The school doesn't get it...

[carolanne]

It's exam week for gfgd school....haven't a clue if she is writing any/none of them and really don't care at this point...I've actually been able to go for a couple hours at a time now not wondering/thinking/worrying about her and what she is doing/getting into/etc...

Until the blasted phone rings...it's her business class teacher calling to let me know she has failed the exam with a 13% mark, not handed in any assignments/seatwork/etc and they want me to talk with her...

I told him "are you aware she no longer lives at home, hasn't since Sept and that I no longer am involved in her care/academic ability/etc?" to which he replied yes he knew but thought I could do something.

I said"what exactly is it you want me to do? Call the home so she can verbally abuse me, have her worker tell me I am an unwanted intrusion into her life and stress for a week now?"...he answered that I should, as a loving caring mother, want to help my daughter obtain her high school diploma...

I replied"I am a loving caring mother, who has bent over backwards.been shafted, told to f off, been screamed at and told to die. I have done all the fighting for her that I can possibly do. It is up to her to figure it out...not me."...he said he would pass on to the vp that I was refusing to help.

I hung up....I mean, what exactly am I supposed to do? She's made her bed now it's up to her to untangle the sheets and straighten things out, not me....

I did call the home however and leave a message with her primary care who really didn't seem all that surprised that she lost all her credits...and was very snotty about me calling....

Geez :hammer: I was in a good spot...now I'm stressed, my kids are fighting again and the baby is whiny...all because I'm stressed again and they pick up on that....

Carolanne

 

[hearthope]

No carolanne, sometimes the school doesn't get it. I have had the calls from school also, and before I found this site, I would beat myself up about not being able to "change" my difficult child.
I don't know exactly what they think and at this point could care less.

I remember one "parent" saw me at the office one day. Her comment to me was "Oh, glad to see your here, I didn't think you cared!"
I have no idea what incident she was referring to but I allowed it to crush me. I couldn't get it out of my head.

Now I know better and I have learned that these people that pass judgement on us because of the actions of our difficult children have no idea what we are faced with.

I look at that parent too, she has an over acheieving easy child. my easy child has shared many a story about her in the past. How she eats a potatoe chip and runs two miles from the guilt. How freaked out she is if everything about her is not "perfect", now she is set up for a rude awaking in the real world and her oh so caring mom hasn't got a clue.

Take what they say as a grain salt and toss it over your shoulder, You have others here that understand

 

[skeeter]

carolanne - if it was me, I'd take my name off of your daughter's school records as the "contact" and put her case worker, or someone at the home on there instead. I don't know if you can legally do that, but I would sure try and find out if you can.

Let them deal with it. Or your daughter. Both have decided you can't, so let them take the brunt of it.

Now, go relax and take care of yourself (and make sure you have that teacher's phone number on "ignore").

 

[KFld]

I hope you can get back into the non-stressed mode again quickly. I think you handled it well by letting them know what you think. Isn't it amazing that they actually thought all of a sudden you would be able to do something.

Take a deep breath. Do something good for yourself and forget about the phone call.

 

[SunnyFlorida]

What a great idea to take your name off the school records. difficult child is not living with you, the group home should be the one fielding these calls.

 

[Kathy813]

Just so you know, my school and many others has a policy that teachers must call the parents if the child is failing the class.

If your name is the contact name on record, the teacher probably had to call you so it would be a good idea for you to change the contact name and number given your current situation.

Worse, my school had a policy that if a senior is failing and in danger of not graduating, we have to call every two weeks with an update. . .

Having to call over and over again and say, "Hello, this is Ms. XXX again and your child is still failing" becomes very awkward for both the teacher and parent.

Then again, if a parent wasn't kept informed and their child did not graduate because they had failed a class, the parent would be screaming that the school had not told them their child was in danger of failing.

It's a catch 22.

I do think that the teacher crossed over the line though. Hus reply to you should have been, "Well, I just wanted to make sure you were aware of the situation. Thank you for your time."

~Kathy

 

[carolanne]

I asked months ago to be removed....the policy for the entire school board is to keep notifying parents until the kids either drop out or graduate...

I'm back to my spot after spending a few hours stressing....honestly there isn't anything I can do it there?

I have to live with my decisions so does gfgd...I love all my kids regardless but sometimes they learn the hard way...

Carolanne