Update on son who punched through wall

[morningcuppa]

I can't that you all enough for your support last week. You may remember my 22 yr old son punched a huge hole in our wall. I made him sign a contract and have given him one month to change his attitude or get out. Any more violence and I will have him arrested.
I have also written to and phoned his doctor. He has been on the waiting list to see a psychologist since January. They are going to call him Wednesday and are discussing his case at the end of the week. I told them he is going to hurt someone soon and that made them take notice.

He still won't speak to his brother though. It's just so sad.
The effects are still with me. Racing heart every time I see him or think of him, the shakes, feel sick and a flushed face. I don't know if he is sick or just bad.
I am an abused parent - how could my own child treat me like this?
:sad:

 

[witzend]

Did you put "interact as part of the family" on the list? If his not talking to his brother bothers you, it should be a requirement of his staying. Stopping anything that bothers you should be a requirement of his staying.

 

[meowbunny]

I can't remember if you're getting therapy or not, but if not, you should. ASAP. You have classic symptoms of PTSD. You don't deserve to live in fear -- no one does. If they put you on a waiting list, explain you are becoming debilitated because of fear even when things are very calm at home, that you shake uncontrollably, your heart races, etc.

If nothing else, get some medications for the anxiety for now and see a therapist as soon as humanly possible.

You've taken some major steps. Now let's hope your son follows through.

HUGS

 

[morningcuppa]

No I've never had therapy and maybe I'll ring my doctor. My heart is still pounding although difficult child has been calm today and gone out now. I like him better when he's not here!

I don't get it. I thought the usual reason kids became violent was that they had witnessed violence or been abused. This has never happened to our difficult child. We have a good marriage and my husband is a sweet gentle man who has a kind word for everone. Both our boys were much wanted and have never been neglected or badly treated. I can't imagine treating my mother the way he treats me.
I just hope he is sick so can be treated.

 

[witzend]

What type of therapies and treatments has your son had?

 

[standswithcourage]

I know how you feel. I have had the same feelings with my difficult child. We have always wanted him never treated him badly - my husband and I have been together for 30 years - good family interaction - I dont know what went wrong - my difficult child punched through a lot of walls - I know how you feel feeling better when he is not there but still worrying about him when he is not - no one - especially a mother should have to be treated like that - I have been treated like you have - it is not right.

 

[trinityroyal]

Sometimes, no matter what we do, our difficult children turn out this way. It's not a matter of bad parenting. We've all done our best, and struggled through meltdowns and rages and all sorts of other horrible behaviour.

Our kids are just hardwired differently, and sometimes we just have to detatch from them, if only for our own survival.

We're going through a lot of grief with our difficult children rages and out of control behaviour right now, so I do understand what you're dealing with.

Gentle hugs, and hope things get better. Please do look after yourself. Therapy, medications, whatever you need. If you're not healthy, then you can't be there to help your difficult child or your other son.

Trinity

 

[Suz]

Hi-

Yep, sounds like a combination of PTSD and "hypervigilance." Anti-anxiety medications (klonopin/clonazapam) has helped me survive those periods and you can take it "as needed."

Suz