S
Signorina
Guest
Just posting in response to Kathy's ..."move over" - we are going to need an NBA sized sectional couch at this rate. So scoot on over, grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine...and let's chat!
seems like spring has sprung and so many of our difficult child's are bouncing all over the place.
Just a post to encourage some updates...
Me?
After my pity party post here last Sunday - on difficult child's birthday - I think my H started to worry because I was teary all day. This may be too much information, but we were um happily intimate that morning and I burst into tears - actual sobs - right afterward. Totally a surprise to both of us. Not pretty weeping, but hiccuping snotty sobs. Certainly not the most romantic moment. All day I had trouble getting anything done. I had a humongous work project due the next day and I couldn't concentrate. Just went around in circles. Kept remembering the moment he was born...his birth was a little traumatic. My blood pressure plummeted and we lost his heartbeat. I remember in a daze the nurse trying to get me to move (I was numb from my epidural) and yelling at me "you gotta turn on your side or we're going to lose this kid..." and I was terrified at the thought I could lose this baby at 42 weeks and 2 days gestation. One of the worst moments of my life. It seems to parallel getting a kid to age 18 safe and sound and IN COLLEGE and then losing him to gfgdom just when I thought we could start pulling away...and that the hard part was over!
Anyway, H felt so bad for me that he secretly called difficult child and told him to call me. And he did. It was really nice to hear his voice. He was in North Dakota visiting a friend on "spring break." He still wants to keep up the facade - to himself - that he is a college student despite that truth that he is a drop out who has been suspended. Whatever.. He is working at pizza hut for minimum wage, plans to head back here (city not our house) when school gets out to resume his summer job. I gently reminded him that his summer job (landscape) pays WAY more than pizza hut & that the mild weather meant that the landscaping company is all ready at work, But he wants to stay in the college town until school gets out. Doesn't seem too concerned about money - apparently he has the finances to travel. He talked to his brothers for a good long time, and H too. The ice has been broken, I guess.
He did get in touch this week, he wanted to know if we would be home for Easter (no) and if so - could he come for Easter dinner. He also had questions about his taxes. I helped him with some information and transferred his turbo tax account (free file) to his new email address. We chatted for a bit. He seems to have forgotten that he lied about being enrolled in a few classes at Community college (he's not) - and I didn't remind him. He told me he is meeting with his advisor this week to set his schedule for next year. The conversation was nice and I was able to express my concerns that he will not be able to bring his resident GPA up to a 2.00 (necessary to be in good standing) even if he gets a 3.0 next semester. He believes he can take 19 credit hours and get a 3.2 to be off the hook. I find that doubtful, but didn't say so. I went over the GPA numbers with him and stressed that's why his dad and I wanted him to enroll in CC and stay home and see a pysch and a neuro so that we could appeal to have his last semester (failed) expunged or changed to incompletes/Ws - so that he could transfer elsewhere and start over with a new resident GPA. I did tell him he should ask his advisor if there was a way to change his failed semester to a withdrawal and remove the Fs from his GPA. He listened or pretended to do so - and at least I was able to get those points across. Something he didn't quite want to hear when he was home.
He told me he and his pothead roommate are looking at places for next year. Randy - his friend who had the pyschotic break in 2011 - may live with them too - but he is still talking it over with his parents. I expressed that I thought it was nice that Randy's parents were involved in his decision. difficult child said they might lease an apartment starting May 1 so they can leave their stuff there over summer break. He thinks he can handle two rents...which is a surprise to me. Said he will pay "only" $200 p/m to sublet a room this summer in our city so he can afford to pay both rents.
I updated him on his brother's college choice and told him that PC17 received a great scholarship. Let him know that his same age cousin is transferring to a *great school* in the fall and he seemed happy for both of them and a little sheepish. I asked him to save the date of his bros HS grad & he said he would NEVER miss it. I told him he could sleep on the couch in the den the night before so he can hang out with the visiting relatives.
All good news. I could almost close my eyes and believe things will be OK. But been there done that. Grain of salt taken - but nice to know he's trying or at least faking it to us- must mean he cares somewhere. And I was able to get in many of the words I wanted to say. So, it is what it is... he isn't completely lost. Not yet anyway
seems like spring has sprung and so many of our difficult child's are bouncing all over the place.
Just a post to encourage some updates...
Me?
After my pity party post here last Sunday - on difficult child's birthday - I think my H started to worry because I was teary all day. This may be too much information, but we were um happily intimate that morning and I burst into tears - actual sobs - right afterward. Totally a surprise to both of us. Not pretty weeping, but hiccuping snotty sobs. Certainly not the most romantic moment. All day I had trouble getting anything done. I had a humongous work project due the next day and I couldn't concentrate. Just went around in circles. Kept remembering the moment he was born...his birth was a little traumatic. My blood pressure plummeted and we lost his heartbeat. I remember in a daze the nurse trying to get me to move (I was numb from my epidural) and yelling at me "you gotta turn on your side or we're going to lose this kid..." and I was terrified at the thought I could lose this baby at 42 weeks and 2 days gestation. One of the worst moments of my life. It seems to parallel getting a kid to age 18 safe and sound and IN COLLEGE and then losing him to gfgdom just when I thought we could start pulling away...and that the hard part was over!
Anyway, H felt so bad for me that he secretly called difficult child and told him to call me. And he did. It was really nice to hear his voice. He was in North Dakota visiting a friend on "spring break." He still wants to keep up the facade - to himself - that he is a college student despite that truth that he is a drop out who has been suspended. Whatever.. He is working at pizza hut for minimum wage, plans to head back here (city not our house) when school gets out to resume his summer job. I gently reminded him that his summer job (landscape) pays WAY more than pizza hut & that the mild weather meant that the landscaping company is all ready at work, But he wants to stay in the college town until school gets out. Doesn't seem too concerned about money - apparently he has the finances to travel. He talked to his brothers for a good long time, and H too. The ice has been broken, I guess.
He did get in touch this week, he wanted to know if we would be home for Easter (no) and if so - could he come for Easter dinner. He also had questions about his taxes. I helped him with some information and transferred his turbo tax account (free file) to his new email address. We chatted for a bit. He seems to have forgotten that he lied about being enrolled in a few classes at Community college (he's not) - and I didn't remind him. He told me he is meeting with his advisor this week to set his schedule for next year. The conversation was nice and I was able to express my concerns that he will not be able to bring his resident GPA up to a 2.00 (necessary to be in good standing) even if he gets a 3.0 next semester. He believes he can take 19 credit hours and get a 3.2 to be off the hook. I find that doubtful, but didn't say so. I went over the GPA numbers with him and stressed that's why his dad and I wanted him to enroll in CC and stay home and see a pysch and a neuro so that we could appeal to have his last semester (failed) expunged or changed to incompletes/Ws - so that he could transfer elsewhere and start over with a new resident GPA. I did tell him he should ask his advisor if there was a way to change his failed semester to a withdrawal and remove the Fs from his GPA. He listened or pretended to do so - and at least I was able to get those points across. Something he didn't quite want to hear when he was home.
He told me he and his pothead roommate are looking at places for next year. Randy - his friend who had the pyschotic break in 2011 - may live with them too - but he is still talking it over with his parents. I expressed that I thought it was nice that Randy's parents were involved in his decision. difficult child said they might lease an apartment starting May 1 so they can leave their stuff there over summer break. He thinks he can handle two rents...which is a surprise to me. Said he will pay "only" $200 p/m to sublet a room this summer in our city so he can afford to pay both rents.
I updated him on his brother's college choice and told him that PC17 received a great scholarship. Let him know that his same age cousin is transferring to a *great school* in the fall and he seemed happy for both of them and a little sheepish. I asked him to save the date of his bros HS grad & he said he would NEVER miss it. I told him he could sleep on the couch in the den the night before so he can hang out with the visiting relatives.
All good news. I could almost close my eyes and believe things will be OK. But been there done that. Grain of salt taken - but nice to know he's trying or at least faking it to us- must mean he cares somewhere. And I was able to get in many of the words I wanted to say. So, it is what it is... he isn't completely lost. Not yet anyway
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