Today's the day...transfer to faith based program...

[pasajes4]

Mine refusedTeen/Adult Challange. I found a program in OK. that would address his many needs. The problem would be that he could leave when he wanted to. they would put him on a bus back here. He also would bomb out of the 2 week adjustment period. I will not waste one more dime on him. It is a tough no nonsense program that has garnered great results for those who truly are ready to turn their lives around.

 

[Littleboylost]

I have difficulty here getting Son into a faith based program, or Any long term program. If they show any hesitation they won't take them. We have very few long term rehab programs and the application process is prohibitive. What young trouble Teen wouldn't be hesitant? It is frustrating.
Mine is having a period of calm after acting out on the weekend. I'll take the calm when I can get it.

It is a good long term program with excellent results. If they embrace your son and he stays I am sure he has an excellent opportunity. It is a struggle of love and determination for all of you. Positive prayers and intentions for all of you.

 

[ColleenB]

I'm so glad son seems willing to stay.

I am hopeful for him... it sounds like he knows he has to stay. That is huge.

Take care
Xoxo

 

[RN0441]

So....

Husband had a horrible time with him yesterday. He took him to Costco to get a jacket, pants and some things on the list to take. Son said he was not going so husband said then get out of the car....this was in Costco parking lot. Son got out, crying. Got back in car.

In the meantime son is texting and calling me. I'm ignoring most. Ugh I have a good job and I'm at work. Thankfully boss out yesterday.

The original intake guy I talked to on the phone wasn't going to be there so another guy was going to intake them. Ugh a bit worried. Husband said they got there and they had to wait 1/2 hour while they were in meetings. The whole time a church thing was on TV with music. Son pacing. Anxious. Kept going outside. Said ten more minutes and he's leaving. My husband said he was praying that our son would stay and it would work out.

Finally intake guy took them in. Went over a bunch of paperwork. Husband said the guy could not have been nicer. Said he was leaving for Aruba today on a mission to set up Teen Challenge there. Wow. After some time intake guy said that if son decided not to stay we'd get our $750 back. WHHHHAAAT. Son got up and ran out with his backpack. Husband told guy he's leaving and will he please go talk to son.

Husband went to the parking lot on the other end of where son was and left in the car. He said son stood there looking at him like a puppy. He drove away and called me and said it didn't go well. We know in our hearts and souls he needs this. He said he felt bad but we know he needs to change.

I was upset. Not sure what to do. Self calm. Twenty minutes later the guy called and said son had settled down and was staying. Son said he was afraid and worried.

Today I feel relieved.

 

[RN0441]

SWOT and others, yes I agree about the place being too nice. We didn't know this going in on the last one but I do think it was a deterrent in many ways. We're still learning. I think it being so nice eased our guilt. Why do we have guilt. That's another story as we all know.

Now he is stripped of everything; he just has the essentials. We bought him all of it anyway.

We have high hopes. Husband feels if he is sober for one year by being in this program that he will be okay after that.

He can leave any time too. But it's in a bad neighborhood and he has nothing. He is 8 hours from home. Obviously the intake person could see son did not WANT to stay but the other guy had said they never do initially. I'm sure being afraid of the unknown is a big part of that - at least for our son. Change is so very hard.

No distractions.

 

[Kalahou]

Dear RN,
I’ve been following along. You have done what you can ~ you have done well.
Rest. Breathe. Affirm ~ “There is nothing I need to do. All is well.”
A new day ~ It will be what it will be. You are going to be alright. ~ Kalahou

 

[Littleboylost]

Why do we have guilt. That's another story as we all know.

We do what is right, we do what is impossibly hard and exhaust ourselves emotionally and mentally; and yet we still have guilt and self doubt.

You have traveled a road with your son most would have done alone, or never at all.

The rest is truly up to him and regardless of all the cliches and affirmations; It is stressful, worrisome and painful.

You have accomplished what most can not and have given your son opportunity. Pause, be hopeful and optimistic. You deserve it!

You inspire me every day.

 

[Kathy813]

Hi RN. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I can't say that I am surprised. It is exactly what my daughter would have done. Your son thought he was winning the battle to get out of Florida but I don't think that he thought you would really make him go to the new place. He tried his very best to manipulate you and get you to let him go home. My daughter would make all sorts of crazy promises to get what she wanted but never really meant them.

I am so glad that you and your husband stayed strong. I know how hard that was for both of you. Now your son knows that he really has no other choice than to stick with this program. He realizes that you are getting stronger and can hold firm boundaries. It truly is all up to him now to use this opportunity to get sober.

My daughter went to rehabs from a low rent community based center to a fancy rehab on the beach. She went to one that cost $35,000 a month and was located in a run down neighborhood. It was an excellent program. So was the community based rehab that cost $750 a month. It isn't about the location or how much the place costs. You said that the one your son is in now has a high success rate. I would go by that rather than the location or how nice the building is.

He will probably keep trying to make you feel bad and let him leave. Do they have a policy that limits contact at the beginning? It might be best to only have supervised family calls at the beginning.

{{{hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[susiestar]

I hope and pray that this works for your son. Your husband did exactly right in driving away. I know that was gut-wrenching for him. Sadly, it was really all that he could do. Make sure the facility knows that if the money is refunded for some reason, it is to be sent to you, and not to leave with him.

I still remember when my brother went to rehab, he had nowhere to go if he left. He would be taken to jail if he walked out of rehab. My parents would lose a ton of money. His rehab was nice, but my brother would have done wonderfully in the Depression. He lives much like he is still in it. The thought of my folks losing that bail money would have given him a heart attack, possibly quite literally.

I have often been glad that he was that tight with a dollar because it kept him in that rehab.

 

[Southern51]

RN, our sons are the same age, only mine's drug of choice is heroin. I really wish this program would work out and that your son will be able to stay there and finally make the changes he needs to make in his life. I would give absolutely anything for my son to be willing to go into a program like Teen Challenge but right now he doesn't want to go to rehab, and since he's 22 there's nothing I can do to make him go.
You're doing the right thing. Take care, and all the best.

 

[pigless in VA]

RN, please take time to do something nice for yourself and your husband. You two have been through the emotional wringer. Warm hugs.

 

[ColleenB]

Thinking of you and your husband. Hang in there, you are both so strong and what you have done may save your sons life.

I wish my son had done a rehab as I don't think he can hold it together on will power alone, and I'm always waiting for the next binge.

Take care of you and I hope you can concentrate on work. It's like living a double life.

Hugs

 

[RN0441]

Thank you all so much for your support and wisdom.

My poor husband was so stressed last night. I hate seeing him like that. He was not himself. He had a lot of work problems to come back to that needed sorting out (he is in sales) and said it was like dealing with a monster for the past few days. I get that. Hopefully today he can get caught up and tonight we are going out for a nice dinner to celebrate our small victory.

Kathy we don't even know the rules about contact because my son caused so much commotion that my husband left. I think at some point we get to talk to him once per week for 15 minutes and visit 2 weekends per month. I am not sure if there is a cooling off period or what at first. I know we won't go twice per month since it's an 8 hour drive, maybe once. Husband said he won't even talk to son if he talks about coming home. Creating diversion. We won't do it.

My son was stripped of all his worldly possessions. Phone, laptop, debit card. Everything that WE provided. Husband said maybe now he will lose his sense of entitlement. I have high hopes for this long term program. His brain needs to heal before we can have any hopes for a normal life for him.

 

[RN0441]

We had not heard from son and husband dropped him off a week ago today. Left him in the parking lot after he refused to stay. Puppy eyes. Backpack in hand.

Last night a call came in from the town he is in and we both panicked before answering. It was a nice lady that said our son wanted to talk to us.

He sounded good. He said it was not his weekly call yet but wanted to ask us if we could put money on his commissary account for miscellaneous items. We said we would.

He said he likes it there. WHAT??? Shocked. He said he will be able to do this. He said he is already working in their thrift store.

He will call us every Tuesday and is allowed to talk for 15 minutes. We can visit him the third Saturday of each month from 1-5pm. He cannot leave the grounds for several months.

He needs dress shirts for church but no rush.

He said he cannot call his dad this weekend for his birthday but said Happy Birthday and I love you.

My husband was so happy after this call. He felt so awful about leaving our son like that but he knew we had no choice.

I feel relieved. I had been playing horrible movies in my head. I also feel relieved about the holidays. We will not see him at all until December the weekend before Christmas. At least now we have a plan. Big weight off of me.

I wish we had put him in this program earlier but maybe this is how his journey was supposed to play out.

Thanks everyone for their prayers and support xoxo

 

[Copabanana]

it sounds like he feels protected and contained. and as a consequence, so do you and your husband. i hear the tranquility in your "voice."

what good news. truly. he has real loving community there. it is not about the illness. it is about being a real person through faith. what a blessing.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I've been reading along RN.....what a roller coaster ride you all have been on.....I'm glad things have calmed down and your son is now willing.

I hope you and husband can relax a bit now and nurture each other.

Sending hugs.

You are both truly warriors. You both did an exemplary job in a terrible situation.

Take good care of yourselves....go have some fun.

 

[Kathy813]

What a relief, RN! I am so happy for you. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Your son might not be receptive to the current program if he hadn't spent time in Florida first. The fact that you and your husband have grown stronger also plays a critical part in this. Your son knows that you will not rescue him anymore and that he needs to make this work.

I think the timing for the Christmas visit worked out perfectly. Hooray!

 

[Sam3]

...The fact that you and your husband have grown stronger also plays a critical part in this. Your son knows that you will not rescue him anymore and that he needs to make this work.

That seems so right. Strength begets strength.

 

[Littleboylost]

RN
What a path, no a road a long steep treacherous mountain road you have been on. One with loose gravel and no guard rails over the steepest points.

You have navigated and ensured to steer clear of danger and move forward even in fear.
That is what our love does to us and for our children.

I am so very happy that he is safe and will stay in rehab. I pray that this is the IT factor for your son RN.

A good birthday gift for hubs. Relax, breathe and enjoy the much needed quiet and calm.

 

[pigless in VA]

You two definitely deserve a big treat.