Spoke too soon...

[ksm]

thought I was on a win-win situation... But the older DGD seems to have slipped up.

8 days ago an acquaintance died. He was on a motorcycle, police tried to pull him over, he tried to flee, ran cycle into back of an SUV, was not wearing helmet and died at the scene. Yes, it's a tragedy... But I don't think she has been to work since. It all happened last Saturday, funeral was yesterday (a week later).

It would seem like she was very close to this person. But younger DGD says they didn't really hang out, she wasn't part of his group, but she has to go help comfort everyone. She hasn't spent the night here since it happened. Says she has been spending the night with one of his friends as he wasn't coping well.

This is a pattern. She has lost jobs because of doing this in the past. It's like she is drawn to the emotional drama. She hadn't tried to keep in touch with us. I believe she is in a manic phase. Kept talking about how busy she was with selling the memorial t shirts and bracelets.

Really... I am just ready for her move out. The problem is, she would probably not stay any where long term... Relationships never last long. Same with friendships. She's 20 now. So I have little say so in anything. Except for our boundaries at home. Tired of this. Ksm

 

[AppleCori]

I remember you talking about this kind of situation before, with older DGD. She does love the drama, but also, I think she likes to be ‘needed’. I remember when she was babysitting all those kids while the father was running around with his girlfriend or something, and neglecting the kids (if I remember right). And she wasn’t even getting paid. She does have a big heart. Reminds me of my brother, who will give the shirt off his back to anyone, while neglecting his own well-being.

How is younger DGD doing?

 

[ksm]

I am sure she likes the feeling needed part. Younger sis thinks she focuses on the death drama as way to wedge herself in to a "friend group". Like, if she caters to the persons friends, they will take her in. I think when her life gets boring, (like going to work regularly!) she finds a major distraction/drama.

A couple months ago, she even invented a death drama. Said a friend of hers was a cousin to a student in the Parkland school shooting, and she just had to be with that person, and they were on the way to pick her up! Or course she had to be gone all night,bacause they didn't want to be alone. Who does this level of crazy??

I think some people thrive on drama,N and if they can't find it, they create it.

So done... Ksm

 

[recoveringenabler]

I so empathize with you KSM, the drama gets so old.....they seem attracted to it like bees to honey....but for us, it just wears us down, wears us out. I'm sorry you continue having to deal with so much.....try to disengage from it and go do something for you....and keep doing something for you....every day....

Sending big hugs....I really get it. Sigh.

 

[ksm]

I haven't heard fom her for 5 days now, but I see that she's been online. FB messenger shows me how many hours have passed since she last longed on. Usually it's not more than 4 or 5 hours.

I don't know if she is in town, or the town an hour away where the funeral was held. Don't have a clue who she is staying with...

Ksm

 

[ksm]

Well, yesterday morning she finally texted me, at 6:30am. Asked about coming home, cleaning up, doing laundry and "getting back on track".

I said, ok, but we need to talk. When she got home she showered, then went to bed for about 4 hours. When she got up I tried to talk to her...but she was so defensive it was useless. I noticed the back of her upper arms were covered in bites...bed bugs.

She said she didn't come home, as she needed to be "available" to her grieving friends 24/7 and if they called her at 2am, she needed to be able to go to them. This was because...one guy wasn't coping well, one tried to overdose and one tried to commit suicide. Then, the day before she did come home, one friend and her mom was in a car accident, and she had to be there for them.

She said she has a job...but not many hours. (Classic sign in food service, that they don't want you there). She had to work last night, and her shirt and apron were at friends house. So she left to go get them...and didn't come back. I texted, as I wanted to know if/when she might be back. She said she worked at 4 and would just go from there and not stop by the house. She was back at bed bug house... The same girls who ditched her month ago at a restaurant...she went to the ladies room, came out and they had left her there. Yep, these are the friends she has to be available for 24/7!

Last night, I saw she was in FB messenger at 10pm. I texted her and asked if she was coming home. She said she still had one table that hadn't left. Texted back that sister was still watching tv, so text her to open door, and if she didn't answer, knock on door,and I would let her in.

Woke up this morning, her cars not here. Saw she was on FB at 5am, texted...why didn't you just send a text that you were not coming home? She promptly logged off FB.

She needs help. I truly think she's in a manic phase... But, she thinks I am the problem... Not her. Ksm

 

[RN0441]

KSM

Do you think maybe it's time she move out on her own or with "friends"? It seems she is being very disrespectful to you and your home. She'll never get more responsible this way.

I know you would worry but you worry now too. You need to have some peace in your own home. It's never what we want as loving moms/grandmothers etc. but sometimes enough is enough. I know she is young but some of these kids need a kick in the butt. I know my son did.

 

[ksm]

Yes, she needs to move out...but I doubt that it will be long term, no matter where she goes. I talked to my son, and she has been there some. He Did say she was going to go back there this evening and help mow. He has a riding mower and an acre of land. Because of his spinal problems he can't do it any more.

I am hoping she finds a different job, or at least a 2nd job do she has a better chance of being self sufficient.
Ksm