Update on M

[witzend]

At the beginning of this term, M's girlfriend had kicked him out. We saw him at Christmas and he had a tale of woe about a professor at Community College who was not using the college's web server and M's assignments had gotten to him late because of it and he might have to drop the class and "it's not my fault!!!" I gave him the "Hmm... is that so? That's too bad." Because after all, it's never his fault.

We haven't heard a lot from him lately. A few phone calls here and there. Which is a lot more than we heard from him in the four preceding years. But I made sure to invite him to his dad's B-Day bash next month. I hadn't heard back from him until yesterday.

He says he is still sleeping on his friend's couch. (It's not the streets.) His friend's mother had a stroke recently and he has been helping to take care of her. (He's not the caretaker I'd choose, but it's more about keeping her from wandering than daily living needs.) Another family member has moved in with them so he has less of that responsibility. (Phew!) And he was behind in one of his classes - 20 assignments late - (shades of junior high and high school) but he sent them in to the professor and he's not even getting marked down for not being timely so he's entirely happy! Good! I'm not sure if it's the same class/professor. But, he got himself into a jam, and he worked it out on his own. And most importantly, he didn't run away from it.

He is going to come to his dad's party. He will help us set up and take down after. L, on the other hand, is going to visit her dad's family in CA and won't be available. It was pre-arranged and her dad is paying for it so I don't mind. I'm just not sure how we are going to get M to and from the party, as I was hoping she would do it... I think he lives near husband's brother and wife, so maybe that will work out.

So, all in all, another step on the "You're an adult, keep in touch" road.

 

[Suz]

Sounds good, Witz

Suz

 

[trinityroyal]

Sounds like M is making progress. It's nice to hear.
Trinity

 

[CrazyinVA]

Yup, it all sounds positive.

 

[witzend]

I think it all sounds good to me, too. I have to admit that from my own point of view, after having spent so many years worrying about every breath he took that it seems a little wrong to not feel the need to jump right in or get emotionally involved. But I'm sure it's right.

 

[Star*]

Sounds like he's starting to handle things on his own and has that "let me tell you what I did" thing going on - just like an adult. You done good Mom. He's doing great. You should all be proud. I don't know him and I'm proud of him. Twenty assignments and he caught up? FANTASTIC.

Hugs

 

[DammitJanet]

Sounds very very positive. Way To Go M! And mom!

 

[AnnieO]

Witz, sounds like he's not perfect but is making an attempt. And after all, isn't that all we can ask of anyone, anyway?

YOU GO GIRL! AND Way To Go M!!!

 

[rejectedmom]

It sounds positive. YEAH!

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

That sounds like real progress to me, Witz. Sorting out one's own problems is a very adult way of coping, instead of running to Mom.

Hope he continues to progress.

Love, Esther

 

[Fran]

Finishing up assignments sounds pretty good to me. Good for him and it's great that you see your own progress.

 

[witzend]

...it's great that you see your own progress.

I always say it's never too late to change, so I guess that is proof I can actually understand. I also know that it's very difficult, and that the hardest part for me is to give up my own doubt that I can't make these choices for him. The progress is so slow. But it is progress. Some families never get that, and I'm grateful.

 

[Fran]

I hear you. It's tough for me to understand why they wouldn't chose the better path that we
suggest. I've learned to shrug and let it roll off my back in 90% of the situations. Hard to
believe but like you say, "it's never too late to change"

 

[Hound dog]

A really good update Witz!!

Progress usually comes in baby steps. I'm glad the professor was kind and let him turn in his work. I'm happy he was willing to work it out with the professor and actually do the work involved. Baby steps eventually lead to bigger steps. I hope he keeps it up.

Hugs

 

[witzend]

And yet, husband and I sat at the dinner table tonight 'wishing he would figure out' that he wants the basics of life. A place of his own. In hindsight, I know that's way ahead of the game. But he's 23+ years old and I'd had my own place for 7 years by then. And I was no angel. So, sitting here now I know that maybe he won't ever want his own place and his own stuff. At least, not enough to actively aspire to them. In reality, L doesn't have those things, either. She has no place of her own when her boyfriend kicks her out. Patience... It's really hard sometimes.

 

[ML]

I am especially proud of you mom. Your growth along this road is inspirational. Oh, and M aint doing so bad either. Love, ML