witzend
Well-Known Member
I'll start with L because it's easier. I sent her an e-mail joke the other day. She responded that she was glad to hear from me. Pretty innocuous, but about the level I'm comfortable with.
We've been talking with M a couple or three times a month. He is still working at L's dad's office, but not for her dad. He told husband that his direct boss was out of town on her honeymoon the past week or so, and M had done something (I don't know what - 'taken too much of his own initiative) that he was worried that he was overstepping his bounds and making unilateral decisions that might get him in trouble when the boss got back.
I called M yesterday to see how he was. He told me the same thing, and that his boss was back and he had asked for a meeting to "explain what he had done and ask if he was in trouble." His 90 days isn't up until November. I suggested that he keep the meeting, but change his approach. It's a small office and I'm sure that three days back the boss had heard whatever it was he had done. Something to do with arrogance, I'm sure. But probably not overt arrogance. I suggested that he approach it as a one on one job progress meeting, and ask how he was doing and if there was anything that they wanted him to work on. If the boss brought something up that she wanted him to change, he could do that before November instead of letting it fester or office territorial lines be drawn. He was clearly worried that he might be out of the job, and wants to keep it. He is also working part time at a Game Crazy place and getting extra shifts in case the office job was going to go away, but has to transfer buses to get to both places.
He called yesterday to say that he had spoken to his boss and it went well. He was glad that he approached it on a positive note, and thanked me for my advice. His boss said she was happy with his work and they felt that in November he would be asked to stay. He is looking at a room in a house that is a ten minute walk to the office job and is also on the busline, and a 20 minute ride to the Game Crazy job.
It's really hard not to offer to help get him an apartment of his own, or offer to help get a car. He doesn't know how to drive, so I'm not as eager to jump into that one. I'm proud of him for finally getting it that while there may be some short term freebies in the world, in the long run there are no free rides. At least, none that you'd like to take. It's really hard to reconnect after so long. I don't even know that "reconnect" is the right word. Our old relationship was built on him acting out and my rescuing him or making decisions for him. My role has changed as much as his has, and while I know I'm not what I used to be to him, I'm not sure how to be anything else. Detachment was easy compared to this.
Anyway, at least I can say I am happy with where he is at. I think that one day soon I will ask him out to lunch and we will talk about moving on. Not yet, but soon.
We've been talking with M a couple or three times a month. He is still working at L's dad's office, but not for her dad. He told husband that his direct boss was out of town on her honeymoon the past week or so, and M had done something (I don't know what - 'taken too much of his own initiative) that he was worried that he was overstepping his bounds and making unilateral decisions that might get him in trouble when the boss got back.
I called M yesterday to see how he was. He told me the same thing, and that his boss was back and he had asked for a meeting to "explain what he had done and ask if he was in trouble." His 90 days isn't up until November. I suggested that he keep the meeting, but change his approach. It's a small office and I'm sure that three days back the boss had heard whatever it was he had done. Something to do with arrogance, I'm sure. But probably not overt arrogance. I suggested that he approach it as a one on one job progress meeting, and ask how he was doing and if there was anything that they wanted him to work on. If the boss brought something up that she wanted him to change, he could do that before November instead of letting it fester or office territorial lines be drawn. He was clearly worried that he might be out of the job, and wants to keep it. He is also working part time at a Game Crazy place and getting extra shifts in case the office job was going to go away, but has to transfer buses to get to both places.
He called yesterday to say that he had spoken to his boss and it went well. He was glad that he approached it on a positive note, and thanked me for my advice. His boss said she was happy with his work and they felt that in November he would be asked to stay. He is looking at a room in a house that is a ten minute walk to the office job and is also on the busline, and a 20 minute ride to the Game Crazy job.
It's really hard not to offer to help get him an apartment of his own, or offer to help get a car. He doesn't know how to drive, so I'm not as eager to jump into that one. I'm proud of him for finally getting it that while there may be some short term freebies in the world, in the long run there are no free rides. At least, none that you'd like to take. It's really hard to reconnect after so long. I don't even know that "reconnect" is the right word. Our old relationship was built on him acting out and my rescuing him or making decisions for him. My role has changed as much as his has, and while I know I'm not what I used to be to him, I'm not sure how to be anything else. Detachment was easy compared to this.
Anyway, at least I can say I am happy with where he is at. I think that one day soon I will ask him out to lunch and we will talk about moving on. Not yet, but soon.
