I did think of that Suz, but I also know his mom well enough to know that she'd always have her door open, especially to easy child - she would never turn anyone away and I don't think she'd be groaning at all.
That said, easy child came home from the DR (I was right, she has walking pneumonia) and told me she'll be spending the week at Casper's - to get a feel for it. I couldn't help it, I asked how his parents felt about it. She said, "Mrs. Casper said that I am welcome to move in if I'm no longer comfortable at home but that she would be concerned about any anger or hostility from us towards her and Mr Casper"....
...which prompted me to ask, "Why would she think you're not comfortable at home and why would there be any hostility?"
easy child backpeddled and said, "Well, she meant if I was looking for more independence" ...
...which again prompted me to ask, "And moving out of your family home and into theirs is independence how?"
...So easy child then said, "Well, I'm moving out because I think that P (my H) has anger issues that he needs to resolve and I'm not comfortable with his rants" (My H does rant and talk very loudly, but he isn't always angry just because he's loud)...
...I couldn't leave it alone and said to her, "H and I could wrap our heads around you wanting to move out or get an apt with Casper, but we don't 'get' why you'd move out of your home and into their home and, to boot, stay in a separate bedroom" And so it went, very calmly and quietly. A quiet calm discussion.
Then I looked over and easy child looked to be near tears, so I put up my hand and repeated to her that she was 22 and is in control of her life, that our door was always open should things not work out, blah blah blah. She went into her room for a bit and then came out to leave.
At the top of the stairs, I had to open my big fat mouth again and added in, "I want you to at least think about one thing. When you came back from school 2 years ago, you had dreams and adventures you wanted to explore. But then you got back together with Casper and everything fell by the wayside. Your world keeps getting smaller and smaller - what happened to all those things you wanted to do?" She looked at me (like I was the devil, which maybe I am) and then left. And that was that.
So, part of me wishes I could throw my arms into space and pull all my words back into my mouth, but a larger part of me is okay with what I said, our entire discussion really, all of it. I think whether or not she listened to anything at all I said or gives it another thought doesn't really matter - I feel better. Hahaha - that sounds so selfish. But really, I'm tired of always having to worry about upsetting easy child or difficult child or H and I think that sometimes they need to hear things they don't want to acknowledge. If the counseling has taught me anything, it's that it's okay for me to be angry and hurt and upset and let the people I love know it once in a while. There are times to be quiet and times when you just can't help yourself. And we didn't yell, there was no lecturing, no raised voices. It may have been a HUGE mistake - perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut. I guess we shall see. I won't say anything more. I will print out the serenity prayer (it's actually hanging up in my office) and I will carry it with me, I will post it on the fridge, in my car, on the inside of my eyelids, etc. Thanks for reminding me of that.
