some questions..

[Skylark Matrix]

Okay, I have known for some time that I need to detach, but I can't seem to learn how to do that. My daughter will be leaving home on Sept 15 to attend a small college in a nearby small town. 45 min away. Is there anything I can to do help her keep on track or do I just sit back and wait for all hell to break loose (which should take about 3 days).
1. Any good ideas about budgeting? When she is in her "right" mind she is agreeable to a weekly allowance - she spends all her money on contact.

Future worries:
2. Do these kids ever straighten out and be semi normal? Our psycholigist says she is 30% behind, ei currently age 20 by calander, 14 by brain. Can I hope for anything more than some kind of unemployed transient life for her?

3. I am capable of, and have said NO to her and made her fix her own messes, but I always feel so mean when I do that. She is very promiscuos when she is not living at home and uses that for her means of comfort and security. How do I live with the fear of her being killed by some freak?

I'll have lots more questions as weeks go on. Thank you to everyone who replys to me.

 

[Kjs]

When easy child went to college, I had set up an account at our local bank with my name on it also. He had an ATM card. He worked prior to going and the two of us put money in that account. I also put some in each month.

Well...stupid bank. He kept over drawing. Causing a overdraft fee. Like $30 for overdraft on ATM. I finally went to the bank and asked them WHY they give him money when he doesn't have any. The bank told me they will give upto $300 over. (then collect all the fee's !!!)

Does the school have a credit union or their own bank? Could you transfer money into it monthly and have her physically to to withdraw?
She won't be in a dorm? I know dorms have curfew's.
easy child learned very fast that you don't have time to goof off. You have to study or they kick you out. easy child was suspended from college for a semester and a summer due to poor grades. They just don't put up with it.

Good luck to you and daughter.

 

[Sunlight]

the answer to finding peace is to turn it over to God's care. he can see her at all times. ask for peace for yourself too so you dont get too anxious.

 

[Hound dog]

Remember that old song with "you have to be cruel to be kind, in the right measure..."?? I think letting natural consequences take their course is a form of this. Sometimes it can make you feel like the meanest person alive, but you're actually helping them learn valuable lessons that have a much better chance of sticking than just telling them something.

A few years back my easy child asked me if I'd either cosign or give her the down payment for a loan to buy her house. I told her I'd do neither, if you can't get the loan on your own you don't need it, and if you don't have the down payment you don't need the house. Look for a home in a different price range. When she was crushed (and she was) I explained that I'd waited 20 yrs for my first home. That just because she was newly married and had a child didn't mean she was ready to own her own home yet.

easy child found another way to get the loan, and it involved making her house payment more affordable. Also she found a better home in a lower price range that was a far better deal than the one's she'd been looking at. If I'd done what easy child wanted she could've lost the house due to the payments being too high and ruined her credit. I had to be harsh and firm in the moment to help her in the future.

As far as the budget.... You could have a set allowance for difficult child. If she over spends for whatever reason she remains broke til time for allowance again. If she needs something during that time she does without.

I do the above for Travis, although it was with his paycheck. He'd blow it on tons of stuff he didn't need then whine about not having money to eat ect. Enough times of doing without, and he greatly improved on budgeting his own money. (he lives at home)

Hugs