Today is the day...
- Thread starter PatriotsGirl
- Start date
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
You all brought tears to my eyes with your responses! You were all the first ones I wanted to tell!!
I am really, really blessed to have these people. Man alive, I tell you. How fortunate that she got arrested in this county. Between all of this and the baby, I am telling, God has a plan...
They told me that she now looks pregnant and can feel the baby move around. I immediately bawled like a baby. I told them about my recent conversations with her and the changes that I have heard. They said she is sober. But that she still has that stinkin thinkin going on and that is the challenge.
She told me that there was not much more they can do on a misdemeaner, BUT that they were waiting for tests to come back and depending on the levels, they may be able to charge her with a felony. I was floored. She said if difficult child completes the treatment program, they will drop it. I started feeling guilty. She told me that SHE is the bad guy here. That I can feel free to tell difficult child that I got on my knees begging her not to charge her but that there is nothing I can do. They are determined to protect that baby no matter what. She said that difficult child's privilege of having "options" ended when she tested dirty. They tested her because she was acting "off". So, really, NOTHING I did affected anything.
They did remind me to take care of me and asked if I was familiar with the term "co-dependant". Ha - I told them I am a poster child!! She told me that everyone has their sheep that they need to herd. She said this situation and difficult child's choices were not my sheep. This situation was their sheep to herd. She did ask us to go visit difficult child as a family to remind her she is loved and so we will on Tuesday. She asked me to see where difficult child's head was at and email her. She will then send the head of Treatment Court to see her again, whom difficult child really bonded with previously, to talk to her. If difficult child was still flat out refusing, she would proceed with the felony charge.
I sent the letter today Express mail so difficult child will receive it tomorrow. That guarantees she will read it before we get there on Tuesday. But I told husband, I will do this and then will go enjoy my vacation - we leave next Saturday for Hilton Head. The ball will be in difficult child's court and her consequences are hers.
So, I was floored by what they told me. Couldn't believe how many people were there to meet about her. They were all coming out of the room as they ushered me in. I trust these women. I felt the love and care from these women. The head Solicitor looked up her baby daddy and saw that he has open cases with their court - theft cases!! So, they are going to have him drug tested, too. She said maybe that will show difficult child that he is still in that life. I DO believe he is using and I really hope he gets caught and goes back behind bars. I made the mistake of updating him on what they said today and he was FURIOUS. We have cut off contact. I want nothing to do with him and we are all praying like crazy that he turns out NOT to be the father. My husband has already said it will get VERY ugly if he is at the hospital when difficult child gives birth. He warned me that he will most likely end up in jail.
I am really, really kicking myself in the butt for telling him anything. He very well could end up talking to her before she gets that letter and telling her what is going on. Please, God, I hope he did not put money on his phone account. Though I am sure after hearing this, he will. He has reported back to her everything I tell him. WHY did I say anything to him?? DUMB!!!! I tried to respect him as the father but BAD idea. BAD.
I am really, really blessed to have these people. Man alive, I tell you. How fortunate that she got arrested in this county. Between all of this and the baby, I am telling, God has a plan...
They told me that she now looks pregnant and can feel the baby move around. I immediately bawled like a baby. I told them about my recent conversations with her and the changes that I have heard. They said she is sober. But that she still has that stinkin thinkin going on and that is the challenge.
She told me that there was not much more they can do on a misdemeaner, BUT that they were waiting for tests to come back and depending on the levels, they may be able to charge her with a felony. I was floored. She said if difficult child completes the treatment program, they will drop it. I started feeling guilty. She told me that SHE is the bad guy here. That I can feel free to tell difficult child that I got on my knees begging her not to charge her but that there is nothing I can do. They are determined to protect that baby no matter what. She said that difficult child's privilege of having "options" ended when she tested dirty. They tested her because she was acting "off". So, really, NOTHING I did affected anything.
They did remind me to take care of me and asked if I was familiar with the term "co-dependant". Ha - I told them I am a poster child!! She told me that everyone has their sheep that they need to herd. She said this situation and difficult child's choices were not my sheep. This situation was their sheep to herd. She did ask us to go visit difficult child as a family to remind her she is loved and so we will on Tuesday. She asked me to see where difficult child's head was at and email her. She will then send the head of Treatment Court to see her again, whom difficult child really bonded with previously, to talk to her. If difficult child was still flat out refusing, she would proceed with the felony charge.
I sent the letter today Express mail so difficult child will receive it tomorrow. That guarantees she will read it before we get there on Tuesday. But I told husband, I will do this and then will go enjoy my vacation - we leave next Saturday for Hilton Head. The ball will be in difficult child's court and her consequences are hers.
So, I was floored by what they told me. Couldn't believe how many people were there to meet about her. They were all coming out of the room as they ushered me in. I trust these women. I felt the love and care from these women. The head Solicitor looked up her baby daddy and saw that he has open cases with their court - theft cases!! So, they are going to have him drug tested, too. She said maybe that will show difficult child that he is still in that life. I DO believe he is using and I really hope he gets caught and goes back behind bars. I made the mistake of updating him on what they said today and he was FURIOUS. We have cut off contact. I want nothing to do with him and we are all praying like crazy that he turns out NOT to be the father. My husband has already said it will get VERY ugly if he is at the hospital when difficult child gives birth. He warned me that he will most likely end up in jail.
I am really, really kicking myself in the butt for telling him anything. He very well could end up talking to her before she gets that letter and telling her what is going on. Please, God, I hope he did not put money on his phone account. Though I am sure after hearing this, he will. He has reported back to her everything I tell him. WHY did I say anything to him?? DUMB!!!! I tried to respect him as the father but BAD idea. BAD.
That is a beautifully written letter. And I agree with what the others have said. Maybe it's a good thing they court did not ask for your thoughts. This way she can not come back to you and say that you are conspiring with the court and the prosecutor to take her baby away if she doesn't do what everyone wans her to do, which is go to treatment.
I can only hope and pray that she makes the right choice for both herself, and for Connor.
You've been a strong mother throughout everything you have been through with your daughter. My thoughts are with you all right now.
I can only hope and pray that she makes the right choice for both herself, and for Connor.
You've been a strong mother throughout everything you have been through with your daughter. My thoughts are with you all right now.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Actually? REALLY good. I truly DO know that it is out of my hands. I will do as they asked and go see her on Tuesday. If she lashes out or mistreats any of us during that visit, we will get up and leave. husband and I know for a fact that she is going to be spitting nails when she gets that letter. I am not taking any calls from her until Monday. I know she will just call to yell or cuss me out. That will give her time to stew on it. It will be really sad if she makes the wrong choice but I can't make the choice for her. They will be her consequences to bear because she made the choice. We all know which one I would choose if it was!
I WILL enjoy my vacation. We deserve it.
lovemysons
Well-Known Member
PG,
What a beautiful and heartfelt plea.
I hope she "hears it".
with love, care and prayers,
LMS
What a beautiful and heartfelt plea.
I hope she "hears it".
with love, care and prayers,
LMS
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I hope she makes the right choice..
we have a housing complex here which is pretty much run like that rehab you are talking about but it is for the women who have graduated from intensive rehab. It is just for women who have come out of rehabs and who have children and there are four house parents living in apartments on site to keep things going well. They have buses that take them to places they need to go like meetings, the stores, etc. They women either work or are at first on welfare or going to school. It seems to work well.
we have a housing complex here which is pretty much run like that rehab you are talking about but it is for the women who have graduated from intensive rehab. It is just for women who have come out of rehabs and who have children and there are four house parents living in apartments on site to keep things going well. They have buses that take them to places they need to go like meetings, the stores, etc. They women either work or are at first on welfare or going to school. It seems to work well.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
That is exactly the type of program they are pursuing for her...I pray she makes the right choice, too. I said I was detached, but gosh her choice does affect me, too...
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
No, not yet....she hasn't even attempted caking, which is unusual. But, last I talked to her, I told her the phone account was low on funds and I wouldn't be adding anything more for a little while. (I may just not, be used to her actually listening). I figured if she did talk to her baby daddy, he would tell her what is going on and she would call yelling and cussing.
I really am hoping to hear from her tomorrow. If she is angry and abusive, I went bother making the trip. I already told husband that if she starts abusing any of us tomorrow, we will get up and walk out.
I am also thinking if she makes the wrong choice, it may be time to truly walk away....as there will officially be nothing else we can do.
I will be beyond heartbroken if I end up having to decide between my husband and my grandson. :-(
I really am hoping to hear from her tomorrow. If she is angry and abusive, I went bother making the trip. I already told husband that if she starts abusing any of us tomorrow, we will get up and walk out.
I am also thinking if she makes the wrong choice, it may be time to truly walk away....as there will officially be nothing else we can do.
I will be beyond heartbroken if I end up having to decide between my husband and my grandson. :-(
Mrs.McNear51
Member
Keeping positive thoughts for you PG. It will be my prayer tonite, that she will concede that treatment is the best way to go. I just know she has it in her, to make a good choice for her and Conner. Please let us know how it goes.
Many blessings,
Julie
Many blessings,
Julie
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
My nerves are shot. I have been in a bad mood all weekend and my husband knows it is my nerves. He knows me better than anyone, I swear. He keeps telling me it is her choice not make, not ours and reminding me that we have no control over her choice. But, her choice AFFECTS me. THAT is why my nerves are shot.
And she has not even tried to call still.
We will go see her later today. If she doesn't mention the letter (if she has not received it), I told husband and easy child we will not mention it, either. We will have a nice visit and go on our way. If she is abusive, yells, anything like that - we get up and leave. What I am really hoping for is to go there and she says she is going. Even if she isn't happy about it. She can say all she wants that it won't work, she will rebel, blah blah blah. We will take what we can get at this point and my nerves can calm down.
To be honest, I don't know how I will handle it if she doesn't make the right choice. Detachment seems REALLY far away right now.
And she has not even tried to call still.
We will go see her later today. If she doesn't mention the letter (if she has not received it), I told husband and easy child we will not mention it, either. We will have a nice visit and go on our way. If she is abusive, yells, anything like that - we get up and leave. What I am really hoping for is to go there and she says she is going. Even if she isn't happy about it. She can say all she wants that it won't work, she will rebel, blah blah blah. We will take what we can get at this point and my nerves can calm down.
To be honest, I don't know how I will handle it if she doesn't make the right choice. Detachment seems REALLY far away right now.
AmericanGirl
Member
PG,
sending you peace today. Praying she cooperates. Thankful you know what to expect in some ways.
know many people care for all of you. You've done so well at handling this so far. You will handle whatever comes your way today.
sending you peace today. Praying she cooperates. Thankful you know what to expect in some ways.
know many people care for all of you. You've done so well at handling this so far. You will handle whatever comes your way today.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
At first I said I wanted nothing to do with raising another child, but as he has gotten real (may sound weird I know), my heart is changing. I am beginning to think about life and what kind of legacy are we leaving behind. Our jobs? Ha - our jobs are nothing that will leave behind any worth. In the end, at least in our case, family is all we got. And Connor is MY blood.
But I don't think my husband is changing his mind. He still doesn't want to raise a baby. Yet he will have no issues if she turns out to be a single mom and relying on us. He is actually praying that M is NOT the father. He has already warned me that if we are all at the hospital together, husband may very well go to jail for beating the **** out of M. He hates this man with a passion and has never even laid eyes on him.
It will KILL me if I have to choose between my husband and my grandson. This is REALLY bothering me lately and while husband thinks my mood has just been because of my nerves, it is very much to do with this. I am afraid if I have to choose between them, I will end up resenting my husband. I am already resenting him for the possibility of my having to be in the position to choose. It is not fair and I am very aware of that. But they are my feelings.
This is why her decision very much affects me and my life...
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
PG, from all I know about your husband, from here and facebook... You won't have to choose.
Yeah... It is a possibility... But not a probability. Unless he tells you that you will have to choose - please don't worry about it any more. You have more than enough on your plate!
Yeah... It is a possibility... But not a probability. Unless he tells you that you will have to choose - please don't worry about it any more. You have more than enough on your plate!
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
PG, from all I know about your husband, from here and facebook... You won't have to choose.
Yeah... It is a possibility... But not a probability. Unless he tells you that you will have to choose - please don't worry about it any more. You have more than enough on your plate!
Thanks - I needed that. I really do think husband will fall in love when he sees his grandson. He smiles whenever we talk about the future with him. He jokes, but I think deep down he is excited but he would never admit it...lol. Hopefully now I won't have to worry about that at all. I know difficult child loves her son - more so now that she is sober. I am really praying that God has graced us with a very bright future as a family...
Dixies_fire
Member
I had missed over half the thread in the last few days. It's amazing that they are doing this for her and I hope she makes the right decision as far as keeping the baby and not wanting a felony, since she will be locked down and away from drugs either choice she makes then it seems like a no brainer to me, but you know difficult child's. would love to know what she is thinking right now too. She has a real chance at having a real life.
My thoughts are with you today that you had a good visit and that things are turning in your favor.
My thoughts are with you today that you had a good visit and that things are turning in your favor.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
She said yes!! I am one happy momma this evening....
I am one happy momma this evening....
