The last time I posted my son had gotten himself kicked out of a pay by the week hotel and was back at a shelter. According to him, it was not his fault that he was evicted from the hotel, and if we decided to take him to the shelter instead of allowing him to come home, we were giving him no choice but do drugs again. Mind you, prior to all this occurring he had left / been kicked out of 3 rehabs within a month and been on the streets smoking meth.
He made it about a month at this shelter. On benefits payday, he left and asked us to forward him money from his disability check to stay at a hotel. He has about enough money to stay for a week and a half, and this is if he does not buy drugs.
Reading some posts this week, I saw some in our group remarking on the fact that their children cannot be told a thing. Even though their life is in complete shambles, the misfortunes that befall them are all down to bad luck, and nothing to do with their dreadful decision making. My son, for all his faults, has a very kind heart, like his dad. He tends to make fast friends with others in his situation, bonding through shared experience and empathy. But he always ends up paying for everything with his limited funds and getting ripped off. He will be ready to go to hell and back with these people he has known for a week.
My husband will offer to sit down with him and his friend of the week to come up with some kind of plan going forward, to keep a roof over both of their heads. He has offered to set up jobs for them both, pay them to do yard work, brought hot meals from home (I know, we can be real bleeding heart sillies at times.) Some of these kids are his age (21) or younger, and unlike my son, they have no family waiting in the wings. At 19, 20, they have not a soul in the world. We can't help but want to show them some warmth and kindness. As for my son, we are trying to show him I guess that we respect his agency as an adult, and are just trying to offer some assistance to get things off the ground and moving in a more independent and sustainable direction.
But.....he seems unable to live in anything other than a fly by the seat of your pants kind of way. The mental illness, immaturity, drug involvement. As long as he has food, cigarettes, shelter, and drugs for that day, he is incapable of looking any further ahead. Until the money runs out, and then he wants to hand the problem to us to fix. He is a grown man when he has funds. When he doesn't have funds he is suddenly 12 again. I know all of this is pretty damned obvious to you all, but geez, the things you do to try and break through.
So tired!
He made it about a month at this shelter. On benefits payday, he left and asked us to forward him money from his disability check to stay at a hotel. He has about enough money to stay for a week and a half, and this is if he does not buy drugs.
Reading some posts this week, I saw some in our group remarking on the fact that their children cannot be told a thing. Even though their life is in complete shambles, the misfortunes that befall them are all down to bad luck, and nothing to do with their dreadful decision making. My son, for all his faults, has a very kind heart, like his dad. He tends to make fast friends with others in his situation, bonding through shared experience and empathy. But he always ends up paying for everything with his limited funds and getting ripped off. He will be ready to go to hell and back with these people he has known for a week.
My husband will offer to sit down with him and his friend of the week to come up with some kind of plan going forward, to keep a roof over both of their heads. He has offered to set up jobs for them both, pay them to do yard work, brought hot meals from home (I know, we can be real bleeding heart sillies at times.) Some of these kids are his age (21) or younger, and unlike my son, they have no family waiting in the wings. At 19, 20, they have not a soul in the world. We can't help but want to show them some warmth and kindness. As for my son, we are trying to show him I guess that we respect his agency as an adult, and are just trying to offer some assistance to get things off the ground and moving in a more independent and sustainable direction.
But.....he seems unable to live in anything other than a fly by the seat of your pants kind of way. The mental illness, immaturity, drug involvement. As long as he has food, cigarettes, shelter, and drugs for that day, he is incapable of looking any further ahead. Until the money runs out, and then he wants to hand the problem to us to fix. He is a grown man when he has funds. When he doesn't have funds he is suddenly 12 again. I know all of this is pretty damned obvious to you all, but geez, the things you do to try and break through.
So tired!
