Son with DTs resisting further treatment

[katya02]

It was suggested to me that I post this as a new thread, since my last thread regarding my son went quiet several months ago. I have copied and pasted my updated post here. Three people have replied, and I'm not sure whether I can copy and paste their replies - I will if I can.

My 34 yo son with severe AUD has just gone through prolonged DTs in hospital after a seizure at home and a fracture-dislocation of his right shoulder. He has woken up in the past day and is paranoid, hostile, and still hallucinating. He talks civilly to his dad but not to me. His husband has been very involved and upset and is looking for long term residential treatment places to try to reset because since last September my son’s drinking has been one long binge and blackout, hasn’t been able to leave the house or walk anywhere, hardly eating. We hoped he would take his situation seriously on waking up. We were in the city where he lives, 4 hours drive away, for days last week and weekend; had to come home to take my second son for a psychiatric appointment. My alcoholic son was offended when he heard that we had left, even though we are going back to his city tomorrow.

We are traveling there tomorrow because he will almost certainly be discharged then. My husband wants to bring him home with us for a week while his shoulder further heals and his husband makes arrangements for residential rehab. I don’t think he will agree to either plan. I am in despair after hearing his attitude to me yesterday, his first words spoken to me after more than a week of life-threatening illness. He is hostile, paranoid, critical of everyone. His husband says he is still constantly hallucinating.My husband has surgery scheduled for next Monday and I have to care for HIM afterward, he is my priority, and I don’t think I can care for them both. My husband treats the surgery lightly, as if he’ll be at the gym the next day, but I know how he is as a patient and the surgery is very painful. He won’t be in a condition to talk our son down. but he has made the offer to our son in law. Again, I doubt our son will agree to come when he can’t get alcohol at our house. His major injury and critical illness mean nothing to him. He won’t let his husband talk to the psychiatrist because it’s not his business’. I don’t want next week to happen. I love my son but right now he is sunk so far in addiction that there’s no reaching him.

 

[katya02]

This is a reply from KSM - I apologize for moving this post! Again, it was suggested that it might be helpful to have a new thread situated on its own.

KSM:
I hope your son does not come to your house. It's too bad your husband didn't talk to you first! If he comes, will your son's husband come with him to help?

If not, I'd tell your husband he needs to call and postpone his surgery until your son is living somewhere else. This would be a deal breaker for me.

We went thru a similar situation with our granddaughter...she was psychotic for about two months as she was detoxing from meth. She wasn't violent, but it was awful. At first, she was focused on her bio mom who she had been living with...her mom was "evil and Satan". At our house, it was my husband who was the evil one. She wanted us to take her to a priest for an exorcism. We aren't even Catholic! Plus we had already flown across the country a month earlier to bring her 18 months old son back to the mid-west. I had my hands full! It was like she was afraid of her child and wouldn't interact with him.

I hope your son gets the help he needs...but not at your expense, not emotionally, not physically, and not financially. Ksm

dgd #1- now adopted daughter#1 - diagnosed as static encephalopathy, alcohol exposed, DMDD, ADHD and now offcially bipolar. Update...she is now 26 and is still impulsive but more stable.
dgd#2 - now adopted daughter#2 - Opposite of sister. Withdraws, instead of rages. In intensive outpatient therapy for drugs, including meth. History of cutting. Updated to add, has been with her abusive boyfriend off and on since 14 years old. She is now 23 and her doctor is meth. Has legal problems from meth possession charges. No longer with the boyfriend, as he returned to his estranged wife.