Today's the day...transfer to faith based program...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by RN0441, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    ...and I'm super stressed.

    Husband and son driving from Georgia today to Tennessee. Son texted last night that he read bad reviews on line about the place. I couldn't find anything. Then I replied that there are bad and good reviews on everything.

    Husband called later and told son - when I was on phone to "quit texting your mother; you're with me now".

    I woke up to a text from son at 5:30 am "I'm not going to that place". I did not respond - then after 20 minutes "If I can come home I'll join National Guard". What??

    I did not respond. Husband called a bit later while he was in lobby getting coffee and said son is giving him a hard time too. He firmly told him he must do this if he wants to move forward and have his family in his life. Husband is a bit worried naturally because he hasn't "seen" where son will be living/staying. He told him that he is NOT leaving Memphis with him.

    I'm sure my son is a bit stressed about the unknown.

    I told my husband not to even call me. Just get him there. Son texted a while ago to "please give me a chance". I said "I'm at work and very busy and everything will work out. This program is designed for people exactly like you".

    OMG I just want this to be over. He's trying to manipulate us. He was in Florida 1.5 years and NO CHANGE.
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  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member


    Praying everything goes well.
  3. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    me too on the above hug. Hold tight, I believe you are doing the right thing. You have gone over and above trying to facilitate help for him. Know that. Prayers.
  4. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Oh RN......

    I imagine your stomach and heart are just in knots. Hopefully he gets there safe and sound and your husband can leave.

    Keep us updated

    Hugs xoxo
  5. Beanner

    Beanner New Member

  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So husband got there. Called me (without son around) and said it's not very nice and not in a nice neighborhood.

    Not sure what is happening right now and not calling anyone. UGH.
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I once was in a psychiatric hospital that was in an old building in a "bad" part of town. It was the University of Chicago Hospital. It saved my life and was the best treatment ever.
    I have had to be in suburbsn hospitals since then in beautiful neighborhoods for mefication reactions. Those pretty hospitals were not fit to utter the name of the older hospital in the "bad" nrighborhood.
    Beauty and location dont mean good treatment and vice versa. Your son was in probably pretty rehabs in nice areas of Florida and he still complained, left, and didnt recover.
    When it comes to medical care, the outside doesnt matter. You cant judge the book by the cover, so to speak. It is what is taught inside and, of course, how much your son is willing to put into it. The later is the most important, of course.
    I wish him the very best.
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  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    Yes that is exactly what I told my husband. Plus do the nicer neighborhoods want those types of facilities in them which they associate with "bad people"?

    My son was in a mansion in his last place. I am seriously not making that up. In ground pool, granite, stainless etc. The staff was wonderful so it was not all eye candy. So now he gets to see the other side of not being sober! The old me would be freaking out. I'm not.

    I have not heard back so I'm praying all is okay. I'm not calling my husband because I don't want to add to his stress. I'm sure he'll call back when he is done.
  9. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Rn...he will be fine, if a bit whiney.

    Maybe all the fun stuff at The Mansion is too distracting which takes away from the learning-to-be-sober. Your son seems bright. He can do it. I am one who believes that a bit of God goes a long way. Not everyone may feel that way and thats fine, but I do feel that way. God helped me recover from my horrid car accident when I felt hopeless, like I was too old to recover. But I did!!

    Also, you have grown so strong and smart. That doesnt mean you never cry or get depressed. It means you recognize why this happens and are able to recover.

    Sending all my prayers and warm thoughts.
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Thank you. I appreciate your support.

    Agree with all the distractions, girlfriend etc. I think the place he was at did have a great program but he just wasn't serious/mature. He did participate and do what he needed to do though so I don't get it. Going through the motions?

    As soon as he was in sober living he'd use. Happy he'd use, sad he'd use, angry/lonely he'd use. I told him he has to figure out other ways to cope. This is LIFE. He could do this for ten more years or forever!!

    I am hoping he embraces his higher power and can move past this. He needs to give his brain time to heal and it takes a long time, not 30 days.
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  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hang in there we always have self doubt. You are doing the right thing and are still supportive and helpful to your son. I have been told everything in Canada is ugly in health care compared to the USA. Welcome to socialized health care.
    My sons long term program is on the edge of a wilderness camp and the cabins are pretty rustic. Nothing fancy there.
  12. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    I once visited a hair dresser who was clean for 15 years. He said his parents put him in nice rehabs but it wasn't until he went with these old junkies to a one-star place, that he pulled himself out.

    He said some salty old guy who ran the program asked him:

    "Do you know what your problem is, son?" When he responded, No, salty said "You're an a.sshol.e". And he realized he was one.

    He thereafter worked in rehabs with young people and said he could recognize when they were ready because they would stop being a.sshole.s.
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  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    i agree with the others. actually i would trust this place more. it is not a money making operation. they operate on a shoe string.

    the give me a chance mom, line.

    the chances come from him.

    this is the life that his choices have led to. i think he needs to know that this is a cause and effect deal. and he needs to be afraid. and wonder what next?

    the chances come from him.

    that said, where did national guard come from? i might respond to my son (if i had any self control and mental capacity during our talks)--after you complete the program you are free to consider that as an option.

    rn. i know how scary this is. i am right there with you.
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  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Agree ladies.

    Son just called me. Husband inside. Son did not say anything about it not being nice or in a bad neighborhood. I told him his problem is that he doesn't think he needs help and he said he does need help but he feels this place is over the top. They call each other brother etc. He wanted to go into a place that uses insurance.

    I said no. We've done that for years and they haven't helped. Too many distractions. That he has no idea how much stress this is causing us and if he doesn't stop it we'll both drop dead and he won't HAVE a HOME to worry about!! I told him I know how much he loves us and doesn't want to hurt us and that alone proves that he needs help because I know he doesn't want to do that yet he cannot control it. Also reiterated that many go there in lieu of prison and we are trying to get him to see the light so he doesn't end up down that road. We are giving him the tools. If he uses them or not is his call.

    They have no distractions there. He said he will try it. So I'm hoping husband will be leaving there soon. I am expecting a call from my husband when he leaves. Very stressful day for him I'm sure.

    Copa we had tried to get him to join the National Guard or to do something - anything with his life after high school years ago so I think he thinks that's the magic word. Nope.

    I need a drink.
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  15. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I think i love this program!

    I am impressed son is going along. I have a lot of hope.
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  16. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    RN. Good responses!

    When I read the "give me a chance" plea, even my stomach bottomed out. Im hating this feeling for you and your husband and even for him.

    But just remember all those other times he said every other thing. And he is right back here.

    where he ought to be.
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  17. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I had no idea the rehabs were fancy. I wouldnt have sent my kid to fancy anything. I feel addicts do better with stark, hard reality. I watched those resort like Malibu rehab commercials and wondered what incentive anyone had to get clean. It looks like a reward...a fancy vacation for being an addict. Im sure they have programs, but right after therapy you can get a massage or swim in the ocean.

    Never got how that helped.

    I think this place sounds way better.
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  18. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    My son has done rehab in a lovely old house a block from the beach, and walked away. He did rehab in a very nice facility with basketball courts and a library and a meditation garden with a koi pond under the oaks. He walked away from that one too. He is in a facility now that is in a terrible part of town. The joke there is, "If you decide to relapse, you won't have far to go." So every day son gets to see where his life will be if he relapses.

    I think it sounds like it is in a perfect location, not to mention that the money is going into their program, not their rent.

    Good answers you gave your son, RN!
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  19. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    how is your husband doing? is he on the road? he must be spent. i hope you give us an update soon.

    take care.
  20. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Prayer and hope, what a long journey. I hope hubby gets back safe and sound. Take a deep breath and relax and be good to yourself. This had been such a tough time.
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