The hits just keep coming...
- Thread starter PatriotsGirl
- Start date
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
I really, really wish a big fat plane would drop on this man's head. Why does God take the good people and leave these awful ones behind??? I had a short text conversation with A hole Friday morning and from the gist I get from him, he wants the baby but not difficult child. I think he plans on using her body as a vessel, then taking the baby and tossing her like garbage. I HATE this man. I HATE him with every fiber of my being. And there is nothing I can do. difficult child has asked me to butt out and let her live her life and make her choices. 
I do think difficult child has changed a little bit since finding out the news...she seems a lot more mature, clear, etc. She seems like a person not on dope, for the first time in a VERY long time. She sent him a message about how she stays home all the time and is in bed every night while he is out doing whatever. She read off other things she had written to him and for the first time EVER, I felt some respect for my daughter as a woman. Not sure I believe she has not used at all, but if she has, I am fooled. I have been fooled before, but something she wrote me the other day makes me think she may not be - she wrote what if the child comes out with problems because of her? That she couldn't live with herself knowing she caused damage to the unborn.
I don't know. I am in such turmoil.
I do think difficult child has changed a little bit since finding out the news...she seems a lot more mature, clear, etc. She seems like a person not on dope, for the first time in a VERY long time. She sent him a message about how she stays home all the time and is in bed every night while he is out doing whatever. She read off other things she had written to him and for the first time EVER, I felt some respect for my daughter as a woman. Not sure I believe she has not used at all, but if she has, I am fooled. I have been fooled before, but something she wrote me the other day makes me think she may not be - she wrote what if the child comes out with problems because of her? That she couldn't live with herself knowing she caused damage to the unborn.
I don't know. I am in such turmoil.
S
Signorina
Guest
{{{{hugs}}}} I am so sorry.
FWIW-- if this Ahole is really someone you don;t want in the baby's life...I know a few people who were able to get the dad to give up parental rights at birth. (one was a friend of mine in college, the other was the daughter of a family friend, and one was the father of the baby) In all 3 cases, the baby's father was presented with the papers terminating his parental rights AND (ie "or") the papers acknowledging his fatherhood and setting up child support payments. The daddy got to choose which paper to sign. They all chose the parental rights termination. It might be something to think about. All 3 dads relinquished their parental rights...which freed the mom to live her life the way she chose and in 2 cases, the children were eventually adopted by the mom's second husbands (yes, 2 of the baby daddy's were actually estranged husbands) It also meant that the mother could choose to put the baby up for adoption without interference from the father. I think my college friend's parents hoped that she would give her baby up, but she did not. She told me that despite knowing that her ex boyfriend was a total jerk, and despite that he had dumped her when she got pregnant - seeing his signature on that page (and him never acknowledging his son) was one of the most painful experiences in her life. But she was grateful that her parents insisted because it gave her a lot of freedom to live her life and raise her son. Just something to keep in the back of your head in case it comes up.
I am glad your daughter is clean. I hope she remains clean. And I am not sure how far along she is - but I seem to remember that the baby is pretty much protected in those first few weeks before the placenta is formed. That it's just cells dividing and multiplying and until it attaches and starts receiving nourishment from the mom, it is protected from any vices that may have occurred before she knew she was pregnant. So that's a hope.
FWIW-- if this Ahole is really someone you don;t want in the baby's life...I know a few people who were able to get the dad to give up parental rights at birth. (one was a friend of mine in college, the other was the daughter of a family friend, and one was the father of the baby) In all 3 cases, the baby's father was presented with the papers terminating his parental rights AND (ie "or") the papers acknowledging his fatherhood and setting up child support payments. The daddy got to choose which paper to sign. They all chose the parental rights termination. It might be something to think about. All 3 dads relinquished their parental rights...which freed the mom to live her life the way she chose and in 2 cases, the children were eventually adopted by the mom's second husbands (yes, 2 of the baby daddy's were actually estranged husbands) It also meant that the mother could choose to put the baby up for adoption without interference from the father. I think my college friend's parents hoped that she would give her baby up, but she did not. She told me that despite knowing that her ex boyfriend was a total jerk, and despite that he had dumped her when she got pregnant - seeing his signature on that page (and him never acknowledging his son) was one of the most painful experiences in her life. But she was grateful that her parents insisted because it gave her a lot of freedom to live her life and raise her son. Just something to keep in the back of your head in case it comes up.
I am glad your daughter is clean. I hope she remains clean. And I am not sure how far along she is - but I seem to remember that the baby is pretty much protected in those first few weeks before the placenta is formed. That it's just cells dividing and multiplying and until it attaches and starts receiving nourishment from the mom, it is protected from any vices that may have occurred before she knew she was pregnant. So that's a hope.
I'm sorry PG. I don't know what it is with these loser guys who can't seem to practice birth control and then act like they are father-of-the-year. I don't know if this is a new fad with guys or what. Love to see in ten years how much they are involved in parenting or contributing to the child's support. When difficult child was pregnant the sperm donor was so happy and couldn't wait to have the baby. Even when they broke up and she told him she couldn't go through with it he tried to pressure her into letting him raise the baby. What a jerk, he was a heroin/crack addict who had no job and his father, uncle and sister were all in jail/prison. Between the four of them their arrest record was pages long. His mother was long gone and there was no support from any extended family. So what was he going to do with a baby? When she ended up terminating the pregnancy he was so angry he had people post awful things on her facebook. I still don't get why he wanted the baby even if she was no longer in his life.
I hope they both start thinking with their heads soon.
Nancy
I hope they both start thinking with their heads soon.
Nancy
Elsieshaye
Member
Sending you and your daughter all my best vibes, PG.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Let me ask you something just for thoughts. If your dtr does go through with this pregnancy and AHOLE starts pulling something at the end of the pregnancy and she has decided to see the light about him, she can always start dropping hints about how now that she is more clear headed, she cant remember how many men she was sleeping with around that time. Hopefully that will make Ahole run. CS is expensive.
L
Liahona
Guest
She could get something in the child support/visitation agreement about having him drug tested and not having any criminal acts (except for minor speeding or parking tickets) in front of the child as well as the child support. She would have to have a great lawyer to get this, but given his history its not an unreasonable request. She would also need to specify the lose of visitation and what would have to happen for visitation to resume as part of the court order. She would need help getting the lawyer. They are expensive.
If she is as strong as her mother and gets herself cleaned up for this baby he is going to have the fight of his life trying to get the baby away from her. And there is nothing like someone trying to take your child from you to open a women's eyes about his true nature.
If she is as strong as her mother and gets herself cleaned up for this baby he is going to have the fight of his life trying to get the baby away from her. And there is nothing like someone trying to take your child from you to open a women's eyes about his true nature.
