The Call…..

ANewLife4Me

Let go and let God ❤️
Daughter has been in jail since November 2023, called us a few times last year, we declined each call. Well….out of the blue today…..collect call from ** county jail. You have no funds on the account…..*click* Did not accept the call.

WHY keep trying us, think we changed our minds? I am in a state of panic because am pretty sure what’s going to happen when she finally gets out. Straight to our door, I know it’s exactly what’s going to happen. I don’t want to deal with this at all! Just leave us alone, does she not get it?!?!
 

Fairy dust

Member
This is all so hard isn’t it? You do not deserve this and you were right not to take the call. She needs to understand that she has drawn the line in the sand by her behaviour, antics and total disrespect that she has continuously shown your family. Please stay strong. If she does come to the door do not let her in. Your HOUSE, your HEART-and your LIFE are no longer up for grabs. when she gets herself together which only she can do, you may consider some contact, on your terms, in the future. Hugs!
 

ANewLife4Me

Let go and let God ❤️
This is all so hard isn’t it? You do not deserve this and you were right not to take the call. She needs to understand that she has drawn the line in the sand by her behaviour, antics and total disrespect that she has continuously shown your family. Please stay strong. If she does come to the door do not let her in. Your HOUSE, your HEART-and your LIFE are no longer up for grabs. when she gets herself together which only she can do, you may consider some contact, on your terms, in the future. Hugs!
Thank you so much Fairy Dust, it’s so difficult but, am indeed staying strong as my husband and I truly want our life now. Thank you for your encouragement to keep doing so! Hugs! ❤️
 

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
Hi Newlife,
I have also refused phone contact with Tornado when in jail. It was hard, but it was the right decision for my own heath and welfare.
Your HOUSE, your HEART-and your LIFE are no longer up for grabs. when she gets herself together which only she can do, you may consider some contact, on your terms, in the future.
Absolutely correct. Are you on Vinelink? It’s a way to keep track of prisoners. I get notifications when Tornado is let out.
Stay strong Mama
(((Hugs)))
New Leaf
 

ANewLife4Me

Let go and let God ❤️
Hi Newlife,
I have also refused phone contact with Tornado when in jail. It was hard, but it was the right decision for my own heath and welfare.

Absolutely correct. Are you on Vinelink? It’s a way to keep track of prisoners. I get notifications when Tornado is let out.
Stay strong Mama
(((Hugs)))
New Leaf
Thank you New Leaf, I am on Vinelink and checked first thing after the call. Thank you for letting me know it actually works and tells you when they are released. I hope you are well and as always praying for our wayward children. Hugs! ❤️
 

ANewLife4Me

Let go and let God ❤️
As always, sitting and over-thinking on the whys that prompted her to call today? They say those with mental conditions such as hers, schizophrenia being number 1, they start to deteriorate while in jail. She is already having a mental competency evaluation coming up, the results of. What in the world is she doing? While we cannot help our children, all the choices are hers….it makes me fret that not answering this call might be the final straw. She might just give up and actually complete a suicide attempt.

While our decision is to remain strong, I absolutely know we did all that we could and have no regrets on that. Just our fragile hearts/minds come up with all sorts of horrible thoughts not knowing. God definitely has to take this one. 🙏
 

Fairy dust

Member
My son had several suicide attempts and for years I prepared myself for that being a possible outcome. However through a lot of therapy (trust me when I say a lot) I also recognized that these were forms of manipulation to get us to play his game. When he didn’t get what he wanted he would up the ante so to speak. I came to realize that I had no control over his actions, and as parents we had done everything under the sun that we possibly could to fix this. Sadly only the fix is in his control. It’s time to take our lives back and give God or the Universe the reins.
 

ANewLife4Me

Let go and let God ❤️
My son had several suicide attempts and for years I prepared myself for that being a possible outcome. However through a lot of therapy (trust me when I say a lot) I also recognized that these were forms of manipulation to get us to play his game. When he didn’t get what he wanted he would up the ante so to speak. I came to realize that I had no control over his actions, and as parents we had done everything under the sun that we possibly could to fix this. Sadly only the fix is in his control. It’s time to take our lives back and give God or the Universe the reins.
I definitely agree with you Fairy Dust, so very sorry that your son tried that tactic. My daughter started in her teens cutting herself, she hears voices. It’s a huge concern of mine at times like these. Had a huge cry on the phone with my son just now as husband is at work. His answer was that I need to stop thinking about her so much, if only. 😊 Certainly am a lot better now than when I first started. Always a work in progress. 😊
 

MommaTried24

New Member
Thank you New Leaf, I am on Vinelink and checked first thing after the call. Thank you for letting me know it actually works and tells you when they are released. I hope you are well and as always praying for our wayward children. Hugs! ❤️
I'm on Vinelink too with my son. It does work. They notified me last time he got out and they will again on the 23rd. I'm praying he doesn't show up or call me. I can't deal with it anymore either. I so feel your pain.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
all the choices are hers….it makes me fret that not answering this call might be the final straw. She might just give up and actually complete a suicide attempt.
It is just as likely that she may turn to somebody in jail, like a psychologist or psychiatrist, for support; she may accept medication or work with professionals to find a better medication. She might decide to do something for herself, like go to a 12-step group, if they're available. I worked in prison mental health for over 30 years. You'd be surprised how well some people do in a controlled environment.

She may have called to pressure you to put money on her books. And not because of any emotional need at all. Or maybe she is lucid and feeling better.

I think I hang onto pessimism because hope hurts too much. But it's not always the worst thing.
 

ANewLife4Me

Let go and let God ❤️
It is just as likely that she may turn to somebody in jail, like a psychologist or psychiatrist, for support; she may accept medication or work with professionals to find a better medication. She might decide to do something for herself, like go to a 12-step group, if they're available. I worked in prison mental health for over 30 years. You'd be surprised how well some people do in a controlled environment.

She may have called to pressure you to put money on her books. And not because of any emotional need at all. Or maybe she is lucid and feeling better.

I think I hang onto pessimism because hope hurts too much. But it's not always the worst thing.
I do hope with everything I have that she has accepted some form of help. About 2 weeks after she was in I spoke with a nami counselor pleading with them to help her. She said that my daughter had not filled out the paperwork to receive this help at that time, they could not make her do so.

Today is her mental competency evaluation court date, find out how they will proceed - trial or mental hospital? It’s the first time in all her jail stays that this has come up, her mental must be off the charts. She told me last time she was in jail all she did was scream, she could not take being in which at that time she accepted medication. She then said the medication made her have feelings she did not want to deal, she tried to kill herself by slashing her wrists. My husband and I found this out as on the day we had a planned visit, we were denied as she was in medical. We asked why and at first they would not tell us. When I persisted they finally did and I just broke down. The woman was so nice trying to console me…she’s alright, we are taking care of her, don’t worry. I sobbed like a baby. 😢

I don’t know the true reason for her calling but, thank you Copa for trying to give me better thoughts as to why she did. ❤️ It’s horrible for them without money on their books, they have access to nothing. But, as my husband and I keep telling ourselves over and over and over, this was her choice, she willing left our home after her Dad told her she did not have too. About a month later we did receive texts from her asking if we had turned her room into my husbands office? We said yes we did. She asked how did we like it? We said we loved it! Asked her how it was living out of her car and she said it was so hot, she was waiting on her check to drop so she could buy gas and turn on the ac. She said it was another one of her stupid decisions.

It’s been a little over a year being strong, so much wanting her to come back home and worrying about her. We know that when she left us she had 2 great jobs, Walmart and Hardee’s to which by the time of her incarceration her Facebook said she was an exotic dancer with a picture of her hold lots of dollar bills fanned out. 😔 Her TikTok shows her hanging out with strangers and partying. This is the type of life she wants, not the adult one that will keep her safe.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
It’s horrible for them without money on their books, they have access to nothing.
That's not so. They get toiletries, soap, toothpaste, shampoo, and the like. The other side of the coin is that money on the books can be a way that the more vulnerable are preyed upon.
hanging out with strangers and partying. This is the type of life she wants, not the adult one that will keep her safe.
This is where all of us are, who post. What we have to live with. Again the bottom line is this may be the purpose and meaning of our children's lives, to find the strength and the reason to learn to protect themselves by better choices. We can't do it for them. And maybe a purpose of our lives is to find the strength and the reason to let them do for themselves.
 

ANewLife4Me

Let go and let God ❤️
That's not so. They get toiletries, soap, toothpaste, shampoo, and the like. The other side of the coin is that money on the books can be a way that the more vulnerable are preyed upon.

This is where all of us are, who post. What we have to live with. Again the bottom line is this may be the purpose and meaning of our children's lives, to find the strength and the reason to learn to protect themselves by better choices. We can't do it for them. And maybe a purpose of our lives is to find the strength and the reason to let them do for themselves.
That is exactly where we are right now, finding the strength to let her do it by herself. Thank you Copa. ❤️
 
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