I have noticed my daughter has been more emotional lately than usual. The youth pastor commented to me today that she doesn't seem like herself lately. And she is more hyper about getting her brother in trouble than ever....although she and he have always had a bit of a strained relationship.
Son a sexual abuser?
- Thread starter ggluvbug
- Start date
witzend
Well-Known Member
Linda, I remember how nervous you were about the situation in June, and how worried you were about authorities becoming involved. I'm glad that you were able to write to gg about your experiences. It's comforting to see that you were able to get help and to make sense of what to do and what was going on.
OpenWindow
Active Member
Thanks witzend... it has been very hard and still very confusing and painful to everyone involved. We're just going day by day.
GG - I so understand that sick feeling you have. While my son was hypersexual when he was younger, we thought it was under control. This was the last thing we thought would happen - we thought he knew better. I'm a survivor myself, and I am in so much turmoil that my daughter may be going through even a small part of what I went through and still deal with every day. She didn't deserve this. And I can't believe that it is my son who did it to her. My daughter has been more emotional and stubborn since it happened. She has refused to talk to anyone but me about it, and even then it's like pulling teeth. She did open up with her counselor last week a little bit about how she feels about her brother, but not about what happened.
I think it's normal that your son would act matter of fact when he's talking about it. I have found myself doing that too when I'm telling counselors or DHS or whoever. It's a way of detaching because it's so hard to really think about what he did and all of the implications.
I really do recommend talking to a lawyer about this before everything starts. I wish I had before DHS showed up. Of course, lawyers are mandatory reporters too.
How's it going today?
GG - I so understand that sick feeling you have. While my son was hypersexual when he was younger, we thought it was under control. This was the last thing we thought would happen - we thought he knew better. I'm a survivor myself, and I am in so much turmoil that my daughter may be going through even a small part of what I went through and still deal with every day. She didn't deserve this. And I can't believe that it is my son who did it to her. My daughter has been more emotional and stubborn since it happened. She has refused to talk to anyone but me about it, and even then it's like pulling teeth. She did open up with her counselor last week a little bit about how she feels about her brother, but not about what happened.
I think it's normal that your son would act matter of fact when he's talking about it. I have found myself doing that too when I'm telling counselors or DHS or whoever. It's a way of detaching because it's so hard to really think about what he did and all of the implications.
I really do recommend talking to a lawyer about this before everything starts. I wish I had before DHS showed up. Of course, lawyers are mandatory reporters too.
How's it going today?
Well, my son is in the local hospital now. The psychiatrist decided this morning that he needed to be in the hospital. At first, she was thinking maybe manic episodes, but as the day has gone on, there is suggestion that he may be making another trip to the state hospital or a program that focuses on sexual abuse perpetrated by children. I am hoping for the latter so he can get specifically what he needs. Fortunately, his psychiatrist and I have a good relationship and she respects what I know. So I feel like I have some say in this.
As for my daughter, she has not even asked where her brother is today. I am concerned about that. I am waiting for a therapist to call me back to make an appointment for her to talk to someone.
As for my daughter, she has not even asked where her brother is today. I am concerned about that. I am waiting for a therapist to call me back to make an appointment for her to talk to someone.
smallworld
Moderator
Just wanted to mention that if your son is being treated for bipolar disorder, his medications are on the low side. If the medications are not in a therapeutic range, that could be the cause of his hypersexuality. Trileptal is typically dosed at 900 to 1200 mg per day, with some children requiring as much as 1500 to 2400 mg. Seroquel can go as high as 800 mg to address anxiety, depression, mania and mood instability.
katya02
Solace
Thank goodness for all concerned! Although this must be very tough for you, your son is now in a safe place and hopefully will get the specific evaluation and treatment that he needs. Your daughters are now safe. You now have peace of mind and can turn to focus on your daughters and their needs. You did a great job today! {{hugs}}
OpenWindow
Active Member
Sounds like things are progressing positively. It is so important to have a professional you can trust in times like these. My difficult child's counselor has been a Godsend for me.
Keep us posted.
Keep us posted.
We are new to these medications and I haven't really read alot about them yet. He was on a higher dose of Seroquel, but the doctor lowered it trying to get the lowest dose with the desired effect. At higher levels, he was much more teary-eyed than he is now. The doctor did mention that the Trileptal could be increased.
When we did the admit today, the nurse told me that the psychiatrist wants to wait to mess with the medications. I am sure they will do blood levels, etc before making any adjustments.
Thanks so much.
I asked my daughter about where she thought her brother was and she guessed the hospital. Been there, done that so many times before, I guess. Then she told me she was glad he was there because she was tired of him being mean to her. When I asked her if she knew why he was there, she said "Because he was mean to me and touched me" So she understands that we are trying to keep her safe. And I do think she feels a bit relieved.
klmno
Active Member
Just sending support- I know this must have been a very difficult day for you, but you have done the right thing and no one can ask more than that. Keeping your girls safe, yet trying to get help for him, are more than enough for any parent in one day!
I'm not sure where the line is to define a child "sexual perpetrator", but I feel your son was close to it. I realize that he did cross inappropriate boundaries that caused your daughter distress and fear. but I still think he can be helped, because in a way, he asked for help. I hope that it really was before he did more than you know about.
I'm not sure where the line is to define a child "sexual perpetrator", but I feel your son was close to it. I realize that he did cross inappropriate boundaries that caused your daughter distress and fear. but I still think he can be helped, because in a way, he asked for help. I hope that it really was before he did more than you know about.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
We had a sexual predator in our house, we adopted him at 11 and he acted like the BEST kid to adults (it turned out worse than we knew--info trickled in after he left). If a child perps on one who is three years younger it is not in any way considered experimentation--it is being a sexual predator, at least in our state. This child was tried and found guilty in a court of law of Sexual Assault of a Minor. He was 13. She was 5. She felt very safe knowing he was punished and would not be back. He was sent to a home for young sexual predators. That doesn't mean a child can't rape or hurt a child who is near his age. It's just a legal thing, at least where I live. CPS was not lenient with him. He wasn't allowed back home, which is good, because he had perped so much we didn't want him back. He had threatened the kids at knifepoint to perp. NO, we did not know. CPS did try to help him though. He is 18 now. We wonder if he's on the streets, and it scares us, but he moved and so did we.
mama_cat2004
New Member
I have a easy child who sexually molested a younger nephew. He was 16 at the time. I cannot begin to tell you how devasting it was on us as a family. The moment he was accused ( he admitted it and said he had a problem) we immediately began seeking counseling for him. His case, however, went to court and he was placed in a juvenile detention facility until he was placed at an inpatient treatment facility that had a wing that was strictly for others like him. He was there for 8mths. It was an incredibly intensive program which involved a lot of family participation. It was a godsend. I hope that things turn out well for your son but I can honestly tell you that it's not going to be easy. One thing that I had to emphasize to my son was that no matter what he did, I would never stop loving him, nor turn my back on him. He's now 26 yrs old and has not had any more problems in this area. Good luck...praying for you.
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Well, here it is a couple of months later, and my son is now in a residential treatment facility in Tennessee. The program is designed for juvenile sexual offenders. It was really hard to find a facility for him because of his age. But he is there for a while, and now I am looking for someone to see my daughter. However, that is a challenge. There are not many people in my area at all who see kids in my daughter's situation.
tessaturtle
New Member
All the advice so far, I would echo. I think the positive to look for in this is that he shared his violent thoughts with you. I would also look at that as a cry for help from him.
