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bran155
Guest
Hey guys. Thanks so much for all of the advice and warm wishes. I haven't been on in a few days. I just have been so busy lately.
Things are much of the same around here. She is still driving me nuts. She comes and goes as she pleases with no regard for anyone or anything but herself. As usual. I had a meeting with the sw on Friday, she says the same thing week after week. Take things away, give her consequences.....yada, yada, yada!!! I have done all that I can at this point. Tough love, it couldn't get any tougher around here. She has nothing, no tv, no access to the computer, no money, no nothing. We dont even do anything for her anymore, no rides, heck we barely talk to her at all at this point. We dont buy her anything, no clothes, no make-up, no nothing!!! We dont even feed her if she isn't here when we eat. There just isn't anything left to take away from her. At this point all I can do is watch her destroy herself. Sad as it is for me, I just don't know what else to do. You name it, we've done it. We are at the end of the journey, she has already been in the system for years. She has been to every day program there is, she has been through the school system twice over, she has been in 3 rtcs, 9 inpatient hospitalizations, juvie twice and every psychiatrist and therapist within a 50 mile radius and all to no avail. We have 2 social workers and an intensive case manager. She has an array of services at her finger tips that she just flat out refuses to take part in. She isn't even in school at this point. She is getting home tutoring for 2 hours a day. The sd has gotten over 10 rejection letters from vairous school programs, no one wants to deal with her. Her record is so bad on paper we can't even get an interview. She is rejected before they even meet her in person. The sd says it's because of her violent past and her Conduct Disorder diagnosis. So her future looks bright - hu???!!!! Everyone agrees that at this stage in the game, it is too late to do much else for her. She has already been through the system and will be 18 in 4 months. So the sw is now focused on helping me get my life back. She comes here and ends up giving me therapy. She says there just isn't anything left we can do for my daughter unless and until she is ready to change her life. It is so devastating to me, my heart breaks over an over again everyday. I am a walking zombie, I dont sleep, I cant concentrate on anything because my focus always ends up on her. I worry, worry and worry some more. She doesn't care what happens to her and she certainly doesn't care what she is putting me through!!! This life is so hard, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy!!! All I can do is pray. And that I do. I pray to my grandma and beg her to watch over my baby girl. No one, no one other than parents like us on this board can ever understand how difficult and heartbreaking raising these kids is. I hate to listen to "regular" parents complain about superficial things such as "my son just won't eat his veggies", oh please!!!! I wish that was my biggest problem. They have no idea how good they have it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They don't know what it feels like to walk around with a thousand pounds of worry and stress on there chests, wondering and hoping that their kid is still breathing!! We as parents will do more for our children in our lifetime than they could do in 10 lifetimes. I so envy "them"
Anyway, sorry I rambled on a bit. Thanks again for being there and listening and thinking of me, it means so much to me to have you all, my cyber friends.
I will keep you all posted. I hope all is well with all of you. God bless.
Things are much of the same around here. She is still driving me nuts. She comes and goes as she pleases with no regard for anyone or anything but herself. As usual. I had a meeting with the sw on Friday, she says the same thing week after week. Take things away, give her consequences.....yada, yada, yada!!! I have done all that I can at this point. Tough love, it couldn't get any tougher around here. She has nothing, no tv, no access to the computer, no money, no nothing. We dont even do anything for her anymore, no rides, heck we barely talk to her at all at this point. We dont buy her anything, no clothes, no make-up, no nothing!!! We dont even feed her if she isn't here when we eat. There just isn't anything left to take away from her. At this point all I can do is watch her destroy herself. Sad as it is for me, I just don't know what else to do. You name it, we've done it. We are at the end of the journey, she has already been in the system for years. She has been to every day program there is, she has been through the school system twice over, she has been in 3 rtcs, 9 inpatient hospitalizations, juvie twice and every psychiatrist and therapist within a 50 mile radius and all to no avail. We have 2 social workers and an intensive case manager. She has an array of services at her finger tips that she just flat out refuses to take part in. She isn't even in school at this point. She is getting home tutoring for 2 hours a day. The sd has gotten over 10 rejection letters from vairous school programs, no one wants to deal with her. Her record is so bad on paper we can't even get an interview. She is rejected before they even meet her in person. The sd says it's because of her violent past and her Conduct Disorder diagnosis. So her future looks bright - hu???!!!! Everyone agrees that at this stage in the game, it is too late to do much else for her. She has already been through the system and will be 18 in 4 months. So the sw is now focused on helping me get my life back. She comes here and ends up giving me therapy. She says there just isn't anything left we can do for my daughter unless and until she is ready to change her life. It is so devastating to me, my heart breaks over an over again everyday. I am a walking zombie, I dont sleep, I cant concentrate on anything because my focus always ends up on her. I worry, worry and worry some more. She doesn't care what happens to her and she certainly doesn't care what she is putting me through!!! This life is so hard, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy!!! All I can do is pray. And that I do. I pray to my grandma and beg her to watch over my baby girl. No one, no one other than parents like us on this board can ever understand how difficult and heartbreaking raising these kids is. I hate to listen to "regular" parents complain about superficial things such as "my son just won't eat his veggies", oh please!!!! I wish that was my biggest problem. They have no idea how good they have it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They don't know what it feels like to walk around with a thousand pounds of worry and stress on there chests, wondering and hoping that their kid is still breathing!! We as parents will do more for our children in our lifetime than they could do in 10 lifetimes. I so envy "them"
Anyway, sorry I rambled on a bit. Thanks again for being there and listening and thinking of me, it means so much to me to have you all, my cyber friends.
I will keep you all posted. I hope all is well with all of you. God bless.
DazedandConfused
Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry for the years of disappointment and chaos. When a difficult child will not buy in at all to help themselves, I can't even imagine how devastatingly painful that must be with a difficult child that puts herself at such risk.
I'm thinking the 1am curfew is about as reasonable as it gets at your house with difficult child.
At this point, I think you're right, protect the rest of the family and yourself. Us Moms of difficult children learn the very hard lesson that truly we can't FORCE our kids to do anything if they are not motivated by rewards and consequences. Some kids simply aren't, and parents that are fortunate to have only PCs just don't get that. Who knows? Maybe I wouldn't get that if I had only PCs.
You have four months left to be responsible for her actions. Do what you can to protect yourself from what she might do. difficult child is going to do whatever difficult child is going to do. I think any kind of help and change will have to be initiated by difficult child and that may never happen. Though, there's always hope and it could change. Your life still needs to be lived regardless of what choices difficult child makes.
In the mean time, you have another child who needs you. I would be putting my energy and focus on him. easy child kids can really take it on the chin when it comes to parental energy spent on difficult children.
(((gentle hugs))) to you.
I'm thinking the 1am curfew is about as reasonable as it gets at your house with difficult child.
At this point, I think you're right, protect the rest of the family and yourself. Us Moms of difficult children learn the very hard lesson that truly we can't FORCE our kids to do anything if they are not motivated by rewards and consequences. Some kids simply aren't, and parents that are fortunate to have only PCs just don't get that. Who knows? Maybe I wouldn't get that if I had only PCs.
You have four months left to be responsible for her actions. Do what you can to protect yourself from what she might do. difficult child is going to do whatever difficult child is going to do. I think any kind of help and change will have to be initiated by difficult child and that may never happen. Though, there's always hope and it could change. Your life still needs to be lived regardless of what choices difficult child makes.
In the mean time, you have another child who needs you. I would be putting my energy and focus on him. easy child kids can really take it on the chin when it comes to parental energy spent on difficult children.
(((gentle hugs))) to you.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Oh, Bran, if your difficult child felt even a fraction of the worry you do, she'd turn right around.
I hope you are able to get some sleep (even if you need medications) and focus your energies on your easy child son. He definitely needs you.
What does he have to say about his sister?
I hope you are able to get some sleep (even if you need medications) and focus your energies on your easy child son. He definitely needs you.
What does he have to say about his sister?
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bran155
Guest
Thanks so much for all of the support.
Terry, to answer your question, my son barely interacts with his sister at all. It is quite sad. I feel so bad for my daughter, however I can totally understand my sons feelings. She tries so hard to be nice to him, hug him, kiss him, tickle him, play with him, anything at all to gain his affections and he just pushes her away every time!!! He is mean to her and I try to validate his feelings as he has every right to be resentful towards her. He has seen her verbally abuse the people he loves the most in the world. She really doesn't mistreat him, he is probably the only one in her life that she is decent to. She has had her moments with him, she gets frustrated with him because he rejects her. She has never been abusive towards him in anyway. She is more on the defense when it comes to him. She is hurt that he doesn't like her so she gets nasty with him to cover up her sadness. On a rare occasion he might give her the time of day, maybe for a few minutes and that's about it. When she was away in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he missed her terribly. He used to draw her all kinds of pictures and talk about her constantly. He used to tell me he missed her and when ever we were in a store, any kind of store, he would find something he wanted to buy for her. It was very sweet. When we used to visit her or she would come home for a visit he wanted her attention so badly, he was all over her. Then when she came home that quickly faded. He put his wall of protection up quickly, within a couple of weeks. He now is like the rest of us......FED UP!! It really breaks my heart because she just loves him so much. I hope when he gets older he will understand that she is ill and doesn't mean to be this abrasive.
Motherhood s*cks!!!
Terry, to answer your question, my son barely interacts with his sister at all. It is quite sad. I feel so bad for my daughter, however I can totally understand my sons feelings. She tries so hard to be nice to him, hug him, kiss him, tickle him, play with him, anything at all to gain his affections and he just pushes her away every time!!! He is mean to her and I try to validate his feelings as he has every right to be resentful towards her. He has seen her verbally abuse the people he loves the most in the world. She really doesn't mistreat him, he is probably the only one in her life that she is decent to. She has had her moments with him, she gets frustrated with him because he rejects her. She has never been abusive towards him in anyway. She is more on the defense when it comes to him. She is hurt that he doesn't like her so she gets nasty with him to cover up her sadness. On a rare occasion he might give her the time of day, maybe for a few minutes and that's about it. When she was away in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he missed her terribly. He used to draw her all kinds of pictures and talk about her constantly. He used to tell me he missed her and when ever we were in a store, any kind of store, he would find something he wanted to buy for her. It was very sweet. When we used to visit her or she would come home for a visit he wanted her attention so badly, he was all over her. Then when she came home that quickly faded. He put his wall of protection up quickly, within a couple of weeks. He now is like the rest of us......FED UP!! It really breaks my heart because she just loves him so much. I hope when he gets older he will understand that she is ill and doesn't mean to be this abrasive.
Motherhood s*cks!!!
