buddy
New Member
I wrote this at the end of a post on another thread but decided it was enough of a different topic to ask for your thoughts here.
Background: two days ago I let Q start going outside again. It has been a long time because of the trauma and issues from way back when he had the medication. reaction and a few incidents when coming home with his Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers. (running off to see kids down the sidewalk and refusing to come in for a while). The only reason I would have liked a cold long winter was to avoid this issue for a longer time. But it as inevitable.
The first day he did amazing. So, the next day he was allowed out and he had an issue with rock throwing at girls and I got a call and had to struggle to forcibly get him into the house. So, the next day he really had to prove himself and at about 1 in the afternoon I finally let him try. He did great. We went to horseback riding and came home and I let him have more time but we agreed to a time to come in (considering medications and not wanting to risk ruining what was a good day outside).................
Here is what I wrote:
I can talk to our home psychologist about this, have used up much of our time with him on the stupid school stuff. I know a huge reason that this is worse is my state emotionally starting yesterday and probably this week....and of course the other huge issues that are going on. I imagine that (from experience) when that settles down we both will be in a better place to work on things again.
I have to say, he tried really negotiating all of this with me this morning and I refused. he has not said much but is asking kindly for things and accepting the reality of no outside today (stinks for us because it is sunny and in the sixties again).... I think we will pack the dog up and go to a park.
Background: two days ago I let Q start going outside again. It has been a long time because of the trauma and issues from way back when he had the medication. reaction and a few incidents when coming home with his Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers. (running off to see kids down the sidewalk and refusing to come in for a while). The only reason I would have liked a cold long winter was to avoid this issue for a longer time. But it as inevitable.
The first day he did amazing. So, the next day he was allowed out and he had an issue with rock throwing at girls and I got a call and had to struggle to forcibly get him into the house. So, the next day he really had to prove himself and at about 1 in the afternoon I finally let him try. He did great. We went to horseback riding and came home and I let him have more time but we agreed to a time to come in (considering medications and not wanting to risk ruining what was a good day outside).................
Here is what I wrote:
Quin went outside to play yesterday, I stayed out to make sure things went ok, and they actually went pretty well but at the end of the evening he refused to come in. NEVER got rude with words or aggressive, so there is where I am torn--trying to sort my baskets so to speak.
He wouldn't come in but he was controlling his behavior. He just so badly wanted to be with the others who were out enjoying this beautiful 60 degree MARCH day.
But I am hormonal and had given him a much longer time than I had originally planned with the agreement being that if he did not follow the plan, then no more going out this week. So, when he made that choice.... I stayed totally cool and he even came and took his medications at the right time--just not in the house. But when he asked I said, it is fine that you are having a good time, but you made your choice. We are sticking to our agreement. He came in at about 9:30 and by then I had all of the tv stations re-locked. I had been crying on and off for hours. I know it is hormonal because I woke with two pimples and I never get them unless it is that time, I'm also crying at every commercial on tv and sweet things like cute pictures on FB. I am definately going to the doctor to see if I can get some relief for this because I am feeling so torn and strongly over something that is a much lower stress situaiton than the thousands that I typically handle with him, to the point where I wanted to get a suitcase and fake him out that he needs to live in a residential placement. Obviously it is my mind set that is not right here since I can typically handle dozens of issues which are way more intense.
Partly it is facing the reality that there is no way I could change his mind any longer (I used to be able to) without force. And so I have to either do what I did and wait him out, which now that he knows the consequences of that choice, wont make it BETTER next time, it will cause him more anxiety and attempts to get out of it--thru intimidation or whatever--when he gets stuck. I am trying to avoid that by focusing on his skill building.... he has even on h is own said, but I know I didn't follow your directions, did I do better with my words though? I said YES absolutely and for that you WILL get to earn watching your NASCAR race just as we planned. He asked about two other shows and I said for sure those were on the table because he made great choices about taking his medications and not being aggressive with words or actions. I want to focus on that not what he has lost. My other choice is to never allow any socializing again....which is not a realistic choice.
I have had to have Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers meet us at a parking lot to drop him with them and get him when they are done so he does not run away when he is supposed to come into the house. (we go into the underground parking garage and he has not pushed that limit of running away from there and not coming up the back stairs. I imagine it is a matter of time so it is better to deal with the problem)
I feel like our summer this year will look very different. Last year we were with the neighborhood, enjoying everything. This year I fear we will be hermits. so scary. I am not doing that in his best interest maybe...maybe out of my being too stressed to risk him offending people any more. I am hoping I can get a hold of my hormones and settle this school thing, and then I will have the energy and drive to work on the summer social piece again.
Would you guys do a do-over or would you stick to your guns???
I can talk to our home psychologist about this, have used up much of our time with him on the stupid school stuff. I know a huge reason that this is worse is my state emotionally starting yesterday and probably this week....and of course the other huge issues that are going on. I imagine that (from experience) when that settles down we both will be in a better place to work on things again.
I have to say, he tried really negotiating all of this with me this morning and I refused. he has not said much but is asking kindly for things and accepting the reality of no outside today (stinks for us because it is sunny and in the sixties again).... I think we will pack the dog up and go to a park.