Hi again, friend.
You know, at least your daughter can afford a pool. Kay can't afford a kiddie pool. So she is working. That always helps.
About oddness and secrets.
Your friends may have daughters that go everywhere with them and share i believe you. My friends and I have.kids that we have good relationships with but we don't hang out that way. I don't think most even great kids share all with parents or always hang with them. There is usually work and tjey have kids plus their own friends and us too. Some of their kids live far away too. We can not always be their first best friend as they get into their own family years. My dear siblings wonderful adult children all live far away from her in different places so seeing them once a year is a lot. They are married with jobs and kids too. They Zoom. In 2021 I think life is different than when we were young. Less family oriented for sure.
However either way OUR kids, who bring us here, are.noy typical adults and our relationships are what they are. Or in my case, not. Again, I can't express how much precious unhappiness you are wasting by angsting over her boyfriend. Pfffft. She.pickef him and they are together for a reason. But that's not our business. I am saf that her choices make you sad. For us we learned to detach from the choices of our grown kids. Why? Because there is not one thing we can do about their choices. All we can control is.our responses to them. We can choose to be happy. Or not.
I am no quick study.....and after I lost my dear son I was never happy. Ever. Then just when I was recovering a bit, Kay went off the rails and eventually left us. In some ways her horrible life was worse for me than Ethan's death. It was a rejection of all we had taught her and if us. Please cherish the times, few though they may be, that your daughter is loving to you. Please don't get angry or sad by her choices....those are not your choices to cry over. I have spent years,bon top of therapy and nar anon, on the art of being happy. There is a web of info on the topic. It worked!!!
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And, like you, my life was NOT a bowl of cherries! I really don't know anyone else who lost a beloved child nor on top of that had a daughter tell me I'm not her mother and take off, leaving her child behind. And Jaden will need assistance all his life, most likely. Hope I'm wrong.
I am not having a pity party here. I'm sure it sounds like it! Yet I am usually happy and strong. Oh, I have my days but that are the minority now.
Rejoice in your daughter's pool. That's a great think. Exercise is good. Rejoice that she has a job and home. And that she is paying for the home and hasn't trashed it,bas Kay did to everything we bought her. We also have her a job at our business but she threw serious fits there and eventually we had to let her go.
If you want, go into your search engine and look up how to be happy all the time or radical happiness.
Every single bit of wisdom says that I have to detach from the outcomes of everyone but my own self. Don't watch the news much (this is something I did that really helped since the news is beyond my control and always negative). I joined a prayer group, now that we can be together again if vaccinated. I have a beatitude journal which I learned to do at Nar Anon. I meditate each might.
You are not me. I tried to share ways how I learned not to obsess over my loved ones and the outcomes of their decisions. Loo, your daughter may our in a pool. If she doesn't maintain it, that's 1000 percent only her problem. It has nothing to do with you. Plus you are thinking of the future. I try soooo hard to stay in the now.
As they say in Nar Anon, take what you hear that you find helpful, from ANY post, and leave the rest. These kids are hard but there are actually very healthy and helpful ways to live a good life without thinking about them all the time. I feel much better now so, for good or not, thought I'd explain how I deal.
Hugs, love and prayers.
