trying hard not to do something regrettable

[pigless in VA]

I had a conversation yesterday with Ferb about the arrest of this teacher. He told me he and his friends were "sad to hear about it because we like her. She's a really nice teacher." I explained why teachers should not have relationships with students. He agreed.

That's as far as I went with it. I know she has been to my house again. In fact, this time she left her flip flops in my den. I know she's been here because my neighbor is texting me when her car is here.

My daughter returned from a week at the beach with her friend. She told me that she had heard about Mrs. W's arrest and that Ferb is in a relationship with her. Great. I did not want her involved in this ugly mess.

Hold me back. I'm about to go ballistic on this twisted witch.

 

[BusynMember]

At this point, I may get a restraining order against her going anyplace where I may be...like your home. I would not involve Ferb.

On the other hand, there is Ferbs reaction to consider and he still thinks she is nice. Ugh. Honestly...at this point I have no good answers. There are no good answers. Im not even sure YOU could get a restraining order against her sinse she hasnt bothered YOU.

This situation totally sucks. I am sorry that Ferb doesnt see her for what she is. Teenage boys and hormones.....grrrrr.

 

[KTMom91]

If she's leaving stuff behind, she wants you to know she's been there. Call her husband and arrange to drop off the flip flops. She doesn't seem to be embarrassed by the arrest or the publicity, or she wouldn't keep doing what she's doing.

 

[mof]

She is a piece of work! I don't know what I personally would do, but not in my home! Then again it looks like she is destroying herself, so time may handle it for you.

 

[pigless in VA]

Can`t she destroy her life away from my turf?

 

[ksm]

When I tried to get a restraining order to keep a teen guy away from my 15yo granddaughter...the police told me she would have to sign the form. And she wouldn't.

 

[mof]

That's ridiculous, she's 15!!!

 

[susiestar]

If you contact her husband about returning the flip flops, make sure you contact HIM. Just for spite's sake. I would want to tell her that if she is at your home again, you will make sure the DA is aware of it. If you dothat, she will be certain that Ferb finds out and that it drives a big wedge between you and Ferb. Don't let her do that. I would bite my tongue. For now.

Sadly, going back to school will now mean that she does not have better things to do. Ferb will, but she will likely try to hold on to him. I would do all I could to make sure that either her lawyer or the DA finds out that she is still wanting to maintain relationships with former students. Even if you must send an anonymous letter. Write it while wearing gloves! Not to bring Ferb into this, but to be sure that it is known that she is NOT following legal advice to end these relationships. I am sure the judge in her case made it very clear that she is NOT to keep in contact with any former students that she is intimately involved with. If the judge didn't, her lawyer did if her lawyer wants any prayer of keeping her out of prison.

 

[Lil]

You can't normally get a restraining order to keep someone who isn't violent out of your home when an adult, legal resident of your home wants them there and invites them.

Do you have a rule about him inviting people over? Have you asked Ferb about the flip-flops? Like, "Who's shoes are these?" I hate that sounds like prompting him to lie about it...but maybe he had another girl over? Is it even remotely possible? As for the car, is it that distinctive that the neighbor can't be wrong?

Just covering all the possible bases here.

 

[pigless in VA]

Yes, it is that distinctive. She has a memorable license plate. Yes, I have a rule that no one comes over while I am gone unless Ferb calls and asks my permission. Gee, it works so well.

He lied about her sunglasses, so I expect he would rapidly lie about the flip flops, too.

 

[Snow White]

Ugh, what an ugly mess. I'm feeling that teacher is going to try and maintain "positive" relationships with all of these "student/victims" so that they will keep quiet about what is transpiring with her arrest and future court stuff. She wouldn't want more of these students to come out of the woodwork and give evidence against her. At the same time, she just might be a really sick & twisted individual who knows no boundaries. Her contact with Ferb needs to be documented and reported (hidden camera/microphone in the house???).

I would be sick to my stomach knowing she was in my house. And I think I'd be contacting the police/lawyer to see what my options were with regard to her entering MY house.

I do agree with Lil, to do due diligence and ensure that it is the teacher who is visiting your home currently.

 

[CrazyinVA]

How about finding out who the detectives are assigned to her case, and making a phone call? Anonymous, even - saying her car's been seen outside another student's house? Or do you not want to cause that drama for Ferb (which I'd understand). What a frustrating situation .. ugh.

 

[Lil]

Yes, it is that distinctive. She has a memorable license plate. Yes, I have a rule that no one comes over while I am gone unless Ferb calls and asks my permission. Gee, it works so well.

He lied about her sunglasses, so I expect he would rapidly lie about the flip flops, too.

Well shucks.

I agree with CrazyinVA. Maybe a letter to the cops? But of course, if you don't want Ferb questioned about his relationship with her, that's understandable. Still, it might make her think twice about keeping company with him.

I wish I had any suggestions.

 

[Littleboylost]

When I tried to get a restraining order to keep a teen guy away from my 15yo granddaughter...the police told me she would have to sign the form. And she wouldn't.

Rediculous

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

Would your daughter be willing to tell you everything she knows? Do you think Ferb has taken her into his confidence?

Seems like the healthiest thing you could do from an Al-Anon perspective is to tell Ferb that you know that she has been in your home, that it is unacceptable, and that if it happens again he is being kicked out.

But I know that's a lot to ask and would probably push him even further into her orbit.

But at the same time, you really can't control anything but your own serenity and happiness. You already lack control over Ferb's actions, or anyone's.

Maybe letting him go to learn some life lessons on his own is actually what he needs most?

 

[Cheerwyn]

Either this teacher is the most forgetful person ever (flip flop and sunglasses left behind) or she is deliberately trying to create chaos or confrontation. Not to sound crude, but it's the equivalent of p***ing on your territory and seeing what kind of reaction she gets.

 

[pasajes4]

I have a suggestion. What if you took the stance of being concerned for this wonderful woman? Gather Ferb into a loving conversation that begins with, " Ferb I know that you really like this teacher, and she is in a great deal of trouble right now. I know you do not want her to be in even more trouble. I found sunglasses that do not belong to anyone in the house and a pair of flip flops that clearly did not belong to anyone in this house. You need to know that people are saying that a car that looks very much like hers has been spotted at/close to the house. I don't know if this is true or not. I do know that any involvement with an ex student could very much seal the deal for her. It could also land the student in court having to testify. I know that you would not want Ms. X to get in any more trouble. I would hate for people to point the finger at you especially if it is not true."

 

[Littleboylost]

Either this teacher is the most forgetful person ever (flip flop and sunglasses left behind) or she is deliberately trying to create chaos or confrontation. Not to sound crude, but it's the equivalent of p***ing on your territory and seeing what kind of reaction she gets.

I think it is deliberate and that she has a personality/psychological disorder for sure. As well as being a predator.

 

[BusynMember]

Dont they go hand in hand?

 

[Littleboylost]

I think she has some major mixed issues here. Dangerous lady.