Success Story/Graduation Update
- Thread starter Fran
- Start date
Love my sons
Active Member
Fran...teary smile's here too.
Love my sons
Active Member
Fran...teary smile's here too.
kris
New Member
can't tell you how thrilled i am for you, fran...and for difficult child. hey! maybe he qualifies as at least easy child/difficult child now, what do you think???
since the time i first started to get to know you i can't believe how much progress your son has made. it's been truly amazing. i'm totally convinced that this is just the start for him. there is only more positive progress for him in his future.
kris
since the time i first started to get to know you i can't believe how much progress your son has made. it's been truly amazing. i'm totally convinced that this is just the start for him. there is only more positive progress for him in his future.
kristransformtriumph
New Member
WOW! What an amazing triumph!! Thank you so much for telling us!
Love, D'Leah
Love, D'Leah
Pokey's mom
Member
I was reading this at work and got all teary eyed. What a great day for both you and difficult child. I can only hope that my son can be where yours is in 9 years. Congratulations :laugh:
Fran
Former desparate mom
Gosh, I just totally forgot to put his diagnosis in the profile signature.
difficult child was first diagnosed with ADHD and Learning disabilities(dysgraphia and dyscalcula) by 11yrs old it was obvious it wasn't that simple. He was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, atypical bipolar,executive function disability, nonverbal learning disorder and learning disabilities. (I think that's all). He has high average IQ and has good reading skills.
He has no juv. delinquent tendencies since that would require planning. Anxiety is a symptom of AS so he is fearsome of what he isn't familiar with. He reacted to anxiety by raging. He was extremely oppositional for years and can still "dig in his heels".
He attended an emotional growth boarding school for two years when he seemed to be in a continuous downward spiral and was on a real merry go round of medications until we hit on the right combination and he started to stabilize and his raging hormones settled down. He really made big leaps forward after 16 1/2yrs old and has progressed rapidly in the last 18mo.
He tends to be more of a loner but is more willing to socialize in a comfortable environment. He is a nice kid with a lot of strikes against him. He is a true square peg in a round hole but is really coming into his own.
His moods are much more within the normal range and his willingness to come out of his "comfort zone" despite his anxiety.
Sorry about forgetting the above.
difficult child was first diagnosed with ADHD and Learning disabilities(dysgraphia and dyscalcula) by 11yrs old it was obvious it wasn't that simple. He was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, atypical bipolar,executive function disability, nonverbal learning disorder and learning disabilities. (I think that's all). He has high average IQ and has good reading skills.
He has no juv. delinquent tendencies since that would require planning. Anxiety is a symptom of AS so he is fearsome of what he isn't familiar with. He reacted to anxiety by raging. He was extremely oppositional for years and can still "dig in his heels".
He attended an emotional growth boarding school for two years when he seemed to be in a continuous downward spiral and was on a real merry go round of medications until we hit on the right combination and he started to stabilize and his raging hormones settled down. He really made big leaps forward after 16 1/2yrs old and has progressed rapidly in the last 18mo.
He tends to be more of a loner but is more willing to socialize in a comfortable environment. He is a nice kid with a lot of strikes against him. He is a true square peg in a round hole but is really coming into his own.
His moods are much more within the normal range and his willingness to come out of his "comfort zone" despite his anxiety.
Sorry about forgetting the above.
Love my sons
Active Member
Fran...didn't really say all I meant to say earlier. I accidently hit "add reply" before I was ready. :laugh:
I just want you to know that I admire your love for your son...and how it has manifested itself into great courage and hope as an example to all of us.
I don't know if you consider yourself "non-neurotypical" but I do within me.
It is like trying to find the cure by bleeding to death so that you might eventually heal and can pass it on...but even then, they have to be willing...no amount of cure will absolutely fix it.
I see that "trust" has been built up for your son. He no longer shy's away from the world....that is so wonderful in many ways.
I am reminded of when my young difficult child just got out of Rehab (Sept 02)...He was at school eating alone as he didn't feel like he fit in...some girls were making fun of how he was dressed. They threw some food at him...he walked over to them and made a threatening remark only to be suspended that day...the first of many since...sigh.
I remember him crying in the car telling me how he had "hid" himself ...kept himself away from other people so that he wouldn't cause a problem and he couldn't understand why they just couldn't leave him alone. :frown: :frown: :frown:
I don't want my son's to live in the shell that husband and I have lived in...I want them to REALLY LIVE!!! I know I have friends here...but I have always felt "different"..."socially impaired"...and like something was wrong with me...but my guesses were self cruelty. They weren't even close to the truth.
I hurt right now as I just got back from seeing my oldest difficult child at the Juvenille detention center. There is my baby...the guards ask me If he has ever sung for me...smile. Of course he has...They go on to tell me what a wonderful singing voice he has.
And then I talk to him on the phone seperated by glass...but he see's my soul tonight and that is good. he knows he is loved. he knows he is a survivor...oh what a survivor. He knows that when he wakes up in 2 days in that cell that he should give himself a hug (he demonstrated the hug he would give himself )...I told him to know that his dad and I love him and would wake up and say a prayer for him on Saturday, June 8th.
I keep seeing my beautiful baby Fran...I want him to grow like your difficult child has...I know he has exposed himself to alot of ugly in the last couple of years...I hope he will replace his thoughts and behavior with self nurturing ones regardless of what this world has to offer at any given time.
I know if my difficult child's ever take off running in the right direction...there is no stopping them.
Thanks for your daily inspiration to get through our lives...it is so painful but rewarding to know others are crossing the bridge...like your son is.
Hope all good things meet in the middle for your difficult child and his future.
Hugs,
LMS
PS...Will miss you while I'm away on vacation.
Maybe I'll be able to jump on the board after we leave Montana Mts. and head to Vegas on Tues.
I just want you to know that I admire your love for your son...and how it has manifested itself into great courage and hope as an example to all of us.
I don't know if you consider yourself "non-neurotypical" but I do within me.
It is like trying to find the cure by bleeding to death so that you might eventually heal and can pass it on...but even then, they have to be willing...no amount of cure will absolutely fix it.
I see that "trust" has been built up for your son. He no longer shy's away from the world....that is so wonderful in many ways.
I am reminded of when my young difficult child just got out of Rehab (Sept 02)...He was at school eating alone as he didn't feel like he fit in...some girls were making fun of how he was dressed. They threw some food at him...he walked over to them and made a threatening remark only to be suspended that day...the first of many since...sigh.
I remember him crying in the car telling me how he had "hid" himself ...kept himself away from other people so that he wouldn't cause a problem and he couldn't understand why they just couldn't leave him alone. :frown: :frown: :frown:
I don't want my son's to live in the shell that husband and I have lived in...I want them to REALLY LIVE!!! I know I have friends here...but I have always felt "different"..."socially impaired"...and like something was wrong with me...but my guesses were self cruelty. They weren't even close to the truth.
I hurt right now as I just got back from seeing my oldest difficult child at the Juvenille detention center. There is my baby...the guards ask me If he has ever sung for me...smile. Of course he has...They go on to tell me what a wonderful singing voice he has.
And then I talk to him on the phone seperated by glass...but he see's my soul tonight and that is good. he knows he is loved. he knows he is a survivor...oh what a survivor. He knows that when he wakes up in 2 days in that cell that he should give himself a hug (he demonstrated the hug he would give himself
)...I told him to know that his dad and I love him and would wake up and say a prayer for him on Saturday, June 8th. I keep seeing my beautiful baby Fran...I want him to grow like your difficult child has...I know he has exposed himself to alot of ugly in the last couple of years...I hope he will replace his thoughts and behavior with self nurturing ones regardless of what this world has to offer at any given time.
I know if my difficult child's ever take off running in the right direction...there is no stopping them.
Thanks for your daily inspiration to get through our lives...it is so painful but rewarding to know others are crossing the bridge...like your son is.
Hope all good things meet in the middle for your difficult child and his future.
Hugs,
LMS
PS...Will miss you while I'm away on vacation.
Maybe I'll be able to jump on the board after we leave Montana Mts. and head to Vegas on Tues.
Fran
Former desparate mom
I don't think we ever error when our choices are loved based. Even the harder or tougher love type choices.
difficult child went through a period of viewing us, especially me as the enemy. I viewed him with guarded caution. The mother bear still looked for what was in his best interest but I was pretty firm and no nonsense. We have gradually rebuilt mutual respect and affection. The love was always there. He is still a demanding personality. The dog still shivers if difficult child is ranting about anything. I subscribed to the notion that if he grew up to be a functioning law abiding, well adjusted, tax paying adult, it would be fine if he hated me. I would have done my job of parenting him. I was clear about that to difficult child. I hope he understands why I don't concern myself with being his friend but that he respects why I'm the "bad guy". I still hug him and love him when he lets me. He is one of my most precious gifts. His brother is my other. They have humbled me and showed me that I had to have my priorities in place to raise them. They do not tolerate insincerity well.
I'm pretty neuro typical. husband has some tendencies to be "unique" but not out of the realm of normal. difficult child seems to have inherited the most magnified versions of both sides of the genetic soup.(oppositional from my side :wink: )
Who would have known? husband and I are pretty average and never engaged in risky behavior(except smoking in the 70's on my part) We did the whole thing by the rules and we got surprised. There are no guarantees when we choose to parent.
Thanks for the congratulations and affection. I can feel pretty sure that I tried the best I knew how. I made mistakes along the way but kept looking at this kid asking myself "what did he need and how can I get it to him?" I don't believe kids want to be miserable.
LMS, I don't have any idea how to reach your difficult child 1. Maybe you and husband have a better insight into his thinking. I hope he allows you to break through that wall of self destructiveness. He has to know that you love him and have been through he** for him.
difficult child went through a period of viewing us, especially me as the enemy. I viewed him with guarded caution. The mother bear still looked for what was in his best interest but I was pretty firm and no nonsense. We have gradually rebuilt mutual respect and affection. The love was always there. He is still a demanding personality. The dog still shivers if difficult child is ranting about anything. I subscribed to the notion that if he grew up to be a functioning law abiding, well adjusted, tax paying adult, it would be fine if he hated me. I would have done my job of parenting him. I was clear about that to difficult child. I hope he understands why I don't concern myself with being his friend but that he respects why I'm the "bad guy". I still hug him and love him when he lets me. He is one of my most precious gifts. His brother is my other. They have humbled me and showed me that I had to have my priorities in place to raise them. They do not tolerate insincerity well.
I'm pretty neuro typical. husband has some tendencies to be "unique" but not out of the realm of normal. difficult child seems to have inherited the most magnified versions of both sides of the genetic soup.(oppositional from my side :wink: )
Who would have known? husband and I are pretty average and never engaged in risky behavior(except smoking in the 70's on my part) We did the whole thing by the rules and we got surprised. There are no guarantees when we choose to parent.
Thanks for the congratulations and affection. I can feel pretty sure that I tried the best I knew how. I made mistakes along the way but kept looking at this kid asking myself "what did he need and how can I get it to him?" I don't believe kids want to be miserable.
LMS, I don't have any idea how to reach your difficult child 1. Maybe you and husband have a better insight into his thinking. I hope he allows you to break through that wall of self destructiveness. He has to know that you love him and have been through he** for him.
Love my sons
Active Member
Sigh...unfortunately right now, I know I would walk through He** again and again if I thought I could show them through my life what is on the other side...
I hope God will make a "believer" out of them, if you will, without forcing them into heaven too soon.
Hugs,
LMS
PS...I will try to look at them more while asking that same question youve asked...about what my child needs at any given moment and how can I give that to him.
I have tried...need faith though...my trying is not sufficient, maybe it can't be...they will have to utilize some of their own strength/persuasion...I hope it ends up being for the positive. They are made of all that I am and husband is...they can do this...I have to believe that. (Drying my tears now)
I hope God will make a "believer" out of them, if you will, without forcing them into heaven too soon.
Hugs,
LMS
PS...I will try to look at them more while asking that same question youve asked...about what my child needs at any given moment and how can I give that to him.
I have tried...need faith though...my trying is not sufficient, maybe it can't be...they will have to utilize some of their own strength/persuasion...I hope it ends up being for the positive. They are made of all that I am and husband is...they can do this...I have to believe that. (Drying my tears now)
muttmeister
Well-Known Member
CONGRATULATIONS to your difficult child AND to you. As the mother of a senior who did NOT graduate this spring, I can only imagine how proud and happy your are that yours did. It speaks volumes both for you and for him. I wish you both continued success. Enjoy. :laugh:
T
TrishQ
Guest
/importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif Comgratulations Fran and difficult child - both of you worked hard - its wonderful that even though you were the driving force, he doesn't hate you - the thumbs up and smile proves how proud he is and thankful.
Hang in there - the next step will be the hardest of all for you. It seems he is more than ready for the challenge that awaits him.
Hugs,
Trish
Hang in there - the next step will be the hardest of all for you. It seems he is more than ready for the challenge that awaits him.
Hugs,
Trish
Fran, I do really love reading these posts of yours...I can so relate to the prompting at 18 and right now when I think about it, it seems discouraging, but when I hear about how he's handled it all, it seems like such a simple thing that shouldn't even be wasting my time worrying about...
I'm so proud of him-I read your post to a good friend of mine from school who's here and has known Adam for a few years now, and me and her are crying...
Thanks for the lift. Sonja
by the way-I love how you can see the thread while you're posting now!
I'm so proud of him-I read your post to a good friend of mine from school who's here and has known Adam for a few years now, and me and her are crying...
Thanks for the lift. Sonja
by the way-I love how you can see the thread while you're posting now!
Fran
Former desparate mom
sonja, I know your difficult child and mine have many similarities.
Role playing is an important part of my difficult child having social success. Telling him the expectations of a certain event is the other way of helping him have success.
I told him having his parents fuss over him and take pictures was part of the ritual of proms and that he needed to let us fawn all over him and let his aunts kiss him and fawn all over him. Told him it was a milestone that all of participated in. Worked wonders at erasing his normal rant about dressing up and us fussing.
If he can play a role is class plays. If he loves characters in movies, then he can role play through social situations as if it were a movie role. I hope he makes the connection between the emotions that are usually elicited in social situations but for now,the success he feels at playing his role is a start.
I cue him in almost every situation that it is important for me that he act appropriate. Didn't work too well when he slept through his school interview. Maybe the pressure got to be too much and he shut down. Or the "windbag" went on too long. :laugh:
Eventually the behaviors should get "wired" into his system. I hope. Next year will be a true test of what he retains and makes his own.
Role playing is an important part of my difficult child having social success. Telling him the expectations of a certain event is the other way of helping him have success.
I told him having his parents fuss over him and take pictures was part of the ritual of proms and that he needed to let us fawn all over him and let his aunts kiss him and fawn all over him. Told him it was a milestone that all of participated in. Worked wonders at erasing his normal rant about dressing up and us fussing.
If he can play a role is class plays. If he loves characters in movies, then he can role play through social situations as if it were a movie role. I hope he makes the connection between the emotions that are usually elicited in social situations but for now,the success he feels at playing his role is a start.
I cue him in almost every situation that it is important for me that he act appropriate. Didn't work too well when he slept through his school interview.
Maybe the pressure got to be too much and he shut down. Or the "windbag" went on too long. :laugh: Eventually the behaviors should get "wired" into his system. I hope. Next year will be a true test of what he retains and makes his own.
Stella Johnson
Active Member
I am so proud of him! I can only imagine how you must have felt.
So glad he was able to keep it together during the party too.
I am beginning to think you like to make me cry. Every time I read one of your posts about your difficult child I get all teary.
-Steph
So glad he was able to keep it together during the party too.
I am beginning to think you like to make me cry. Every time I read one of your posts about your difficult child I get all teary.
-Steph
