Tutor Advice PLEASE!
- Thread starter gcvmom
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W
Wonderful Family
Guest
Check with the school's guidance office and perhaps with a couple of teachers if you know them at all. Both of my son's tutors (easy child still has one) are Special Education teachers. The mainroom teacher's have almost always had a suggestion. Cost was a little high; about the same as one dinner out for all 4 of us at Outback or Red Lobster. But it gave me two nights free of any homework battles at home - worth just about any cost at that time.
We couldn't do Sylvan or any of the other programs with difficult child since just getting him to sit down and do the homework to begin with; extra work was not an option.
The best part, it took the heat off me since a couple of these teachers were friends were their primary teachers at school. Someone else from the district was able to see it "wasn't me".
They also spent many evenings sorting out his backpack and helping him organize since husband and I even touching it would lead to an instant meltdown.
In the end, it got difficult child though grade school; it didn't work in middle school.
FWIT, I wish I had realized after a certain age that I couldn't save him or make him do anything, I would have detached and walked away a lot faster; it would have saved a lot of gray hairs and sleepless nights. Even if it would have meant failing for him. We learned a hard lesson (difficult child and us) that only difficult child can help himself.
We couldn't do Sylvan or any of the other programs with difficult child since just getting him to sit down and do the homework to begin with; extra work was not an option.
The best part, it took the heat off me since a couple of these teachers were friends were their primary teachers at school. Someone else from the district was able to see it "wasn't me".
They also spent many evenings sorting out his backpack and helping him organize since husband and I even touching it would lead to an instant meltdown. In the end, it got difficult child though grade school; it didn't work in middle school.
FWIT, I wish I had realized after a certain age that I couldn't save him or make him do anything, I would have detached and walked away a lot faster; it would have saved a lot of gray hairs and sleepless nights. Even if it would have meant failing for him. We learned a hard lesson (difficult child and us) that only difficult child can help himself.
Last edited:
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
gcvmom,
difficult child 2 has lots of problems with organization, distractions, and study habits too. When difficult child 2 was younger, he received Occupational Therapist (OT) services at school. The Occupational Therapist (OT) had us buy him a different color folder for papers for every subject. The Occupational Therapist (OT) had him divide each folder into sections - 1 for homework assignments, 1 for completed assignments, etc. difficult child 2 was supposed to take the time to organize his papers daily. ( He required lots of help to do this.) The Occupational Therapist (OT) inspected his locker (the inside is always stuffed with garbage) weekly. She made him throw out everything that wasn't necessary - old candy wrappers, bits of string, bits of paper, used tissues, etc. Things improved a bit when he had Occupational Therapist (OT) services. As soon as the school stopped these services, he became totally disorganized in school again.
I used to make difficult child 2 do his homework in the kitchen - less distractions than in his room. Things took forever!!! difficult child 2 has absolutely no sense of time. I found out from his teachers how much time it should take to complete each assignment. I set the kitchen timer. This gave difficult child 2 a visual reminder of how long he was spending on each assignment. The bottom line - Homework time was a living HE77 for me.
Finally, I decided enough was enough. I decided to let difficult child 2 do his homework in his room. However, I remove the most distracting items. difficult child 2 isn't allowed to have these back until he completes his assignments and puts his books back into his backpack. (I keep the backpack in the downstairs hall by the back door. If left to him, it would be stuffed with junk - rotten food, dirty tissues, broken bits of erasers, pencils, etc,. difficult child 2 knows that I inspect it frequently and will throw out all inappropriate items.)
Anyway, the point of all my rambling is that it might be a good idea to get an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation on your difficult child. A good Occupational Therapist (OT) can really help with organizational problems. Just a thought - I hope whatever you decide to do, you're successful in finding your difficult child the help he needs to do his best in school. WFEN
difficult child 2 has lots of problems with organization, distractions, and study habits too. When difficult child 2 was younger, he received Occupational Therapist (OT) services at school. The Occupational Therapist (OT) had us buy him a different color folder for papers for every subject. The Occupational Therapist (OT) had him divide each folder into sections - 1 for homework assignments, 1 for completed assignments, etc. difficult child 2 was supposed to take the time to organize his papers daily. ( He required lots of help to do this.) The Occupational Therapist (OT) inspected his locker (the inside is always stuffed with garbage) weekly. She made him throw out everything that wasn't necessary - old candy wrappers, bits of string, bits of paper, used tissues, etc. Things improved a bit when he had Occupational Therapist (OT) services. As soon as the school stopped these services, he became totally disorganized in school again.
I used to make difficult child 2 do his homework in the kitchen - less distractions than in his room. Things took forever!!! difficult child 2 has absolutely no sense of time. I found out from his teachers how much time it should take to complete each assignment. I set the kitchen timer. This gave difficult child 2 a visual reminder of how long he was spending on each assignment. The bottom line - Homework time was a living HE77 for me.
Finally, I decided enough was enough. I decided to let difficult child 2 do his homework in his room. However, I remove the most distracting items. difficult child 2 isn't allowed to have these back until he completes his assignments and puts his books back into his backpack. (I keep the backpack in the downstairs hall by the back door. If left to him, it would be stuffed with junk - rotten food, dirty tissues, broken bits of erasers, pencils, etc,. difficult child 2 knows that I inspect it frequently and will throw out all inappropriate items.)
Anyway, the point of all my rambling is that it might be a good idea to get an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation on your difficult child. A good Occupational Therapist (OT) can really help with organizational problems. Just a thought - I hope whatever you decide to do, you're successful in finding your difficult child the help he needs to do his best in school. WFEN
gcvmom
Here we go again!
WF, I am TRYING to detach and not take his shortcomings personally. It's very hard for me to do that, but I am trying. He's been more cheerful this week since I'm not nagging so much and trying to be more affectionate despite my frustration.
WFEN, he is actually fairly organized when it comes to his notebook. He has separate colored pockets for each class and keeps his stuff in there neatly. He is getting better about writing the assignments down. But I think he doesn't always hear everything the teacher says -- that may be a focus/attention issue. There have been many times where he's somehow forgotten about something and not done it.
I think managing his time is one of the biggest problems, staying focused and not giving in to what he'd "rather" be doing -- maybe that's just self-discipline. I don't know why he can't get his computer apps assignments done on time (they can only be worked on in class -- no take-home stuff). The only thing we can figure is that because it's a huge class (40-ish) he is either too distracted or overwhelmed. He seems to be more productive when he goes in early or stays late to work on them.
I'm also going to contact the counselor next week to ask about his placements for next quarter. Maybe there would be a way to move him back to a few of the classes he was in and doing well in during the first quarter.
WFEN, he is actually fairly organized when it comes to his notebook. He has separate colored pockets for each class and keeps his stuff in there neatly. He is getting better about writing the assignments down. But I think he doesn't always hear everything the teacher says -- that may be a focus/attention issue. There have been many times where he's somehow forgotten about something and not done it.
I think managing his time is one of the biggest problems, staying focused and not giving in to what he'd "rather" be doing -- maybe that's just self-discipline. I don't know why he can't get his computer apps assignments done on time (they can only be worked on in class -- no take-home stuff). The only thing we can figure is that because it's a huge class (40-ish) he is either too distracted or overwhelmed. He seems to be more productive when he goes in early or stays late to work on them.
I'm also going to contact the counselor next week to ask about his placements for next quarter. Maybe there would be a way to move him back to a few of the classes he was in and doing well in during the first quarter.
W
Wonderful Family
Guest
I know how hard the detachment is; it's a running conversation I have with myself all the time. I just picked-up difficult child's progress report that was emailed to me a few minutes ago. An F in class work because difficult child refuses to correct work; but an A+ on the same science test?
svengandhi
Well-Known Member
We had difficult child tutored at the public library in one of the study rooms. H would bring him and his brothers and they would hang out at the library while difficult child had his tutoring. We used a teacher because the subject was foreign language and he had a real block on it. Our HS also has Honor Society students tutor in school and this year he has a junior girl tutoring him once a week. Saves us $80/week.
I would suggest getting someone who can work with him on organizational skills and "tricks" to make work easier.
I would suggest getting someone who can work with him on organizational skills and "tricks" to make work easier.
My son is an excellant learner with the classic adhd traits of not wanting to do things that he already knows. When he was IQ tested this showed up clear as a bell.
If you have the evidenced based tests in his *** then you can go into the IEP team and make it clear that you want each teacher to do their part to have the assigned work completed. completions are what result in the top grades. This work habit will not hurt him and he will get it. As the adhd learner HATES doing something twice the fact is when he sits down to work he will get it done lightening fast.
I also asked that teachers take time in the beginning of their semester with him to
do the corrections on work he does in a 'draft' so that he is given the comments and
then armed with the specific instruction ie" messy, can not read this" or " needs more discriptive words" he can provide them with the quality they are SUPPOSE
to teach our children.
I would have the teacher who is not having his work turned in explain what he/she can do to turn this around on a daily basis. Can the student be refered to his Special Education teachers room or use the library at school and complete work daily? How much time per day is the teacher(s) anticipating a student spend on the assigned work?
What I did/do is make the evidenced tested potential from the IQ the standard the teachers use as "benchmark" and if the completions are not at that minimum (which for my learner is 90%)it is each teachers obligation to e-mail the Special Education teacher and me so that the appropriate habits are supported.
Do not tolerate manipulating you over this. It is the students work. If he is not willing to behave appropriately then NO priveledges. No going outside. No tv. No playing with friends. No computer use. No computer games. You have to feed and cloth him but he doesn't have to like that either.
use of the computer was not an issue for my learner until he took a leftturn and stopped following the rules.
If you have the evidenced based tests in his *** then you can go into the IEP team and make it clear that you want each teacher to do their part to have the assigned work completed. completions are what result in the top grades. This work habit will not hurt him and he will get it. As the adhd learner HATES doing something twice the fact is when he sits down to work he will get it done lightening fast.
I also asked that teachers take time in the beginning of their semester with him to
do the corrections on work he does in a 'draft' so that he is given the comments and
then armed with the specific instruction ie" messy, can not read this" or " needs more discriptive words" he can provide them with the quality they are SUPPOSE
to teach our children.
I would have the teacher who is not having his work turned in explain what he/she can do to turn this around on a daily basis. Can the student be refered to his Special Education teachers room or use the library at school and complete work daily? How much time per day is the teacher(s) anticipating a student spend on the assigned work?
What I did/do is make the evidenced tested potential from the IQ the standard the teachers use as "benchmark" and if the completions are not at that minimum (which for my learner is 90%)it is each teachers obligation to e-mail the Special Education teacher and me so that the appropriate habits are supported.
Do not tolerate manipulating you over this. It is the students work. If he is not willing to behave appropriately then NO priveledges. No going outside. No tv. No playing with friends. No computer use. No computer games. You have to feed and cloth him but he doesn't have to like that either.
use of the computer was not an issue for my learner until he took a leftturn and stopped following the rules.
compassion
Member
My son has focus isssues and is also gifted. He is 18 and a somphmore in college and I do a lot of acadmic coaching with him. He had an evaluation at Belin-Blank at Univrsity of Iowa in October. This is for 2E (gifted with learning differences).
The things that help are chunking the work in about 20 minutes segments. The gaming stuff: in my experince it helps him focus. he is all over the place. He does not hear stuff in class. I am dealing with the suggetion that he get notes, have a notetaker but deos not want to be "different". Luckily, in collge classes most have syllabus nline. I help orgainze him DAILY. Just today het hough someting was due Tueday when it is due in weeks. He has LDs such as dysgraphia and very clow prcessign speeds. As he is verbally gifted, it could be perceived as laziness. It is not. I focus on strenths.
The natural consequences stuff can result in very low self esteem and failure. I choose to encouage and help. He does nto like to work with anyone but me.
We homeschooled so I could accomadate a lot more. He is now taking classes at college. Last semester they were online.
Compassion
The things that help are chunking the work in about 20 minutes segments. The gaming stuff: in my experince it helps him focus. he is all over the place. He does not hear stuff in class. I am dealing with the suggetion that he get notes, have a notetaker but deos not want to be "different". Luckily, in collge classes most have syllabus nline. I help orgainze him DAILY. Just today het hough someting was due Tueday when it is due in weeks. He has LDs such as dysgraphia and very clow prcessign speeds. As he is verbally gifted, it could be perceived as laziness. It is not. I focus on strenths.
The natural consequences stuff can result in very low self esteem and failure. I choose to encouage and help. He does nto like to work with anyone but me.
We homeschooled so I could accomadate a lot more. He is now taking classes at college. Last semester they were online.
Compassion
compassion
Member
Ropefree, That is somuch my son : he haes what is bring and repetitve. He is taking a speech class and did not want to repeat. He does nto like tradtioanl organziastion. His disabilities center is good. He will take letters to each teacher next week. Ideally he would be orally taking exams, have anotetaker, and get the instrctor's notes before class. In reality, I will be chunking stuff for him and auditorily going over stuff. It will be mainly in Speech and History. Ehics is all discussions: perfect for him!!! 3-D design and I jsut have to help him keep his focus and turn stuff in on ltime. He ahs the same teachr last year for sculpture and have alot of the assigments on the computer (outlines). He needs tons of challenge . I will supplemnt history to keep himmotivated: he likes the primary source readings.
Also, haivng challnge and intersts in other domains is important. He does martial arts , is involved in scouting,gaming, and shooting sports. Compassion
Also, haivng challnge and intersts in other domains is important. He does martial arts , is involved in scouting,gaming, and shooting sports. Compassion
gvcmom, has he had an EEG lately? What you think may be a focus/attention issue sounds very close to what Jessie went through before we got the Absence epilepsy under control.
It is just a thought. She did almost exactly what you describe until we got the seizures under control.
It is just a thought. She did almost exactly what you describe until we got the seizures under control.
gcvmom
Here we go again!
Thanks Ropefree and compassion. I am hopeful the neuropsychologist evaluation will clarify what's going on with him and give me a powerful tool to get the school to support him better.
Susie, I've never seen him "blank out" like I would expect to see with an absence seizure. And he does not report chunks of unaccounted time. Now difficult child 2 DID go through something like that and we had it checked out by a neuro but the conclusion was negative for seizures (can't remember the specifics why right now).
With what I know about him, I'm pretty certain his ADHD and anxiety play the biggest role in his problems. I just don't know what more to do about it besides the current medications and accommodations (which, in all honesty are not very helpful in his current 504 plan in my opinion).
So we'll see what happens -- between the tutor and the neuropsychologist evaluation, maybe we can get him straightened out this year.
Susie, I've never seen him "blank out" like I would expect to see with an absence seizure. And he does not report chunks of unaccounted time. Now difficult child 2 DID go through something like that and we had it checked out by a neuro but the conclusion was negative for seizures (can't remember the specifics why right now).
With what I know about him, I'm pretty certain his ADHD and anxiety play the biggest role in his problems. I just don't know what more to do about it besides the current medications and accommodations (which, in all honesty are not very helpful in his current 504 plan in my opinion).
So we'll see what happens -- between the tutor and the neuropsychologist evaluation, maybe we can get him straightened out this year.
F
flutterbee
Guest
Have you checked out the thread in the archives re: ADHD and Executive Function? The planning, organization, study habits, etc, would all fall under that.
The neuropsychologist evaluation - if you ever get to talk to someone to make an appointment - should help isolate those areas of weakness.
The neuropsychologist evaluation - if you ever get to talk to someone to make an appointment - should help isolate those areas of weakness.
