Well. I drug-tested my kid... and surprise!!!

[Bean]

Milestone. But worth the $13 at Walfart.

They had 3 "levels" of testing. 1 for basic weed, 1 for weed and a handful of others, and 1 for the whole nine yards.

I chose the weed one since we specifically ask her about that, and I didn't feel like wasting the extra 7 bucks. Weed is enough for me. I know she's been drinking.

The surprise?

That she took it. Heh.

The verdict?

Positive.

She said, "Of coarse it's positive. I smoked it a couple weeks ago, like I told you already, because I was having a bad day. I told you that. I've got nothing to hide. I'm 19. I'm grown. I'm...(blablabla)"

Of coarse, she's been adamant that she has NOT used weed, so I don't know what she was talking about. It's almost laughable.

But I was proud of US for doing it. For putting the reality check in front of us, and for confirming our suspicions. For crimminy sake, I could swear she was high when she took the test. Who knows? Up in jail they were quite amazed at her THC levels and how long it took her them to go down.

The sad thing is, she's destroying her brain, her relationships, and herself. And she's probably going to end up homeless pretty soon.

 

[DDD]

What?? She didn't tell you "I was at a party where other people were smoking so it must have been absorbed into my body by mistake." Hmmmm. How sad (and frustrating) the whole scene is! Sending hugs. DDD

 

[Bean]

Ha!!!

No, but it was pretty much just as ridiculous.

 

[DaisyFace]

She said, "Of coarse it's positive. I smoked it a couple weeks ago, like I told you already, because I was having a bad day. I told you that. I've got nothing to hide. I'm 19. I'm grown. I'm...(blablabla)"

Of coarse, she's been adamant that she has NOT used weed, so I don't know what she was talking about. It's almost laughable.

Argh!!!

This is the koi that makes you want to strangle them! They argue and argue and swear up and down that they are "innocent"--absolutely REFUSE to admit any fault....

So what do we do? Go to these lengths to PROVE that they are liars (while they protest our suspicions the entire time)...

And when we finally FINALLY show them the smoking gun, they say...

Of course it was me! That's what I've been telling you all along!

 

[Suz]

Now what?

Suz

 

[Star*]

Well at least .......no, no, no.....I'm with Suz....NOW WHAT?

I was thinking High by Osmosis....."I ran through a mist of other kids smoking pot......and....I....."

 

[Star*]

hehehe......Walfart........(I still laugh at the silliest little things like a 2nd grader, but kept thinking - I wonder what it would sound like - WAL.fart) hehehe

 

[Bean]

Now what?

Very good question.

We gave her a week to step up her game. After that, she is going to need to find somewhere else to live. At least that's what I'm saying. I'm not feeling like the husband is 100% with me though.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Shaking head. Sigh. difficult child logic is astounding, isn't it?!

I strongly suggest you and husband come up with an action plan regarding what specifically is going to happen when the week is up. Or, what you're going to do if she manages to maintain control for a week, but falls back into old patterns a week or two later. My experience has been that a difficult child may bring you to that "line in the sand" over and over, which can be very frustrating. Having an action plan so that you know what exactly you'll do on that day will help you when it inevitably comes: pack her stuff (or not), change locks, give her a list of homeless resources, drive her somewhere (or not), and most importlantly, what behaviors will automatically cause you to call 911.

 

[toughlovin]

Yes I agree. In my experience if you have not followed through before the difficult child will not believe you will follow through this time. I know my son did not think I would follow through when he told us he would not leave the house.

My suggestion if you think you really are going to have to make her leave, is to go talk to the police at the PD ahead of time. In our case I went and met with an officer and arranged a time for them to show up because I knew if I called them and my son heard me he would take off.

The police deal with parent/late teen or young adult issues all the time. You will definitely not be the first case like this they have dealt with. Ask their advice. I think it is easier if you go talk to them on your own, rather than trying to explain what is going on in the heat of the moment after calling 911. At least that was my experience.

But yeah have a plan in place for when the week is up. Also don't keep reminding her of the deadline. She heard you the first time. She may choose to ignore you but that doesn't mean she needs another warning.

And I am new here so you may have done all this already and I am just not up to speed...so forgive me if I speak out of turn.

 

[Suz]

I'm not feeling like the husband is 100% with me though.

If husband isn't on board 100% this will be an exercise in futility and your difficult child will respect you even less. You are better off waiting until husband is stronger than trying to put something in motion that you both won't adhere to. It's hard enough doing it as a team but by yourself it will be impossible because you have a built-in saboteur (husband!).

Suz

 

[Bean]

Mmm, good points ladies. Thank you.

The husband is not 100% with me, but I think would back me. But, because we are not both on the same page, I honestly sometimes doubt myself. I would say that I generally take the lead on the decision-making. We talk it out and can get to the same conclusion, but he's a little more leaning to thinking she should be staying with us and needs a little more "love" (aka enabling, is what I translate to be). He did take her on a 36-hour road trip a couple days ago and I think it is helping him to come round to seeing that things haven't changed dramatically enough. And that the same thing goes -- she's welcome here when she's committed to being clean, productive and in control of her outbursts.

Suz, you make a good point. I saw the "in" that happened when she was at my parent's house and was able to manipulate and stretch the rules. That can not happen here. It was horrible.

 

[Nancy]

I brought my difficult child to the lab Thursday for a drug test and will know the results tomorrow. So far all the drug tests we have done since Dec have been negative, whew/phew. I'm in the same boat with what do we do if it's positive. We have told her that she will have to move out but realistically if she doesn't we are left trying to throw her out.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

One thing you need to be careful with drug testing is there are ways to fake out the drug test. When my son first came home from the TBS we drug tested him regularly.... and he passed the first several months. Then some things happened that were strange....some odd results etc. We found out he had faked the drug test. He actually peed in a bottle when he was clean and saved it and then found ways to use that for the drug test... we ended up having to be careful to pat him down, change which bathroom he did it in etc. I know also there are products you can drink before a drug test that help dilute it. So just be aware of that... and all the druggie type web sites they talk about how to do this.

Now of course I don't think there is a way to fake a hair follicle test, and I dont know about blood tests.

Also some drugs are not tested for (like LSD) and some drugs do not stay in your system very long.

THC does stay in the system so if marijuana is your main concern it is harder to get out of your system.