BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Although this is from a site where parents have adult children in jail or prison, I think it is helpful for all of us. I know I've had to grieve twice...once for 36 and who he is and who I wanted him to be and one for Scott when he left our family. And you DO get to the end of the grieving process!! (eventually). I think this applies to the shock of anytime we find out our adult child is doing something we never expected or can't take in or fills us with fear and despair, not just landing in prison. Just change "imprisoned" to "taking hard drugs" or "is homeless" or "assaulted me" or whatever the problem is.
7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the imprisonment with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the imprisonment at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the imprisonment on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just let him out")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your child, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
7 Stages of Grief...
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life with your child in prison, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your child on a day to day basis. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life with him or her in prison.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this. But you will find a way forward.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your child/inmate without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living
7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the imprisonment with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the imprisonment at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the imprisonment on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just let him out")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your child, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
7 Stages of Grief...
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life with your child in prison, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your child on a day to day basis. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life with him or her in prison.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this. But you will find a way forward.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your child/inmate without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living