Tired of it all

[in a daze]

Just need to vent. It’s been a long journey with our son. Maybe some of you remember me, and I’m sure a lot of you don’t. We went over to son’s apartment fo well being check. Said he was coming over for pizza. 2 hours later no response. We show up. He’s pissed. He and dad have words. Dad is type A personality. He and son like oil and water. Now son is devastated that we showed up. Place was cluttered but didn’t see any liquor around.

Son has among his many diagnoses avoidant personality disorder and falls apart without structure. Has held a job as a paraprofessional in a school for handicapped children for a year. Working remotely is hard on the children, the parents, my son, and us. This vaccine cannot come fast enough for me and my family. Thank God for the scientists, and to the executives and logistics people
who are getting the distribution together. But I digress.

I am so sad that we all have to go through this stuff. I mean all of you on CD, me, and my husband. I have to say he’s better than years before...but the basic neurological and psychiatric problems remain, and medication, therapy, and setting boundaries have only done so much.

If it were not for the pandemic and the school shutdown, he would be over here for dinner during the week. Less worry.

We were thinking of moving to Florida part time, but unsure if he could survive without us


you can read my signature for the background.

Thanks for listening.

 

[BusynMember1]

I hear you. It's hard.

Prayers to your family and hugs for your hurting heart.

 

[Nandina]

Many of us can relate to having to make life changes or not, based on the effect it will have on our kids. It is a strain that a lot of parents with “typical” kids don’t have to face.

Thinking of you as you make those hard decisions.

 

[Copabanana]

I go back and forth about whether having me as a backup helps my son or hurts him. When he by necessity must depend upon his own efforts and good decisions, he does well. When I am there as a last resort, it's never good. Short-run, it may be easier on him, but it's always complicated in the long run, and never works. These guys want to be completely independent, and call the shots, and be dependent too. It puts us, parents, in a tough, tough spot. I am not telling you what you don't know.

 

[RN0441]

So sorry to hear this.

I am speaking for my own former difficult child here, he is doing well and in college (online at home due to Covid). He works and is responsible. I wish he worked more hours because it seems he still has too much time on his hands.

He does not have any mental illness except anxiety which I am not sure I'd classify as a mental illness as I think more of us than not have anxiety in some form.

We want our son out and on his own so he can mature and grow into the man that God intended him to be. I think when our adult children live with us it stunts their emotional growth and maturity. I think when we let them lean on us too much (what is too much?) that it is bad for them.

My son has no friends other than a few people at work but he never socializes outside of our home. He is always with us which is a bit much for us. When I think of him in his own home, alone I worry that he'll be lonely. But on the flipside I realize that then he'll step out of his comfort zone and find a girl or friends or something to fill his time and start HIS life.

There is only so much we can and should do as parents I think. I am hoping your son will get back to a good place so that you don't have to worry so much.