JMom
Well-Known Member
Hi all,
I'm not sure if it is appropriate to share in this forum, but here goes. I apologize now for the length of this post.
When my son was deep in his addiction (shortly prior to him becoming homeless), we had a "stand off" so to speak. He had plopped himself down in our front yard, in an effort to shame us into allowing him to come inside our home. This standoff lasted for four days. Yes, four days. After the second day I decided to leave town for a night because I couldn't be witness to his "bottom". (wasn't his bottom-just one of mine).
Well I had a "friend" who knew where I went. The place I went had no phone reception, so when I went to town the next morning I had about 25 text messages and about 14 voicemails. Now this "friend" had offered me money to leave, get a hotel room and take a break. I declined, but left town. I thought my son would leave, but he didn't. A few of the nasty messages were from her about how could I leave him there and how irresponsible it was to let the neighbors have to deal with him. (Interestingly, she did not offer him refuge).
One message was from the police and said they thought he was ready for rehab. I knew the officer that left the message. Upon my arriving home, son was in back yard. (Police asked him to move to avoid more calls of service to my house). He was indeed ready and I did take him.
That same officer visited me a week later to tell me that my "friend" aired all of my dirty laundry to the police (She didn't know one of them was a police academy friend). She also said she didn't appreciate them coming to her house to talk about a "druggie". The officer just said "that person, whoever she is--is NOT your friend". That stuck with me (for 4 years).
Fast forward to the past two years, I have made new friends and lost some along the way. She was a hang-er on. I very unsuccessfully tried to end the friendship several times. She gets a little stalker-ish.
She found out I wrote a book and said she was mad because I didn't mention her and what a great friend she had been to me. I actually unpublished it to add her to the dedication. What the hell is wrong with me?
Ok. so yes, my son is an addict-no secret there. Why do some people feel it necessary to kick us when we are down? That was the lowest point of my life to date. Well, I have distanced myself since January and finally told her two days ago that I re-evaluated our friendship and have decided to go forward without her. I didn't give any specifics and she (so far) has left me alone after the initial 5 frantic phone calls/texts/driving by my house.
I do plan to un-publish, remove her name and put back online. She did chip in to the GoFund me I started to pay for his rehab. She did contribute in that way. Am I being petty to NOT want to give her any credit in light of the things she said? I know the officer isn't lying because she repeated the "friend's" words and knew stuff only that friend knew. That tiny book took me 3 years to write, it is raw, truthful and painful.
I have traded a lot of my in person relationships for the ones that I treasure here. I know I don't get to see you all, but I feel a connected spirited friendship between us and have never experienced a kick from any of you. It was after I found this site that I saw TRUE friendship. You all have suffered with me, comforted me, celebrated with me and I am truly grateful to have the strength to not be a punching bag.
This was the last bit of toxicity in my life that i needed to detach from. It is interesting to me that I use everything I have learned here in all facets of my life. Thank you all for listening and allowing me to get things off my chest from time to time-anonymously.
JMOM
I'm not sure if it is appropriate to share in this forum, but here goes. I apologize now for the length of this post.
When my son was deep in his addiction (shortly prior to him becoming homeless), we had a "stand off" so to speak. He had plopped himself down in our front yard, in an effort to shame us into allowing him to come inside our home. This standoff lasted for four days. Yes, four days. After the second day I decided to leave town for a night because I couldn't be witness to his "bottom". (wasn't his bottom-just one of mine).
Well I had a "friend" who knew where I went. The place I went had no phone reception, so when I went to town the next morning I had about 25 text messages and about 14 voicemails. Now this "friend" had offered me money to leave, get a hotel room and take a break. I declined, but left town. I thought my son would leave, but he didn't. A few of the nasty messages were from her about how could I leave him there and how irresponsible it was to let the neighbors have to deal with him. (Interestingly, she did not offer him refuge).
One message was from the police and said they thought he was ready for rehab. I knew the officer that left the message. Upon my arriving home, son was in back yard. (Police asked him to move to avoid more calls of service to my house). He was indeed ready and I did take him.
That same officer visited me a week later to tell me that my "friend" aired all of my dirty laundry to the police (She didn't know one of them was a police academy friend). She also said she didn't appreciate them coming to her house to talk about a "druggie". The officer just said "that person, whoever she is--is NOT your friend". That stuck with me (for 4 years).
Fast forward to the past two years, I have made new friends and lost some along the way. She was a hang-er on. I very unsuccessfully tried to end the friendship several times. She gets a little stalker-ish.
She found out I wrote a book and said she was mad because I didn't mention her and what a great friend she had been to me. I actually unpublished it to add her to the dedication. What the hell is wrong with me?
Ok. so yes, my son is an addict-no secret there. Why do some people feel it necessary to kick us when we are down? That was the lowest point of my life to date. Well, I have distanced myself since January and finally told her two days ago that I re-evaluated our friendship and have decided to go forward without her. I didn't give any specifics and she (so far) has left me alone after the initial 5 frantic phone calls/texts/driving by my house.
I do plan to un-publish, remove her name and put back online. She did chip in to the GoFund me I started to pay for his rehab. She did contribute in that way. Am I being petty to NOT want to give her any credit in light of the things she said? I know the officer isn't lying because she repeated the "friend's" words and knew stuff only that friend knew. That tiny book took me 3 years to write, it is raw, truthful and painful.
I have traded a lot of my in person relationships for the ones that I treasure here. I know I don't get to see you all, but I feel a connected spirited friendship between us and have never experienced a kick from any of you. It was after I found this site that I saw TRUE friendship. You all have suffered with me, comforted me, celebrated with me and I am truly grateful to have the strength to not be a punching bag.
This was the last bit of toxicity in my life that i needed to detach from. It is interesting to me that I use everything I have learned here in all facets of my life. Thank you all for listening and allowing me to get things off my chest from time to time-anonymously.
JMOM