RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
My husband went to see our son this weekend. I was out of town for work so was not able to join him but thought it was good father/son time.
Friday night visit is a one hour dinner and a one hour speaker. Son was good. Said he was looking forward to his June mission trip and his move to Hope House in July where they have freedoms again. Can dress how they like, wear hair as they wish, watch TV, have phone, computer, work locally etc. It's a huge step.
Saturday husband went back for a six hour visit. They went to the mall to get our son new brown dress shoes. His heel had broken on his and he had a new brown belt so figured he should have shoes to match. Also asked for a baseball cap. Not unreasonable. Did some sightseeing.
They had a pretty good visit. Son was texting his former girlfriend from his dad's phone (who is away at college in Florida but also lives in Florida) while they were driving. He didn't ask to call her.
He did call me with his dad in the car and the conversation came up about him thinking he was strong enough to come home. Has been there seven months, sober eight, etc.
Naturally I was very upset that this was even brought up. I went into a long winded purge of everything I had been thinking about him and his behaviors for the past several years. It just came out. It flowed like a river. I did not hold anything back. His dad and I both reiterated that he has to graduate from the program in November as planned. Nothing has changed. There will be no concessions made. This is not open for discussion again as I told him. He said he figured as much but wanted to ask anyway. He really did not argue with me, he just listened.
After the call I was mentally exhausted. I had not even considered that would be our conversation that day. I was also proud of myself that I had gotten it all out and that even if I had notes written down beforehand, I don't think I could have done any better.
A while later he texted me and apologized for getting me upset and said that he loved me.
When my husband came home we talked about the visit. He said that our son is so polite now that it amazed him. He felt he has matured a lot during this program. He also said that our son said that he wants to make amends with everyone that he has hurt. That he loves going to church. That he knows he had many chances to change but didn't. They also discussed his future and figuring out what he is doing with his life as well as that being with us is a short term thing and not a long term solution. My husband said they talked about a lot of things.
My husband is going back in a few weeks to take him for a five day pass. They will drive to our new home and new town so he can show him around. This is the first time he will have a pass.
I guess I felt that he shouldn't have asked about home. But maybe I expect too much. My husband feels good about his progress. Maybe I'm just a negative person. I don't know! I do think that another seven months in the program will help him tremendously but in the end it's all about him and how he wants to live his life.
Friday night visit is a one hour dinner and a one hour speaker. Son was good. Said he was looking forward to his June mission trip and his move to Hope House in July where they have freedoms again. Can dress how they like, wear hair as they wish, watch TV, have phone, computer, work locally etc. It's a huge step.
Saturday husband went back for a six hour visit. They went to the mall to get our son new brown dress shoes. His heel had broken on his and he had a new brown belt so figured he should have shoes to match. Also asked for a baseball cap. Not unreasonable. Did some sightseeing.
They had a pretty good visit. Son was texting his former girlfriend from his dad's phone (who is away at college in Florida but also lives in Florida) while they were driving. He didn't ask to call her.
He did call me with his dad in the car and the conversation came up about him thinking he was strong enough to come home. Has been there seven months, sober eight, etc.
Naturally I was very upset that this was even brought up. I went into a long winded purge of everything I had been thinking about him and his behaviors for the past several years. It just came out. It flowed like a river. I did not hold anything back. His dad and I both reiterated that he has to graduate from the program in November as planned. Nothing has changed. There will be no concessions made. This is not open for discussion again as I told him. He said he figured as much but wanted to ask anyway. He really did not argue with me, he just listened.
After the call I was mentally exhausted. I had not even considered that would be our conversation that day. I was also proud of myself that I had gotten it all out and that even if I had notes written down beforehand, I don't think I could have done any better.
A while later he texted me and apologized for getting me upset and said that he loved me.
When my husband came home we talked about the visit. He said that our son is so polite now that it amazed him. He felt he has matured a lot during this program. He also said that our son said that he wants to make amends with everyone that he has hurt. That he loves going to church. That he knows he had many chances to change but didn't. They also discussed his future and figuring out what he is doing with his life as well as that being with us is a short term thing and not a long term solution. My husband said they talked about a lot of things.
My husband is going back in a few weeks to take him for a five day pass. They will drive to our new home and new town so he can show him around. This is the first time he will have a pass.
I guess I felt that he shouldn't have asked about home. But maybe I expect too much. My husband feels good about his progress. Maybe I'm just a negative person. I don't know! I do think that another seven months in the program will help him tremendously but in the end it's all about him and how he wants to live his life.
