totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
OK, Due to my long winded and own thread jacking ability! I WILL try hard to not drag this on... which is already happening!
Of course we received the once a year snow here in Tucson!!! Who are these cruel Gods??? Actually it was beautiful.
So on to my Mania... what does one do when she is not sleeping and is somewhere SUNNY and had not seen the sun for months.:crazy1: is being told all of these outrages things by the psychiatrist we had hoped could help our daughter... add to that our well meaning In-Laws... show up Saturday.
It gets better, no real comment about K from mother in law... no real concept about any of this. Despite phone call after phone, "We want to help, we feel so helpless"etc...
Then the first night, she is telling me about her Sister, how she is having these horrible anxiety attacks, is on medications, getting worse, not sleeping, doctor telling sis, she may have Mental Illness, needs to seek out more intense help. Sister calls mother in law the next day, Very upset and crying, tells her it has all hit her, the weight of it. The words, "Mental Illness"... my mother in law, says, "Oh God we all are Mentally Ill, deal with it"
She says this to me... as I am sitting there, so Mentally Ill... and my K. I bit my tongue, and just sat there and smiled and thoughts raced through my mind... my family.
Then we had an Apt. to go to and they were watching the girls, not watching the girls. K was wandering around, I was shaking I was so nervous... K was holding a salt shaker and just shaking salt onto the floor and into her hand...
We are trying to leave and N disappears, I am looking for her, she is on the toilet, poop, trying to wipe herself... they have no clue.
husband is yelling at me to just lighten up, everyone can tell I am tense, everyone can tell I am on edge... why can't I just let these things go? Why do i have to harp on everything???
It has been a lot of little things as well... the we don't want you to do anything... yet who has made dinner every night? and they all have all have weird things, father in law, NO hot stuff, NO onions,garlic etc... Grandpa IL, Yes hot stuff, cater to his every whim, naps, drink at 5 sharp...
So I am doing all of this. Both of the men are half deaf...
The girls are on Sensory overload, does anyone care about that??? NO...
But if I say anything I am being, well me. K is Difficult Child'ing her last medication... also on top of every thing else, it was started prior to the trip...
and both of them keep getting into something in the yards... scratches all over, yet there they are climbing all over everything outside, yet if I say anything, well I am being manic and a B-i-tch...
So we leave the girls in this wonderful care... husband is yelling at me to lighten up and that I am manic and I put everyone on edge, all of this true.
But come on... I am trying so hard here and losing my mind. Oh and the guy in the other room sounds like a chain saw when he falls asleep!!! I get no peace...
So, husband and I are in the car... going to find a gift for the people watching our house...he keeps yelling at me, about admitting I am manic and that I am the problem.
I just start feeling this weight in my chest, it becomes so heavy, it is building into my ears. I can't breathe... it becomes so hard, I feel like I am slipping from reality... I start sobbing. I can't talk for the next 45 minutes, I just feel like I am not there... husband just keeps... on me won't leave me alone. we are sitting in a parking lot.
Finally I just say "I am sorry"
What else can I say? I am manic, most of this is my fault, I am trying so hard, I am trying to to help my family, but this woman is just, well so caustic... and even though she does love us, she is so the opposite of everything I believe I believe in... She says and does things that hurt me to the core... I try to explain what K is and she stops listening, I try to explain about my friend Weeping Willow and how sad it is making me, she interrupts and starts telling me a story that has nothing to do with any of it...
I should let it all go. But this is my child, the person who wants to help and spend time with my child. She will not even start to try.
I know let it go...
But I have no family and I am trying for my husband, he needs them to be a part of the girls life. How do I do that?
So then my husband and I sat and talked... took a long drive. We figured some stuff out and felt better.
So in between this husband has a "Sign" he has been feeling this School that he read about is meant to be... he has waited in a line to put on a wait list for this charter school her for 7 hours in the snow!!! My husband never gets excited like this about anything, we have heard from people that it is the best school school in the area, and get this. We just happened to be here the week they are taking Apps. for the wait list... and we happened to find it... it is a Montessori and the only School that K did well at was the Montessori in Indiana... and N is doing awesome now at hers... this one has been around for 24 years... it has a pool!!!!
Another thing, we think we found a new psychiatrist!!! #5!!! I went to my list serve that I am on!!! and told them the story!!! right away... I got a bunch of people telling me how mad they were, but I got one psychiatrist from JBRF and CABF here in town!!! and she said OF COURSE she BELIEVES in Early Onset Bi-Polar (EOBP)!!! we made and APT for April... so we have to come back... but oh well....
the other thing is, the other day I recommended a book, "Mommy, I'm still in here: Raising Children with Bi-Polar Disorder."
[ame="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1933016493/ref=s9_asin_image_1_subs_75_9_6?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1235WN4PDZ85K5JHQSJK&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=278240301&pf_rd_i=507846"]Amazon.com: Mommy, I'm Still in Here: Raising Children with Bi-polar Disorder: Books: Kate McClaughlin[/ame]
And on my same list serve, the Author came on and was talking about her book, and she gave her info... she lives here!!! So I e-mailed her and asked her what it was like living here with a child and what her ideas were and what we were doing etc... She is on tour in NYC... She wrote me back, very excited, and said she will write me when she gets done with her book tour but is super excited to talk!!!
We also found a an Education Consultant who may have a house to rent, and another person with a house to rent ...
SO all in all We may have found: A great School, good reviews for a psychiatrist, someone who knows about BiPolar (BP) in the area, education consultant, few leads on houses...
and a really good feel... and I walked 2 feet away from a bobcat tonight and he walked with us... husband pushed me out of the way. The bobcat walked across the street from us and just followed...
Our journey has been very strange... tiring. But I think good. I am recovering, and I think K is going to be OK...
I am sorry. this is long. We go home Saturday to start the next step... the inlaws... ?who knows
Of course we received the once a year snow here in Tucson!!! Who are these cruel Gods??? Actually it was beautiful.
So on to my Mania... what does one do when she is not sleeping and is somewhere SUNNY and had not seen the sun for months.:crazy1: is being told all of these outrages things by the psychiatrist we had hoped could help our daughter... add to that our well meaning In-Laws... show up Saturday.
It gets better, no real comment about K from mother in law... no real concept about any of this. Despite phone call after phone, "We want to help, we feel so helpless"etc...
Then the first night, she is telling me about her Sister, how she is having these horrible anxiety attacks, is on medications, getting worse, not sleeping, doctor telling sis, she may have Mental Illness, needs to seek out more intense help. Sister calls mother in law the next day, Very upset and crying, tells her it has all hit her, the weight of it. The words, "Mental Illness"... my mother in law, says, "Oh God we all are Mentally Ill, deal with it"
She says this to me... as I am sitting there, so Mentally Ill... and my K. I bit my tongue, and just sat there and smiled and thoughts raced through my mind... my family.
Then we had an Apt. to go to and they were watching the girls, not watching the girls. K was wandering around, I was shaking I was so nervous... K was holding a salt shaker and just shaking salt onto the floor and into her hand...
We are trying to leave and N disappears, I am looking for her, she is on the toilet, poop, trying to wipe herself... they have no clue.
husband is yelling at me to just lighten up, everyone can tell I am tense, everyone can tell I am on edge... why can't I just let these things go? Why do i have to harp on everything???
It has been a lot of little things as well... the we don't want you to do anything... yet who has made dinner every night? and they all have all have weird things, father in law, NO hot stuff, NO onions,garlic etc... Grandpa IL, Yes hot stuff, cater to his every whim, naps, drink at 5 sharp...
So I am doing all of this. Both of the men are half deaf...
The girls are on Sensory overload, does anyone care about that??? NO...
But if I say anything I am being, well me. K is Difficult Child'ing her last medication... also on top of every thing else, it was started prior to the trip...
and both of them keep getting into something in the yards... scratches all over, yet there they are climbing all over everything outside, yet if I say anything, well I am being manic and a B-i-tch...
So we leave the girls in this wonderful care... husband is yelling at me to lighten up and that I am manic and I put everyone on edge, all of this true.
But come on... I am trying so hard here and losing my mind. Oh and the guy in the other room sounds like a chain saw when he falls asleep!!! I get no peace...
So, husband and I are in the car... going to find a gift for the people watching our house...he keeps yelling at me, about admitting I am manic and that I am the problem.
I just start feeling this weight in my chest, it becomes so heavy, it is building into my ears. I can't breathe... it becomes so hard, I feel like I am slipping from reality... I start sobbing. I can't talk for the next 45 minutes, I just feel like I am not there... husband just keeps... on me won't leave me alone. we are sitting in a parking lot.
Finally I just say "I am sorry"
What else can I say? I am manic, most of this is my fault, I am trying so hard, I am trying to to help my family, but this woman is just, well so caustic... and even though she does love us, she is so the opposite of everything I believe I believe in... She says and does things that hurt me to the core... I try to explain what K is and she stops listening, I try to explain about my friend Weeping Willow and how sad it is making me, she interrupts and starts telling me a story that has nothing to do with any of it...
I should let it all go. But this is my child, the person who wants to help and spend time with my child. She will not even start to try.
I know let it go...
But I have no family and I am trying for my husband, he needs them to be a part of the girls life. How do I do that?
So then my husband and I sat and talked... took a long drive. We figured some stuff out and felt better.
So in between this husband has a "Sign" he has been feeling this School that he read about is meant to be... he has waited in a line to put on a wait list for this charter school her for 7 hours in the snow!!! My husband never gets excited like this about anything, we have heard from people that it is the best school school in the area, and get this. We just happened to be here the week they are taking Apps. for the wait list... and we happened to find it... it is a Montessori and the only School that K did well at was the Montessori in Indiana... and N is doing awesome now at hers... this one has been around for 24 years... it has a pool!!!!
Another thing, we think we found a new psychiatrist!!! #5!!! I went to my list serve that I am on!!! and told them the story!!! right away... I got a bunch of people telling me how mad they were, but I got one psychiatrist from JBRF and CABF here in town!!! and she said OF COURSE she BELIEVES in Early Onset Bi-Polar (EOBP)!!! we made and APT for April... so we have to come back... but oh well....
the other thing is, the other day I recommended a book, "Mommy, I'm still in here: Raising Children with Bi-Polar Disorder."
[ame="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1933016493/ref=s9_asin_image_1_subs_75_9_6?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1235WN4PDZ85K5JHQSJK&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=278240301&pf_rd_i=507846"]Amazon.com: Mommy, I'm Still in Here: Raising Children with Bi-polar Disorder: Books: Kate McClaughlin[/ame]
And on my same list serve, the Author came on and was talking about her book, and she gave her info... she lives here!!! So I e-mailed her and asked her what it was like living here with a child and what her ideas were and what we were doing etc... She is on tour in NYC... She wrote me back, very excited, and said she will write me when she gets done with her book tour but is super excited to talk!!!
We also found a an Education Consultant who may have a house to rent, and another person with a house to rent ...
SO all in all We may have found: A great School, good reviews for a psychiatrist, someone who knows about BiPolar (BP) in the area, education consultant, few leads on houses...
and a really good feel... and I walked 2 feet away from a bobcat tonight and he walked with us... husband pushed me out of the way. The bobcat walked across the street from us and just followed...
Our journey has been very strange... tiring. But I think good. I am recovering, and I think K is going to be OK...
I am sorry. this is long. We go home Saturday to start the next step... the inlaws... ?who knows