Unsure where to post..I'm ready to snap.

[Bearsmom]

Hello, I have posted before, about my husband's daughter. Things were better for a bit, she shut us out, and was living in her car in a forest.

Well her car got impounded, so she contacted my hubs.. uggh. He went up to her and found her living in a shed. She thinks she owns it. He tried to persuade her to get help, she was mean to him, he offered to get her some groceries, she said she only wanted money. He concluded that he couldn't reason with her, she loves her shed, says her life is fine, so he got some food anyway and just left the bag there. She looks like she weighs maybe 80 lbs. She stinks, but you can't get her to even go to a hotel to clean up..even if offered. She has called the cops on many members of the family accusing them of child molestation. She calls pretending to be someone else in the family. The latest is she swears my husband raped her and she is pregnant.(her own dad) She is targeting everyone. Just for the record none of these allegations are true. I now can't decide if she is mentally I'll or on drugs or both.

She says dead people talk to her, and she is some powerful being. She also thinks she is under surveillance. The thing is she went bananas at a family members house kicking the door and threatening to break the front window. The police showed up and she became mild mannered and friendly. The cop just made her leave. One hour later she is saying her ex got shot and she needs gas money to get to his house.( Ex is perfectly alive.)

I don't know what we are dealing with. Can a person turn mental illness on and off? Or if someone is high on meth can they just act normal? She is so sinister, I find myself hoping she will go away. I feel bad about that, but my gut tells me she is dangerous. Hopefully someone can give me some insight.

 

[Crayola13]

I don't blame you for being ready to snap. I've never dealt with this, but I'll light a prayer candle for you. I truly hope your stepdaughter gets mental health and drug treatment she needs. Before the drugs, was she exhibiting this psychological behavior growing up?

Copabanana is a member on this forum who is a psychiatrist. I think she may be able to point your husband in the right direction, but if your stepdaughter is 18 or older, it is extremely hard to get a court-ordered three day hold in a hospital.

 

[Bearsmom]

Hi, thanks for the reply. She was a problematic child, as her mom my husbands ex wife tells me. Selfish, mean, and a liar. Always triangulating, her sibs, and causing fights. Very bitter and jealous. I used to like her, she was fun to be around, but she became erratic after a breakup. Her close friends, who can stand being around her say she is on meth, but she has no job, no money and lives in a shed. She is 31. I feel sad for her and can't stand her at the same time. She refuses to seek help, she just wants money, and if you refuse, she tells you she Hopes you die, etc. But in the face of authority, she can act completely like a normal calm person. I am an empath, and being around her makes me physically and mentally sick. Hoping someone here might have some ideas.

As for hubs he struggles to cut her off even after what she said. I have mostly detached myself.
I vent here periodically when I get drawn back in. I appreciate this forum so much.

 

[Copabanana]

What a terrible situation!

As to your question whether somebody can turn it on and off again, I guess the answer would be, sometimes. I have heard it said by a psychiatrist that even the most psychotic of people, can pull themselves together to respond to acute danger. It's as if all of the (few) resources they have they summon up and once the threat has passed, they regress back to baseline.

Based upon experience there is a fine line (or no line) between drugs and mental illness. The kind of drug use that can lead to a break from reality, weight loss, erratic behavior, manipulation of the sort you describe--can induce psychosis. They call it substance induced psychosis. And many people who are mentally ill turn to drugs, to find escape.

Almost every parent here has had to deal with something like you are dealing with, and almost all of us go back and forth as to the cause. Are they mentally ill? Or is it drugs? Is this manipulation? Or is it their character and personality?

And none of us can ever decide, once and for all, unless the child goes into drug treatment, perhaps gets therapy, and stabilizes. In the case of methamphetamine, for example, I have heard that the mental illness (hallucinations, delusions and depression) can endure for years after they stop using drugs.

This is what I suggest. I suggest that you begin to post as much as you can. On your thread and others' threads too. You are dealing with a situation that in all likelihood, will not go away any time soon. Your husband is in a nightmare of a situation.

I found no other way to deal with my own version of this, without posting, which I did night and day, everyday. I believe I have come out the other side, but even now, I do not think I am out of the woods. I post way less, but I don't go far away.

This is not something that for most of us has an ending. It's about building capacity within ourselves, to build muscle to endure that which is impossible to endure.

I am so very sorry you and your husband are in this hard, hard place.

PS I have called the Mental Health Team and the police, and my son was held for several days. In my state the critera for involuntary hospitalization are danger to self, to others, or gravely disabled.

The most powerful thing I did was to turn the focus upon my health and well-being. I accepted (somewhat) that I had no control over what my son did, and by keeping my focus on him, I was killing myself, slowly. I think our shifting our focus on how all of this affects us, is the better thing for our kids, too. I found that all of those groceries I bought only stood in the way of my son needing to deal with his own life and problems.

It's hard. I know it is.

If your husband is open to it, I suggest Al Anon.

 

[JMom]

Hey Bear,

Sorry you are watching this ugliness unfold. As far as your daughter having mental illness or drug use, I think they go hand in hand, chicken or the egg type dilemma. My son was on meth for a time and lost a lot of weight. One of this close friends was a heroine addict and my son did that also, it wasn't his drug of choice, but he did it. Meth and Heroine can both induce paranoia, weight loss and manipulation. I saw a lot of changes in my son and his friend that are much like you describe. In my experience, heroine is the more sinister of the two. My son said would often deny God when he was using. While sober, he admitted that it is something addicts choose to do to eradicate some of the guilt. I think meth and heroine (specifically) bring on a very evil feeling. I hate that your husband has to see his daughter in this state, it sounds like you guys have really reached out to her. I don't have any advice, but will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
JMOM