In planning the funeral, I learned a LOT about my inlaws. StepMIL paid for the funeral. father in law said that HE would, but the check only had her name on it. He made a big deal out of wanting to pay for everything. As usual, he was talking big when she was paying. He strongly disapproved of the boys reading to hubby until he was dead. father in law asked my mother to make them stop. He would not even stay in the room when they were reading, and he made several ugly comments about it as we were at the graveyard picking his burial plot. He was upset that the plot would have room for my ashes also. I didn't ask for that. We chose the smallest plot they had, and I think father in law wanted to let them sell half of that so that I couldn't be buried with him. He started to ask for that, and the lady at the cemetery would have none of it. I didn't bother to tell him that my parents would have paid for the plot if he didn't want to, or that they would buy the other half that he wanted to sell. The kids overheard some of his nonsense, and they don't have much desire to see Hubby's family again after that. Jess is sensitive to Hubby's parents maybe being afraid of losing their grandkids, at least StepMIL is afraid of that. But the rest of them? She is running out of patience with them.
StepMIL was wonderful, which I expected. She didn't understand the boys reading to Hubby, but she thought it was touching. She came to the planning meeting with some suggestions for songs and readings. I appreciated it because she picked them with Hubby in mind, NOT with father in law or anyone else in mind. From what I remember of the funeral, they were perfect for Hubby. A real respect for Hubby showed in all of them. I had one song that I wanted sung. We had it sung at our wedding and he always said that if he died first, he wanted that song. It was the only thing he would mention if I asked about his funeral. The song is Morning Has Broken and was made famous by Cat Stevens (
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0TInLOJuUM) but it was a Catholic hymn in all of our hymnals. He loved that song. We actually both chose it separately for our wedding, and laughed when we compared notes and saw we each chose it.
We did request people wear bright colors, or if they had to wear black, to please add some orange. The local university here that Hubby absolutely loved has the colors orange and black. A true bright orange, NOT the burnt orange of UTAustin. His sister brought a few sheets of stickers of the university logo so that if anyone showed up without bright colors or orange, she could "decorate" them in a style hubby would approve of. I wore a tie-dye dress with a shirt from a local but famous bar that hubby loved over it. Hubby's mother actually respected this request, which shocked me. And Hubby's sister did make a few people put on stickers. Her own husband wore a Hawaiian floweredy shirt (what Hubby called them).
Since the funeral, we have heard NOTHING from father in law, StepMIL, or anyone else on his side of the family. NOTHING. They told me to call them and they would pay for movers for us. Well, I called. Heard NOTHING back. I am betting father in law deleted the message before StepMIL heard it. He has done this many times in the past - even times Hubby just called to chat. It really makes StepMIL irate when he does this. How can father in law expect Hubby to call, or us to call, if he erases messages with-o returning them? We went through this issue many times in the past. It is annoying, but expected. The kids were really angry about it though. He made the offer in front of them several times. It wasn't something we asked for, but something he offered. If he didn't want to do it, why offer? That man never makes sense to me. Never.
After the funeral, a group of ladies at the church provided a luncheon, free of charge. It was lovely and the food was great. They boxed up all the leftovers for us to take home. It was SO MUCH FOOD! We asked them to take it to the local homeless shelter instead. We had a couple of big flower arrangements that we had sent to a nursing home. We were moving in a couple of days and we just didn't have a place for the flowers, or the food. I heard a few days later that the homeless shelter was THRILLED with the food - the variety and the quality. It provided at least 2 meals for everyone staying there, which I find to be awesome!
The kids are being amazing. We finally got into the new apartment. It is big, well maintained, and has a great and friendly manager. So much could be worse. It is HUD housing and super cheap, esp until I can get a job or disability. I don't know what our income will be until I can get someone at the university's benefits office to talk to me. They are being hard to get a return call from. At least this semester of thank you's college is funded. Not sure what happens next semester. But I will find out. If nothing else, he will be able to get a full academic scholarship for his high school grades. And his straight A's in college.
I keep breaking into tears when someone asks about Hubby. Jess and I ran into an old friend at the grocery about a week ago. She asked when we were having a memorial. I had to tell her we had a Funeral Mass already. She was sorry she wasn't there, but she was out of town at her adult kids/grandkids. I completely understand. She has a book for me to read. It has helped her with the loss of her husband. She always has great book suggestions for whatever life throws at me. I am not sure I am ready for this one.
Heck, even our cat is grieving. He keeps looking for Hubby. Then he comes and stays right by me. He is sleeping with me now. He was 100% my husband's cat from day 1 with us. He had NO use for me unless he needed food. I was the chief cat pill pusher. Meaning that if the cat needed to take pills, I was the one to shove them down his throat. He finally quit biting when I used pliers to hold the pill and he bit the pliers. He didn't like that, so he quit trying to bite when I pilled him. He would let me shoot him without a fuss. He is diabetic and has to have shots after he eats. We call it "shooting the cat" which sounds odd, but it is what it is. If he isn't near me, all I have to do is shake the magic wand - aka his brush - and he comes running. He is still goofy as heck, but now he is MY goofy cat. I totally did not expect that. I thought he would cling to Jess, but no. I am now his human, I guess. He is also purring for me. He NEVER purred for my husband, not even when hubby was the ONLY person he wanted. It is a strange behavior change, but I guess he is hoping if he shows that affection, then we won't leave him or send him back to the shelter. We got him from Animal Control after his owner died and none of her family would take him. Anyway, he has become quite lovely around me.
