We are going to file contempt charges

[Jen]

Just a refresher, my difficult child son has 3 children by his ex fiance. Because of the trouble she and my difficult child son were in we lost visitation rights. That is right found guilty by association, by another worthless social worker for children services. We went the route for 6 months of seeing the kids through supervised visits that we paid for, after going to court to get that. In taht time she failed on 2 occasions to bring them to the visitation place. We then had to file contempt of court charges on her. We left her off the hook of going to jail, in exchange for monthly visits. All was going well when one time while at a store, my grandaughter and I ran into my son. His child new who was even though he spoke not a word, adn had sunglasses on. Anyway, she said something to the ex's boyfriend that has been extremly controlling (ie, he tries to settup the visits, screens her calls),allh--- broke loose on his end. We have not been able to talk with my sons ex. He answeres her phone, doesnt give her messages,and refusesher to let us see the kids. My husband has already told him that he will get the ex in trouble with the courts for what he is doing. Still no replies. He tells me that they have a lawyer involved in their behalf, and that he has made contact with our lawyer, and that is not true.

So now we are to continue to try and reach her , and continue to docuement as such. Our lawyer told us even if this boyfriend marries my soins ex , he will still have no rights to determining our visits. So now we have to file contempt charges again, cost us again money. Even if we get our request validated, and I am sure we will , we still have the boyfriend to deal with. Anyone have a suggestion as to how to deal with that, while we are in the courts, like restraining order, or contempt on him if he continues to refuse us contact with ex aND KIDS?

jEN

 

[witzend]

I don't quite get what it is that she's in contempt of? Is she denying visits? I can tell you from experience that if the issue you are raising is that she wants you to make arrangements through her boyfriend, whether she marries him or not, there's nothing legally wrong with that. All she has to say is that the contact between you and her is upsetting and it's easier to set things up through an intermediary. She can also say that you aren't cooperating and then the bad behavior is on you, and even go so far as to suggest that the conflict is more important to you than the visits.

If you're getting visits, keep the outside contact to a minimum, and don't give her ammunition to say that you're difficult. She has custody and you never will. She gets to make those kinds of decisions. As difficult and distasteful as it is, you have to learn how to get along with her.

 

[Sunlight]

jen, if there is a court order about the visits, cant a cop help out there?

 

[witzend]

Janet, I've re-read her post several times, because it's difficult to figure out what Jen wants to correct. She didn't say that visits are currently being denied. She said that the mom and her son had a fight, and now the mom doesn't want to talk to her.

Visitation agreements are civil matters so police don't enforce them.

 

[busywend]

Previous posts suggest that Jen is being denied her visitation though.

So sorry to hear that ex's boyfriend is being so difficult. Can you get them to pay for court fees this time? If not they will just do this over and over again. If they have something to lose it would stop this madness.
I know you do not want her to go to jail, so maybe threatening the financial route will work?

 

[witzend]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: busywend</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Previous posts suggest that Jen is being denied her visitation though.
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Her post says that they had been denied visits twice in the past, contempt charges were filed regarding those denied visits, and it was dealt with. I'm just trying to figure out what it is that she wants to file contempt charges about. I have a lot of experience with this type of problem with L and her dad and her stepmom's constant interference.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">In taht time she failed on 2 occasions to bring them to the visitation place. We then had to file contempt of court charges on her. We left her off the hook of going to jail, in exchange for monthly visits. </div></div>

 

[Jen]

Witz so sorry for the confusion, I was in a hurry when I posted.

We originally went to court almost a year and halg ago for visitation . This is when the visits were set up at a mediator place. We ent there for 6 months to see the grandkids. We then went back to court becuase in that 6 months she failed to produce the kids for visitation, whick was court ordered. We had to take her back to court for contempt. We dropped the charges in exchange for seeing the kids every month, that would be worked out by us and her. His name, her boyfriend is not listed on that court order. In july at the beginning of the month after having the kids, I took one with me to the store, and ran across my son while we were there. He talked to grandaughter for a COUPLE OF MINUTES AND THEN LEFT. That is what has the new boyfriend in a tizzy. So therefore he is telling us that we cannot see the kids, that they have been in contact with a lawyer, then that lawyer to ours, (which is not true). boyfriend answere her phone, and refuses to let us speak with her. We call, leave messages and no reply.

Our lawyer has informed us that we will have to take her back to court because she is in contempt of what the court order says. That unless my son gives up parental rights or claim, and he adopts them, he has no rights in what is decided btwn us and ex girlfriend of my son.

Yeah it will cost us, sure we could have her make us pay for the money that will cost. Will we ever see that money...no. This time we have to be serious with her in what contempt could possibly mean for her, but explained and decided by the judge, but we want to find a way that involves the judge that will make the new boyfriend have consquences if he continues to do this. I know he is very controlling of her, but if this is what she wants, then let it be for her, but he will not control us.

Jen

 

[AllStressedOut]

Until your son loses his rights, this boyfriend has no rights. This was the situation I was in until our last court date when I was listed as a managing conservator of all my difficult children and I was married to their father and lived with them. However, if ex claims boyfriend is the mediator between difficult interactions, than she can use him as such. This still doesn't give him rights to refuse visits.

Please don't take this part wrong, but if it were me, I would probably be doing the same thing. If husband's ex's parents were visiting the kids and ran across their daughter and she spoke with my difficult children, I'd be furious. My situation is different though, her rights have been terminated. I still don't think I'd be able to forgive even an accidental meeting. I would just be so angry. My kids are starting to heal and any contact would derail that.

Does your son have visitation rights or are the visitations just for you as grandparents?

When we started this battle we did go against some court orders in the best interest of the kids. The court never fined us and never scolded us, because they agreed it was in the best interest. This may be the route these two are going to try and head down. If so, be prepared for a lengthy court battle. Ours took a little more than 2 years and about $25K-$30K, it might be more, but last I calculated it was between that.

I do not want to discourage you, please don't think that. I just hope you are prepared for all the stress that comes with it. I gained 60 lbs, my mood changed, I just wasn't the real me during those 2 years and I'm just now starting to get the real me back. (((hugs))) for what you're dealing with now and what may come in the near future.

 

[witzend]

Unfortunately, if they withhold visits, it sounds like you are going to have to go back to court. Do you have a set day and time? If so, you should just stick to that if at all possible, and let them either show or not show. You should be really careful of talking to them in anything other than a pleasant tone, though. That lady with DCFS had you in her sights and you don't want her (or her records) to get you in her sights.

Seriously, though, if she wants him to do the talking, unless there's an order that says that he can't, that's not a battle you want to fight. You have to be able to show the judge that you can get along with her.

Good luck!

 

[Jen]

Well our court records say we along with her are to set up the monthly visits, no one else. She may be using him as a mediator, but I really doubt it. We have always had a failry good relationship with the ex , unless it was prohibited by children services because of assocoation to our son. Children services is no longer involved.

My son has no rights to see his kids until he performs the requirements set by the courts to do so, and H--- will freze over before he does it.

The problem is her boyfriend is monitoring, adn either answering her cell (he has his own), or lets it go to voice mail. I beleive the messages are not getting to her. I beleive that shew is in a reltaionship that is controlling and abusive, and feels it is not safe to contact us.

We will think about this but I am concerned thatg if we dont make then accountable, and my feelings are right, God only knows what is happening in that home. He is in all respects a mirror image of my son but with a bigger frame, bigger attitude, and more so controlling.

Jen

 

[Jen]

sorry for all the mispells, I must be tired after working today with computers.

Jen

 

[AllStressedOut]

Is there a fall back schedule if you can not agree to visitation times? If there isn't one, when you go back, insist that there be one. Like the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend, 2 hours on their birthdays etc. If there is one, then file the contempt charges.

husband's ex had major stipulations on her as well and she refused to follow them too. That's how we got to where we are now. I'm happy we are where we are now.

Can I give you some advice that I'm so happy no one ever shared with my husband's ex's family? Stay in contact some how. Birthday cards, holiday cards etc. I think I've mentioned this before. If she keeps the kids from you for more than 6 months, you may lose your grandparent rights. You must show an established and ongoing relationship with your grandkids to really fight this. If she is keeping them from you, this is preventing it. Send the cards certified mail, return reciept. If you know where she works, send them there so that her boyfriend can't interfere. Make sure you stay in contact or at least show you are trying so you have this to show in court. You will need everything possible to help you out.

I'm sorry for what you're going through!

 

[Jen]

Thanks for the ideas. We will need to drive by their house to get the address. We have thought about calling her at her work place where she wouldnt be threatened by him, but havent so far.

Jen

 

[AllStressedOut]

Let us know how its going. I think the next holiday is Columbus Day. Ya think Hallmark makes Happy Columbus Day cards you could send? LOL

 

[witzend]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">My son has no rights to see his kids until he performs the requirements set by the courts to do so, and H--- will freze over before he does it.
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Very sad...