So son tells me "I Dead to Him" since I won't go down and take him more food. I'm just so tired.

[Mixed up Mom]

As we have discussed, I have a adult son in his 40's who is homeless. He's is a drug rehab program again. I took him some new clothes and a grocery gift card for his birthday last week. I have helped him lots over the years. Well now he's mad because I won't go take him food and money. He gets a disability check every month for biopolar disorder. He tells me he is broke. I'm just so tired of it. I'm not going. I Over and over it is something all the time. I feel like I'm going crazy.

 

[Crayola13]

Is he in in-patient rehab or outpatient? If he’s going to in-patient rehab the program should supply his meals.

 

[Mixed up Mom]

Is he in in-patient rehab or outpatient? If he’s going to in-patient rehab the program should supply his meals.

He is in outpatient rehab. He gets two checks but I don't know what he is doing with them. He is living in a tent.

 

[MarCar]

It's hard, see a therapist to help you through this, I did and it help me. Please take care of yourself, you can save him, only he can save himself.

 

[MarCar]

It's hard, see a therapist to help you through this, I did and it help me. Please take care of yourself, you can save him, only he can save himself.

I meant you can't save him.

 

[Crayola13]

If he went to in-patient rehab, he wouldn’t have to worry about being fed and sheltered. Three meals a day, including snacks, and lodging are covered. I’m not sure out-patient rehab is helping him if he’s still using drugs. Has he been failing drug tests? They’re supposed to do testing once a week. I would hope the social workers are helping him come up with better living arrangements. Do you think he’s going to the classes regularly? Most out-patient rehabs are 4-4 hours a day four days a week. Most programs don’t tolerate more than 1-2 absences. I wonder if he’s really going.

 

[Crayola13]

I definitely think you and your husband could benefit from counseling or from getting to know other parents going through the same thing at Al-Anon meetings. Pastoral counseling is an option if your insurance plan doesn’t cover it.

 

[Nomore]

Been there. Am there. Son also bipolar and claiming to be in outpatient rehab. It's bs and a ploy to stay out of jail. There's always and angle for how to stay hedonistic and getting everyone else to take care of him. He's angry because of his actions, inaction and blames everyone but himself on his situation. He is a vampire and feeds on empathetic people and abusers. He gives nothing back. If this sounds familiar, harden your heart. Get out and stay out. Get into therapy yourself. Focus on how YOU are failing YOURSELF. How to achieve self love and set boundaries. Shift focus to yourself. My response to "your dead to me" is "Ok. See you on the other side". Then pray each day for him to get well and make amends for the destruction he has left in his wake.

 

[Mixed up Mom]

If he went to in-patient rehab, he wouldn’t have to worry about being fed and sheltered. Three meals a day, including snacks, and lodging are covered. I’m not sure out-patient rehab is helping him if he’s still using drugs. Has he been failing drug tests? They’re supposed to do testing once a week. I would hope the social workers are helping him come up with better living arrangements. Do you think he’s going to the classes regularly? Most out-patient rehabs are 4-4 hours a day four days a week. Most programs don’t tolerate more than 1-2 absences. I wonder if he’s really going.

He goes once a week and has to take a drug test. He is getting some kind of drug from the rehab weekly but he buys extra on the street.

 

[mom58]

Hi mixedupmom, same boat here. my son is 46 was homeless now in jail. Lucky for me he is not in the same state I live in. I gave him my truck couple of years ago so he could leave here. boy that was a mistake. But codependent/enabler I am. But him gone is much better than him living with me. My God, he had me thinking I was crazy. Kind of a long story. So anyway, yes they drain us of life force but I am thinking we let them. If anyone needs to go get help it is us. for letting our adult children depend on us way way to long. I had made up my mind he was not able to take care of himself. So I would just let him come home this was the beginning of Covid. He was homeless and called me from Kansas and said they were throwing homeless in jail for covid. So I rushed up there to rescue him. Pretty sure I suffer from PTSD. I hope you can just learn to say no. It is ok to say No mixed up mom. Hugs

 

[mom58]

Been there. Am there. Son also bipolar and claiming to be in outpatient rehab. It's bs and a ploy to stay out of jail. There's always and angle for how to stay hedonistic and getting everyone else to take care of him. He's angry because of his actions, inaction and blames everyone but himself on his situation. He is a vampire and feeds on empathetic people and abusers. He gives nothing back. If this sounds familiar, harden your heart. Get out and stay out. Get into therapy yourself. Focus on how YOU are failing YOURSELF. How to achieve self love and set boundaries. Shift focus to yourself. My response to "your dead to me" is "Ok. See you on the other side". Then pray each day for him to get well and make amends for the destruction he has left in his wake.

Hi Nomore, often wondered if my son is bipolar, when he was a teen took him to see someone they said he was diagnosed with depression. of course, he would not take medications for depression so he would not take them for any other mental health issue. He thinks Meth is the answer to his mental health. Now fast forward almost 30 years and he is in jail, homeless so jail is like a good thing. I am almost 65 and very very tired. Trying my best not to send him any money in jail. Have a few times. My bad. Knew if I started he would expect more and more. He is going back to prison. He spent 10 years in prison and wow, I remember how much money that was. Funny if and when he was homeless I can say no, Cause I think he can get a job, and if I send money why should he bother? Got that part right. Not sure why I think jail is any different. My son has said he hated me. wished me dead, would rather be homeless than live with me.
And still, I help him. Somebody take the kick me sign off my back ok.

 

[Crayola13]

Here’s what you can tell him about using meth for his mental health. It’s slightly funny. In the early 1900s, crystal meth was prescribed to hard working, busy housewives who were too tired for sex. A housekeeper and nanny would probably have served the same purpose. Does your son need meth because he’s scrubbing floors and watching a herd of children all day? Is he too worn out for sex late at night because he has to spend his days at the wash board and haul water from the creek? Of course not.

There is a good reason doctors don’t prescribe methamphetamines anymore.

The next time you talk to him, tell him how tragic it is that he has to be “in the mood” after working so hard all day long

 

[healinginside]

Hi Nomore, often wondered if my son is bipolar, when he was a teen took him to see someone they said he was diagnosed with depression. of course, he would not take medications for depression so he would not take them for any other mental health issue. He thinks Meth is the answer to his mental health. Now fast forward almost 30 years and he is in jail, homeless so jail is like a good thing. I am almost 65 and very very tired. Trying my best not to send him any money in jail. Have a few times. My bad. Knew if I started he would expect more and more. He is going back to prison. He spent 10 years in prison and wow, I remember how much money that was. Funny if and when he was homeless I can say no, Cause I think he can get a job, and if I send money why should he bother? Got that part right. Not sure why I think jail is any different. My son has said he hated me. wished me dead, would rather be homeless than live with me.
And still, I help him. Somebody take the kick me sign off my back ok.

Brokenmom,

I am sorry you are hurting and thank you for your share. Naranon helps tremendously. You can go via zoom with people from all over the country and not show your face to remain anonymous. I can imagine how deep your pain is as it is clear that you love your son but have lost yourself. He is in jail but you are not in jail. You have put yourself in jail with him. Your heart and mind sound imprisoned as are all us of here. I hope you can take a breather, forgive yourself and find peace. Turn the phone off, take a break. You giving him money can wait, you answering the phone can wait. He has survived 100 percent of his worst days in jail and will continue to survive. He was in jail and went back - he unfortunately knew the consequences but his words don't have to hurt you anymore. I love naranon bc so many people are going through similar situations and it helps. Sometimes I go just to listen. Peace be with you.!