow you to accept the help you need. At least it will take you a little further down that path to a better life.

Google "domestic violence agency" and your city/state/country. Their help is free. When my oldest was 14, he had to go live somewhere else. He came too close to doing permanent physical damage to his sister and I. Even though I was the adult in charge, he abused me. I went to our local DV agency for help. They didn't know what to do with me at first. They worked up a plan for parents who have abusive children. Sadly, it is more useful than they ever expected. I ran into my therapist at the store a few years after I finished therapy with them. After I spoke to her (at our DV agency, if you see them in public they won't say anything or react to you at all unless/until you say something or wave or whatever). My therapist told me that they now have regular groups for parents abused by their children. So there is help out there. It is free at most DV agencies.

Does your business use a security company? You might consider using one if you don't already. Talk to them about the problem and the best way to handle it if he does show up and he does get inside. Also talk to your local police for strategies to keep your home, business, car and person safe. It might be a good idea to take some self defense classes. In the US, the YMCA/YWCA may have classes. You can also ask at gyms and martial arts studios for a class. Of course the DV agency will also have resources that may help with this.