I still have a few concerns. We are all very open, trusting people compared to this girl.
Susie, you said, "And not wanting to do what you learn in a class on parenting because it hasn't worked is a FAR cry from not trying because you don't like the other people there!"
Mom to 3, you said, "it is interesting that this girl has not told anyone else"
The thing is, we don't KNOW for sure if this is really true. It's what THIS girl has told people. I see this in my best friend all the time, she says how concerned she is for her daughter who is a "drama queen" to put it mildly (I think, narcissistic personality disorder is a possibility) and then tells me, is if it's been proven to be true, something her daughter has told her. [aside - that's why urban myths are so successful!]
IF her parents left the parenting class because they didn't like the other people there, THEN yes, I would be inclined to be critical. But even then, we don't know the full story. Frankly, we don't really know if there ever WAS a parenting class.
And especially with difficult child 2's feeling that she doesn't matter to M, it could be anybody that she's using (very perceptive of difficult child 2, I think) - I suspect she's been trying this story on others. Not indiscriminately of course, but why should she wait until now? If her parents are threatening to terminate their parental rights, I would think at 16 she needn't be too worried. If I were in that girl's shoes I'd probably be jumping for joy at the suggestion (apart from being worried for my sister, who I could be cut off from for the next few years). If they are bad parents, then terminating their parental rights wouldn't be done easily, not without a lot of very unpleasant stuff coming out about their poor parenting. It would give M the chance to really blow the whistle on them - she should be glad of the idea.
MidwestMom, I think you may have misunderstood me. I just went back and read what I wrote - I had said I felt M should make a call on this. I didn't mean make a phone call, I meant that M needed to make a decision to take action or request action be taken, by handing it to an adult and not just asking another child. Sorry, it was ambiguous. I don't think M should necessarily make the call herself, but I do feel the responsible thing for her to have done would be to talk to an adult about this, not ask another child to make the call, if she is too afraid to. To simply say, "I am a child, I am in a bad situation, I am too afraid/too young/too innocent to make a call to CPS myself - YOU do it" to another kid, doesn't ring true, especially when that kid has said to her, "I think you need to talk to my parents."
M goes to school. She could talk to a teacher, a school counsellor, the principal. Or would they simply ring her parents first? If they would do that, then why? Has she done this before?
That said - yes, it does sound as if things are not exactly peachy in that house. Whether the girl is supposed to be taking risperdal or not - I don't know. It's possible she was taken off it, or the mother felt it wasn't doing anything, may have spoken to therapist over the phone who said to the mother, "try taking her off it and see what she's like," and the girl doesn't believe this or know about it. From your husband's description, it does sound like they are the sort of people to not necessarily talk to M about such decisions, they'd just go ahead and do it. And it is possible they just stopped giving it to her because it is expensive.
It's not easy parenting a difficult child, especially if you feel you got duped into it when you adopted what you hoped would be a perfect child, and got a double whammy. But then - we also know how parenting styles can make a difficult child's behaviour much worse, even when you think you are doing the right thing.
If you report and it turns out there was good reason, you have definitely done the right thing. If you report and it turns out to be groundless, at least you will know it has been investigated, they are on file in the event of any future reports and if the investigation shows up some needs there, they hopefully will be offered any services they might need and perhaps not know about.
I don't know your system well enough, but I have had to report situations (not a CPS type of thing, more 'dob in an employer for breaking the law' kind of thing) and was really worried that it would come back to bite me if the agency didn't handle things discreetly. In my case - it was handled well, the boss never knew it was me, he said he hadn't realised he was breaking the rules (even though we had complained to him) but he made the required changes without fuss and the workplace was safer. The agency also got back in touch with me to ask if we (the workers) were feeling safer and if there were any more concerns (including any comebacks).
Calling anonymously protects you from possible reprisals. A good agency should do this anyway. If you give your name, then they can come and ask you for clarifying information. If you don't, they can't.
I don't know your agencies. I can't tell you which way to go. But I do think erring on the side of caution (ie at least make the call) is the way to go - one way or another, this girl has problems. I'm glad you spoke to her. And you did explain it very well, I think you and your daughter have good radar. This has been a trying experience for your daughter, but I think it's also a valuable lesson - she will meet people like this through life. Now she's had an experience already, but with you there to help her through it. Good for you!
Marg
