SS16 - Encopresis is back

[AppleCori]

Betty,

I didn't realize you have three other minor children in the home.

This makes it your business.

I don't think the option of ignoring/accepting this is on the table anymore.

Think about the options that you do have.

You can run them by us, or do this on your own, but please do this.

We are here to support you.

Apple

 

[AppleCori]

I hate to say this, but I doubt he is able to hide this from his school mates. '

If your younger kids know, his teenage classmates do as well.

This is very hard for him.

 

[Betty B]

Given that the problems cleared up after the hospital stay, the boy's father is remiss in not having the boy assessed now that the problem has reappeared.

Did I read correctly that after the boy was hospitalized and treated the problem resolved, or did I misinterpret that?

Cedar

Think how we would feel if this were happening to one of us.

Correct, after the hospital clean out he was fine -- it's been about 5 months of clean underwear.

Hubby "says" this afternoon he called the doctor. He says the doctor says to "up" the miralax dosage. I'm like for real?! That's IT?!

I frankly don't believe he called the doctor. And this is supposedly the doctor that treated him for 3 days in the hospital. I would expect they would have him come in again immediately.

Essentially, and unfortunately, as the past predicts the future, this is going to go on and on for months and months with this half-assed treatment until either I spaz or it becomes medically necessary for him to be in the hospital yet again.

I'm very disheartened and frustrated.

 

[Betty B]

I hate to say this, but I doubt he is able to hide this from his school mates. '

If your younger kids know, his teenage classmates do as well.

This is very hard for him.

I agree. Given his lack of social life, I truly believe he's either isolating himself due to his issue, or being shut out by peers due to smell and hygiene. It has to be crushing his self esteem.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Have you tried changing his diet to Paleo or FODMAP, Betty? We have a thread going on Watercooler about those very things.

Cedar

 

[Betty B]

Have you tried changing his diet to Paleo or FODMAP, Betty? We have a thread going on Watercooler about those very things.

Cedar

No, but I'll check into it! Thank you.

 

[AppleCori]

Did the increased Miralax dosage help over the weekend?

 

[Betty B]

Did the increased Miralax dosage help over the weekend?

Thanks for asking!
He had a rare weekend with his mom. So I don't know. He wasn't home to produce wash for me to check.

I do know that SS won't take the medicine on his own. Not to be negative, just have been through this multiple times now. I'm sure nothing has changed. But I'll update here as soon as I know.

 

[AppleCori]

Just a thought, Betty

Does your son live close enough to the grandparents that he will be visiting them soon? Maybe they will realize this is not taken care of and talk to you adults about this and dad will have to open his eyes.

 

[Betty B]

They are aware as of Friday. And have talked to my husband and SS about it. The grandparents experience the same apathetic responses from both of them that I do.
I just don't get it! You'd think SS would want to be rid of this!
They are beginning to wonder if it is also a mental or stress issue for SS and not just physical. I've thought that for a long long time now.
All we can do is wait for SS to want to be rid of this and for husband to tire of the issue.

 

[wakeupcall]

My Difficult Child went through this until the age of 16-17 and for the most part it has quit. I had taken him to the doctor and they showed him the xrays of the impaction and what could be done about it. He was probably 10-11 at the time. The problem is the same as everything else...they quit when they want to quit. It became a health issue because he was obstinate, lazy...whatever you want to say. It was horrible, just horrible. There was not a thing I tried that would work. The laundry was a real issue. Nothing worked to rid his clothing of the odor. I wouldn't wash any other clothing with his clothing because the odor would permeate everyone else's clothes. We had clogged toilet after clogged toilet. I found soiled clothing in every nook and cranny in the house.

I'm so sorry. It's a terrible thing to go through. I can't imagine that our DCs don't feel it, smell it. I'm thinking they just plain don't care enough to get up and GO, or at the very least, clean themselves if an "accident" happens. I thought once he was interested in a girl it would stop. I think that was the beginning of the end of it, but it still took a very long time to REtrain himself.

 

[Betty B]

My Difficult Child went through this until the age of 16-17 and for the most part it has quit. I had taken him to the doctor and they showed him the xrays of the impaction and what could be done about it. He was probably 10-11 at the time. The problem is the same as everything else...they quit when they want to quit. It became a health issue because he was obstinate, lazy...whatever you want to say. It was horrible, just horrible. There was not a thing I tried that would work. The laundry was a real issue. Nothing worked to rid his clothing of the odor. I wouldn't wash any other clothing with his clothing because the odor would permeate everyone else's clothes. We had clogged toilet after clogged toilet. I found soiled clothing in every nook and cranny in the house.

I'm so sorry. It's a terrible thing to go through. I can't imagine that our DCs don't feel it, smell it. I'm thinking they just plain don't care enough to get up and GO, or at the very least, clean themselves if an "accident" happens. I thought once he was interested in a girl it would stop. I think that was the beginning of the end of it, but it still took a very long time to REtrain himself.

Thanks for sharing wakeupcall!

 

[Betty B]

A new piece to this puzzle and more fuel to the fact that I think SS has psychiatric issues, or rather his enco is related to psychiatric issues.
He is experiencing night terrors. Waking up in cold sweats freaking out about his grandfather who he's extremely close to. He's got extreme anxiety about his grandfather dying.
This has to be part of all of this.
I'm going crazy with this issue. Despite all the concern I realize I should be having, I got a good look at laundry tonite and it's bad.
He even has poop in his jean pockets.
I can't stand not having any say in this problem. It's making me crazy.

 

[Betty B]

There is jack squat online for 16 going on 17 year olds with enco. There is like no information!
I'm desperate for help. I think I"m going to call the doctor and spew on the entirety of SS"s enco. I can't sit back any longer.

 

[AppleCori]

I agree, Betty, that something needs to be done for that poor boy.

Can you talk to the grandparents about your concerns? You said dad didn't respond to them either, but maybe they should try more forcefully.

Maybe you and the grandparents should sit dad down and make him understand what a terrible thing he is doing to his son by not getting to the bottom of this problem.

Yes. calling the doctor to let them know the full extent of the problem sounds like a good idea.

Does dad have to do the son's laundry? Clean up after him? Maybe if he did, he would have to face this.
Apple

 

[Betty B]

I agree, Betty, that something needs to be done for that poor boy.

Can you talk to the grandparents about your concerns? You said dad didn't respond to them either, but maybe they should try more forcefully.

Maybe you and the grandparents should sit dad down and make him understand what a terrible thing he is doing to his son by not getting to the bottom of this problem.

Yes. calling the doctor to let them know the full extent of the problem sounds like a good idea.

Does dad have to do the son's laundry? Clean up after him? Maybe if he did, he would have to face this.
Apple

His dad, this time, thank god, is cleaning up after him because after 4 years he knows I'm at the end of dealing with this.
I'm just not feeling the urgency to handle the situation is as urgent as it should be. SOMETHING is VERY wrong here. I feel like walking out.

 

[Betty B]

I am positively convinced this is directly related to his anxiety or whatever else is going on that has yet to be addressed.

 

[AppleCori]

Yes there probably are some mental health concerns going on.

Can you talk to the grandparents about this?

Will dad let son go live with his grandparents and allow them to get his medical/psychiatric needs taken care of?

 

[InsaneCdn]

I am positively convinced this is directly related to his anxiety or whatever else is going on that has yet to be addressed.

Anxiety, specifically, can cause all sorts of health problems. This particular symptom is more obvious and more extreme than some, but the others are damaging as well. And that's before we get to any other possible mental health issues.

We treat too many things as strictly behavior problems ... and when we can't solve the problem we give up, instead of realizing that there is more to this than just "behavior" and "choices". It takes time and effort to get to the bottom of mental health challenges, and it's often hard to get the medical system to support this.

Unfortunately, it's even worse when you are the step-parent.

 

[Smujo]

Betty. Thank you for posting your story;
I'm wading around the net looking for some help : similar situation with 13 y son. Learning difficulties, very immature, and quite probably emotional issues too. Gets SO angry when I point out he needs to go to the loo or change, and seems to have no desire to clean himself up or change his pants.
At wits end too. I wondered if your SS has made any progress since you last posted, and whether you have any tips.

Its so hard not to get angry. And I am so tired of all the washing, and the smell.

I found this blog yesterday written by a very brave woman who has recovered from the condition. it really helped me to read it. themagicwithinus.com


Would love to hear from you

Smujo