Son's birthday...wondering if he's safe

[joysheph]

Twenty eight years ago I gave birth to a beautiful boy. I was so young (17), he saved me back then and he made me responsible to give him the best life I could give. We grew up together. Never any problems in school or with peers. He was my football star. Until he broke his leg his junior year. No more football and more opioids came. He struggle he declined he dropped out. He blamed he denied he escaped...life. I ignored, I denied, I escaped I seen what I wanted to see. I enabled!

Today is his birthday he's 28 and homeless and lost. I wonder how is he what is he doing...why can't he wake up from the poison that fills his mind? Why can't he be that football star in society now... as he once was then?

I'm tired of feeling the guilt and taking the blame. I'm tired of putting me on the side lines cheering for the star to rise and catching the ball when he drops it...over and over and over again. I deserve to be the star of my life, yeah?

Today is his 28th birthday and I pray he hits his rock bottom and rise to the glory of this beautiful life. I hope he has the strength to reach out to catch that ball of help out there and win the struggle of addiction and mental health support made available to him. For only he can win the game and I will cheer him on to the touchdown.

 

[StillStanding]

Joyshep,

I'm sorry that you're struggling today. Special occasions can be very stressful for those of us struggling in our families.

You are not alone.

 

[Carri]

Joyshep, I know the feeling all too well. My son is 32 and I think it's been at least 5 years since I've known where he was on his birthday.Then there were the years he was incarcerated or in rehab on his birthdays; which is better because at least I knew where he was. Last year, I baked cupcakes and brought them into the office to share, not telling anyone why. It was my own little celebration. I lit a candle that evening and prayed. It's just not right not being able to tell your child happy birthday, is it? I'm sorry for your pain. You're not alone.

 

[Catmom]

So touching what you wrote. We all have been there or are at this same place right now. Thinking of you and sending a prayer your way.

 

[RN0441]

Hugs and prayers for you and your son. I hope he finds his way soon.

 

[wisernow]

I am sorry for what you are feeling today Joy. But you are correct. The greatest gift you can give him right now is to stand back and get out of his way. He needs to find his way. You can cheer on, and love him totally but from the sidelines. and that is the greatest gift given accompanied by the greatest pain for Mom. we get it. Many hugs!!!!!

 

[Copabanana]

Joy. I hope you are well. My son is 28 and was homeless. He is not now. What you say is so beautiful and it was true for me too with my own son: he saved me back then. (My quote machine is broken. Sorry.) Now it is time for me to save myself. And our sons, themselves. You say it better than I do. I hope you are well. I will look for you to post.

 

[SeekingStrength]

Joy,

Thinking of you tonight.

It is all twisted, isn't it? My eldest turned 36 last week. We have not spoken in over a year. Like you, I want him to want to change his heart and thus his lifestyle enough to beat the addictions. Each day I pray and trust that the change will happen some day.

And, I pray for wisdom to know what to do, while feeling confident it is to stay quiet and wait. Everything his dad and I tried never did one iota of good.

SS

 

[joysheph]

Thank you all for the posts it really makes me feel stronger when I'm weak. I seen him today walking it just angers me seeing him so lost. I don't get why he can't reach out ? I guess it's not meant for me to gethe. I'll just stand on the side lines and wait. I'm trying to do me for once.