Hi soooo tired...glad to hear from you.
I think your name says it all. When we are soooo tired, exhausted, in despair, frustrated, upset, sick at heart...on and on I could go...those are
signals that something needs to change. People are not supposed to live that way for days and weeks and months and years. Most of us here on this have experienced the endless parade of drama and upset from our DCs, and if we are lucky, at some point we have had more of it than we can take, and
that motivates us to start changing. We can change and turn and start walking in a new direction at any point in time. We do have choices. It doesn't feel like we do, but we do. It's just really hard, and sometimes we think it's easier to just keep on doing the same thing over and over again. Even though the results don't ever change.
I just want to live my life without all the drama!! I just want to stay away from all of them!! Is it mean of me to feel like that?
Of course you do! You are not "supposed" to live like this. No, it is not mean. And as SWOT said, this is NOT YOUR DRAMA. You can remove yourself from it. It is possible. Build a "firewall" around yourself of protection.
One thing I learned on this site in the midst of much drama is to just … Slow…. Way …. Down… and Breathe…. It became my mantra to quietly affirm “There is nothing I need to do.”
Oh yes, this is one of my strong beliefs. I used to knee-jerk react all the time to Difficult Child and his stuff. I did that because it made ME feel better. I couldn't not do it, for so long. It released all of the pent-up angst to do something. Whatever it was, send money, answer the phone, respond to the text. I would volley the ball right back every single time. Until I finally learned how to start stopping, and then the peace began to take over...and thank Goodness, that was the start of better times for me. Even though Difficult Child went down and down and down after that.
Soooo tired, there is nothing you need to do right now about all the drama. It is not your drama. Nothing you can do will fix it or change it, but will only drown out any of your own peace.
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Yes you are their mother. But you didn't make these choices, and it's not your life to live. You have your own life to live. What do you what that life to look like? What do you want that life to be? It came to the point, for me, that I was so completely sick and tired of Difficult Child and all of his stuff, that I was willing not to talk to him for a long time---just like you are with your daughter---to have peace. I had to have peace. I was bankrupt with giving to him, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially. I was empty. That was a good day, truly, because I had to change. I had no choice.
Sometimes I feel like I am such a bad mom because I should be there for my children no matter what.
Nope. Don't entertain those thoughts. They are not true. We love our kids so much. All of us on this board love our kids without reservation. As most parents everywhere do. That is a good thing. But what does love demand? I think it demands boundaries. Love demands healthy boundaries. It demands letting people have the space and dignity and respect to live their own lives, regardless if those lives make sense to us or not. And if we don't agree with their choices, and we can't tolerate hearing about them or dealing with him, then we need to take a break from it all. Set physical boundaries, like fewer visits, fewer phone calls, texts, FB messages...set the limits you need to set to create peace in your own life. When they call, dont' answer. I got to the point that I didn't ever have Difficult Child to my house, the house he grew up in, because i would be very nervous when he was here. That is my right, ST. That is your right. If we met, we met somewhere else, at a restaurant or at a neutral place. Taking that step helped me.
You have the right to set boundaries that work for you. That is not mean. That is loving, first to yourself, and then to your children, because it gives them space to grow and to be whoever they decide to be, without interference from us.
We're here for you to help navigate the hard times and the tough decisions. We know how hard this is. Hang in there! Warm hugs.
