buddy
New Member
Since there's no way to see into the future, the pros seem to outweigh the cons, but rarely is it just a reading issue if it's adhd or ????? So I personally think this would be the best time, try to get the foundation more solid, but kids aren't fluent readers by second grade, I'm sure you didn't mean that though. I don't think it would hurt him and because of his age likely would help..... just always a chance that there's more to it. All you can do is what you do, take it one step at a time and monitor then adjust as needed.
Malika
Well-Known Member
Well, i think I did mean that Buddy - simply because that's what everyone says here, that children should be reading fluently by the end of the equivalent of your second grade... I don't know, I think maybe the expectations are just unrealistic (don't read this, Ktllc 
) - the teacher is so gloomy and negative about J but to me he is doing fine, not knowing any better. He took his reading book tonight to show me what he can do (rare that he does that) and reeled off three letter syllables without a moment's hesitation. I know it's not words yet but... surely things are progressing in the right direction? The teacher kind of gave me the impression J is like the village idiot beside the "normal" children but I just don't see it myself.
) - the teacher is so gloomy and negative about J but to me he is doing fine, not knowing any better. He took his reading book tonight to show me what he can do (rare that he does that) and reeled off three letter syllables without a moment's hesitation. I know it's not words yet but... surely things are progressing in the right direction? The teacher kind of gave me the impression J is like the village idiot beside the "normal" children but I just don't see it myself.Malika... Canadian perspective? The target is to have FLUENT reading "well before the end of grade 2". So... here, if the kid doesn't make the immediate leap when they start teaching reading? Kid gets pulled for intensive one-on-one reading instruction, and in 6 weeks they have 99.99% reading. And yes it works. But the believe here is that the grade 2 target only works if you jump on the slightest delays... early.
Malika
Well-Known Member
Ah, all your good (and conflicting!) ideas have disappeared, shame.
I am in touch with a retired teacher who tutors children and I think she's going to come twice a week for half an hour to help J with reading. I think the teacher is not in touch with J (he may say, why should he be, he has 20 other children to think of also). For example, he complained that even during sports, J does not "listen" and just does his own thing but I watched them this afternoon as their little sports field is visible from my sitting room window. J was participating just like all the others in a series of relay races they were running, setting off at the whistle, standing in line until his turn, etc - true he was jumping up and down exuberantly as he waited and he did cheer himself rather sweetly when he came first each time, but I don't think one can ever expect that J is going to be a silent, unnoticeable presence.
A lot of ADHD children here have assistants that come into school with them to give them one to one help - not teaching help exactly, but explaining what they have to do, helping focus their attention, etc. They are not always given and you have to fill out a lot of paperwork to apply but really the school should be helping me with getting that for J rather than complaining that he is not concentrating properly... but the teacher has never had a special needs child before and so... it's up to me.
I am in touch with a retired teacher who tutors children and I think she's going to come twice a week for half an hour to help J with reading. I think the teacher is not in touch with J (he may say, why should he be, he has 20 other children to think of also). For example, he complained that even during sports, J does not "listen" and just does his own thing but I watched them this afternoon as their little sports field is visible from my sitting room window. J was participating just like all the others in a series of relay races they were running, setting off at the whistle, standing in line until his turn, etc - true he was jumping up and down exuberantly as he waited and he did cheer himself rather sweetly when he came first each time, but I don't think one can ever expect that J is going to be a silent, unnoticeable presence.
A lot of ADHD children here have assistants that come into school with them to give them one to one help - not teaching help exactly, but explaining what they have to do, helping focus their attention, etc. They are not always given and you have to fill out a lot of paperwork to apply but really the school should be helping me with getting that for J rather than complaining that he is not concentrating properly... but the teacher has never had a special needs child before and so... it's up to me.
I just have one other persepctive to throw in here for consideration:
It is possible that no decision will fully benefit J or completely harm J - that one option holds no better benefit for J than another. It is possible that regardless of your choices today - J will continue to develop at his own pace and success will come as his brain matures.
Perhaps you should give yourself a little mental "slack" and realize that NO parent, nor teacher, nor community holds that much power over a child. If we parents could control all the outcomes? Well, there wouldn't be any difficult children in the first place - Know what I mean??
It is possible that no decision will fully benefit J or completely harm J - that one option holds no better benefit for J than another. It is possible that regardless of your choices today - J will continue to develop at his own pace and success will come as his brain matures.
Perhaps you should give yourself a little mental "slack" and realize that NO parent, nor teacher, nor community holds that much power over a child. If we parents could control all the outcomes? Well, there wouldn't be any difficult children in the first place - Know what I mean??
SuZir
Well-Known Member
DF has a point. You don't see to the future. And after you have made your choice and lived with it, you can not know how it would had changed had you chose differently. How about thinking it from other direction: Where would you like to place your hat? You are in enviable position where your work allows you to choose where to live more freely than most of us. But where would you like to live? Maybe if you would live in the place you can feel home also J would had a better chance to fit in. Because despite of him being Moroccan by birth and other side of the family, you are his biggest influence. And while I don't if you have your own ties to Morocco or other Arab countries, to me it have seemed that you identify as a Brit. Are you fitting in any better in Morocco than in your current village? I of course don't know which type of area you spend time in Morocco, if it's more cosmopolitan than your French village, fitting in may be much easier for you. Of course for me (as neurotic person) it would be very tempting to stay that two more years at France and have citizenship thing settled. I would worry that EU's stand to immigration can get tighter because of current economical issues and to ensure the citizenship to J could get even more difficult.
Malika
Well-Known Member
Lol. I love your (as a neurotic person), SuZir!
I feel, yes, more at home in Morocco than I have ever done here. Lots of links and ties there. Britain is cold, rainy, terribly expensive and full of a grey spirit of austerity and racism at the moment... I too (as a fellow neurotic) get into dilemmas about whether we should get the French citizenship - alongside of wanting J to learn fluent Arabic and attach to Islam. You are quite right about my work giving me freedom... very true.
I love the sea... and warmth, the sun and light. I would be quite happy living on the coast in Morocco, probably. I could also spin it out for another couple of years here - but in the village, no, I am really ready to embrace wider horizons....
But I do, honestly, try to live day by day and seize the moment and not waste time in mental projections or worry (well, any more than I can help... )
I feel, yes, more at home in Morocco than I have ever done here. Lots of links and ties there. Britain is cold, rainy, terribly expensive and full of a grey spirit of austerity and racism at the moment... I too (as a fellow neurotic) get into dilemmas about whether we should get the French citizenship - alongside of wanting J to learn fluent Arabic and attach to Islam. You are quite right about my work giving me freedom... very true.
I love the sea... and warmth, the sun and light. I would be quite happy living on the coast in Morocco, probably. I could also spin it out for another couple of years here - but in the village, no, I am really ready to embrace wider horizons....
But I do, honestly, try to live day by day and seize the moment and not waste time in mental projections or worry (well, any more than I can help...
)BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I'm in the neurosis club here, but I'm going to spread a little cheer.
As a young mother of my first child, I also freaked out when he wasn't as advanced as other kids. He always was ahead academically, but he didn't walk until FIFTEEN MONTHS!!! The HORROR! Everyone stared at me as this big, lumbering kid still had to hold my hand at fifteen months while all his little peers walked and even ran on their own. It was very embarassing at child/parent get togethers!
He is 35 now and he walks just fine (when I can get him off his butt...lol). Another example from days when I was MUCH MUCH more relaxed, having raised many kids already. Jumper could not read at all at age eight. They were keeping an eye on her and giving her help, but she still couldn't understand how to put sounds together so s he was HORROR OF HORRORS!!!!! put into a special education class for reading and math, which also gave her trouble.
By then, I was pretty laid back. She is sixteen and a half now and just took a college English class, which she passed. It wasn't easy for her but it was a dang hard class and she did it with no help. She is taking pre-calculous. Her basketball coach is encouraging her to try to get into a four year college because she is such an awesome basketball player and her grades have leaped enough that she could possibly do it, even with learning challenges. The world is hers...she has so much going for her...moreso than most sixteen year olds and I'm sure she will succeed in life. The point of all this?
Just because J. can't read fluently now, I can guarantee you, he will be reading fluently by the time he is sixteen and you will probably smile at how it bothered you and his teacher that he was a little bit later than some other kids. In the big picture, it doesn't matter. The race to walk, potty train, read...in the big picture, as long as they eventually get it, you forget about it as life goes on. Don't worry about it or compare him to other kids and perceived norms. They are just that...perceived.
Hugs
As a young mother of my first child, I also freaked out when he wasn't as advanced as other kids. He always was ahead academically, but he didn't walk until FIFTEEN MONTHS!!! The HORROR! Everyone stared at me as this big, lumbering kid still had to hold my hand at fifteen months while all his little peers walked and even ran on their own. It was very embarassing at child/parent get togethers!
He is 35 now and he walks just fine (when I can get him off his butt...lol). Another example from days when I was MUCH MUCH more relaxed, having raised many kids already. Jumper could not read at all at age eight. They were keeping an eye on her and giving her help, but she still couldn't understand how to put sounds together so s he was HORROR OF HORRORS!!!!! put into a special education class for reading and math, which also gave her trouble.
By then, I was pretty laid back. She is sixteen and a half now and just took a college English class, which she passed. It wasn't easy for her but it was a dang hard class and she did it with no help. She is taking pre-calculous. Her basketball coach is encouraging her to try to get into a four year college because she is such an awesome basketball player and her grades have leaped enough that she could possibly do it, even with learning challenges. The world is hers...she has so much going for her...moreso than most sixteen year olds and I'm sure she will succeed in life. The point of all this?
Just because J. can't read fluently now, I can guarantee you, he will be reading fluently by the time he is sixteen and you will probably smile at how it bothered you and his teacher that he was a little bit later than some other kids. In the big picture, it doesn't matter. The race to walk, potty train, read...in the big picture, as long as they eventually get it, you forget about it as life goes on. Don't worry about it or compare him to other kids and perceived norms. They are just that...perceived.
Hugs
Oh dear, is my agonising over future decisions aggravating you, DF? Sorry....
No, Malika, you are not "aggravating me"... I just feel as though you are worrying and worrying over things that may or may not be as life-altering as you fear.
As I said in my earlier post on this thread - you are describing my own son's early school experiences. He started young...he was the youngest in his class...he could not sit still...he was always off-task...he was behind the other kids in reading...the teacher kind of shrugged her shoulders at him...clearly, he was not expected to excel academically.
Today - you would never know that his early schooling was a disaster. He is an excellent student taking Honors classes. He is a talented writer. He is funny and insightful and has many friends.
I'd like to take credit for all of that - but really, the credit belongs to DS. As he has matured, he has learned to master his ADHD, and worked hard to achieve academically.
I'm merely suggesting that J has the same capabilities.
Malika
Well-Known Member
Well, hang on... In all fairness, I really don't think I'm worrying and worrying... I've been told that J isn't learning anything at school except when he's got one to one attention. He is learning to read, a key time... so many people have told me that if a child doesn't get special intervention for early reading difficulties, they just get worse. I am obviously concerned about what school environment would be the best for him since the prospect of him being just left to one side while the "normal" kids learn doesn't seem like a very feasible one. Thanks for the reassurance, DF - but you did, presumably, take action when your son was little, such as having him repeat the first grade again. Sometimes there are situations where if one doesn't act, opportunities are lost for good.
whatamess
New Member
Malika, you are taking the word of the teacher that J isn't learning anything without 1:1 support; however if that teacher doesn't understand ADHD, then he wouldn't understand a very key element of ADHD is that children often HAVE TO MOVE TO LEARN! J is of course learning while he's in school-it just doesn't look typical and the things he's learning may not be a particular lesson, but other analyzations of his environment and people (emotional intelligence stuff). My own son paces while he's thinking and responding to people and if he were forced (and it has been attempted by staff) to make him "sit and get [information]", he would never be able to process and learn. Please advocate J's movement as necessary for his learning.
Malika
Well-Known Member
Yes, I do think you're right. It cannot be that J is not learning anything... that's ridiculous. Of course only an alternative kind of establishment is going to take seriously the idea of a child moving to learn... I am sure the teacher would be open to some level of persuasion if J were to stay in the school - he seems rather passive and conventional but not closed or authoritarian. I would imagine he would implement ideas proposed by the psychiatrist, for example, and if I really pushed for it I'm sure we could have a team meeting with teachers and psychiatrist present. Trouble is I am not at all sure I am staying here and that is a dilemma that only I can resolve... I think I'll just send you all a postcard when I've decided
HaoZi
CD Hall of Fame
Lol. I love your (as a neurotic person), SuZir!
I feel, yes, more at home in Morocco than I have ever done here. Lots of links and ties there. Britain is cold, rainy, terribly expensive and full of a grey spirit of austerity and racism at the moment... I too (as a fellow neurotic) get into dilemmas about whether we should get the French citizenship - alongside of wanting J to learn fluent Arabic and attach to Islam. You are quite right about my work giving me freedom... very true.
I love the sea... and warmth, the sun and light. I would be quite happy living on the coast in Morocco, probably. I could also spin it out for another couple of years here - but in the village, no, I am really ready to embrace wider horizons....
But I do, honestly, try to live day by day and seize the moment and not waste time in mental projections or worry (well, any more than I can help...
And is this also true of J? If so, what holds you to France?
Malika
Well-Known Member
The fact that, despite everything, he will probably have more chance of having accommodations for his ADHD here and the fact that French citizenship would be so useful to him, for which we need to stay another two or three years. I do not wish to just "use" France to get a passport for him but the fact is that it is a terrible discrimination for children like J that they cannot take the nationality of their adoptive parents and that I have to ask for visas everytime I want to travel with him.
Mattsmom277
Active Member
Malika, you've got tons of thoughts on the move or not to move train of thoughts. I'd like to chime in about struggles with early reading and the potential long term impact. While obviously there will be some kids who struggle with reading and are behind the ball compared to peers, that end up struggling life long. That doesn't mean the lack of intervention on early reading was the source of the problem. Quite often, and more likely even, the delayed reading may as easily be the symptom of a bigger problem for many kids who struggle early on and continue to struggle over time.
Your J does not at all seem delayed. I don't mean he may not be behind peer groups in reading, but I refer to actual neurological delays. It sounds more that J isnt focusing wonderfully, and the lack of focus ends up being such a distraction, he isn't absorbing the reading lessons that the other students are. That is more reflective of his reading delay being a side effect of adhd, to me anyhow. If that's the case, I'd have to say that perhaps this is the first real impact that is effecting J in ways that really require a new approach. I know you don't like the thought of medication, I have to ask though if you are at all willing to reconsider the thought of giving it a trial run and observe changes on medications objectively for a period of time. The medications J is likely to be choosing from (well you and doctor would choose, you know what I mean though) for the most part have no long term side effects after removing the medication. So I think one can safely rule out long term damage from the medications. I mean, if J faces struggles to read this year and it could possibly improve with a helpful medication enabling J to focus more and retain more learning, wouldn't that be much more productive than a huge move and all of the change that entails? Seems like a drastic decision to me. I hope you know I always, without fail, support parents right to whatever choice they make re: medications. I just feel compelled sometimes to make the suggestion when it is clear that there is a chance that medicated, a child may be able to meet the challenges and overcome them, that they face unmedicated.
I also wanted to tell you that my Matt will be 20 at the end of March. He was not able to read simple things like "cat" in grade 2. I was concerned obviously, as were teachers. At the same time, I KNEW that Matt could read if he wanted to. He literally in grade 2 could not read the word cat. Then in the summer before grade 3, he wanted to read a particular book. it wasn't even a childrens book, it was a novel that adults were reading at the time. So he just DID it. And by the time he started third grade, one would have never known he couldn't read at the end of the school year in June of the same year. He tested at post secondary reading levels when tested upon completion of eighth grade. His command of the language and his amazing comprehension when reading is superb. Your J doesn't necessarily face future issues over struggling to read right now. It sounds like your J has his own inattention standing between him and the time needed to be focused when learning a new skill as intricate as reading.
I know you'll work your way through all the thoughts in your mind and end up making a good judgement call whatever you decide your next step with J is. You're wonderful and he is lucky to have you. Better overthinking a problem than giving it too little thought. Please just watch that you don't wind yourself up in worry about a future for J that is not yet written. I know it feels like if you don't jump in at his every struggle, you may be letting him down. Trust me, you are not at all going to be letting him down no matter what you do. If you DO feel compelled to project far into the distant years for J, may I suggest you picture him thriving at whatever he chooses? Your J sounds like a determined little imp that has a curiosity and a creativity that bode extremely well for him in his coming years of life.
Your J does not at all seem delayed. I don't mean he may not be behind peer groups in reading, but I refer to actual neurological delays. It sounds more that J isnt focusing wonderfully, and the lack of focus ends up being such a distraction, he isn't absorbing the reading lessons that the other students are. That is more reflective of his reading delay being a side effect of adhd, to me anyhow. If that's the case, I'd have to say that perhaps this is the first real impact that is effecting J in ways that really require a new approach. I know you don't like the thought of medication, I have to ask though if you are at all willing to reconsider the thought of giving it a trial run and observe changes on medications objectively for a period of time. The medications J is likely to be choosing from (well you and doctor would choose, you know what I mean though) for the most part have no long term side effects after removing the medication. So I think one can safely rule out long term damage from the medications. I mean, if J faces struggles to read this year and it could possibly improve with a helpful medication enabling J to focus more and retain more learning, wouldn't that be much more productive than a huge move and all of the change that entails? Seems like a drastic decision to me. I hope you know I always, without fail, support parents right to whatever choice they make re: medications. I just feel compelled sometimes to make the suggestion when it is clear that there is a chance that medicated, a child may be able to meet the challenges and overcome them, that they face unmedicated.
I also wanted to tell you that my Matt will be 20 at the end of March. He was not able to read simple things like "cat" in grade 2. I was concerned obviously, as were teachers. At the same time, I KNEW that Matt could read if he wanted to. He literally in grade 2 could not read the word cat. Then in the summer before grade 3, he wanted to read a particular book. it wasn't even a childrens book, it was a novel that adults were reading at the time. So he just DID it. And by the time he started third grade, one would have never known he couldn't read at the end of the school year in June of the same year. He tested at post secondary reading levels when tested upon completion of eighth grade. His command of the language and his amazing comprehension when reading is superb. Your J doesn't necessarily face future issues over struggling to read right now. It sounds like your J has his own inattention standing between him and the time needed to be focused when learning a new skill as intricate as reading.
I know you'll work your way through all the thoughts in your mind and end up making a good judgement call whatever you decide your next step with J is. You're wonderful and he is lucky to have you. Better overthinking a problem than giving it too little thought. Please just watch that you don't wind yourself up in worry about a future for J that is not yet written. I know it feels like if you don't jump in at his every struggle, you may be letting him down. Trust me, you are not at all going to be letting him down no matter what you do. If you DO feel compelled to project far into the distant years for J, may I suggest you picture him thriving at whatever he chooses? Your J sounds like a determined little imp that has a curiosity and a creativity that bode extremely well for him in his coming years of life.
I haven't read all the responses. I want to get my iinitial reaction to this down before I thought about what everyone else had to say. Mostly because it is a rather strong reaction on my part.
in my opinion if you and J stay where he is in this same school that has looked at him as an outsider and problem child it is going to end up being very bad for J in the long run. The teachers are doing as close to nothing as I think a teacher can do to make sure that J is learning. The reaction of the teachers seems to be that he is a problem, is not a 'good' child because he does not behave like the rest and is not submitting to their authoritarian approach. They are expecting J to change his style of learning to fit their learning model rather than making ANY attempts to change the way they are teaching so that J is more able to learn.
I don't know if the way they do things is good or bad or caring of not caring on an overall level. I DO know that they are dismissive of J's adhd issues and rather different view of the world than a typical child who does as he is told simply because someone told him to do whatever it is. If J stays in this school system where this seems to be the way things are done, he is going to grow up to HATE school and you are going to have to endure some MAJOR battles simply to keep him in school as a teen (if not before then). He is going to have severely daaged self esteem because the message the teacher is sending is that J somehow 'can't' learn and isn't worth the effort to even try to find a way to allow him to learn. Instead, the teacher is pretty much just allowing him to wander around essentially lost in his own mind while the other kids learn. This is BAD. NOT because J needs to wander, but because the teacher is not even attempting to figure out how to teach him. J will pay in major ways if this isn't changed. My child had 2 yrs of this and it took a long time to undo that fundamental lesson they taught him during those years. That fundamental lesson? You are not as good as the other kids and never will be so why should we bother to even try to help you. It is an ugly message and I have serious doubts that the school J is in now will EVER change to accommodate him.
I do think that the school system should be a major factor in your choice of places to live. It should not ever be the ONLY choice, but should be a major factor.
J is NOT stupid or unable to learn. Yes, most kids learn to read during first or second grade, but not all kids learn to read then. Some don't pick it up until a bit later and this is NOT NOT NOT a sign of how intelligent they are. It is more an issue of how they learn and what is going on in other areas of their lives. While J has a lovely home life, not at all what some children face, his learning style and in being a 'fish out of water' in your current town, can create some problems. He NEEDS teachers who are willing to take the lessons to him and present them in a way that makes sense to him. It doesn't really matter in the long run if he doesn't fit into their traditional, authoritarian style of education. What matters in the long run is figuring out what he needs to be able to learn and figuring out how to make that happen. Sadly, this town's authoritarian style is not likely to change and that means he is not very likely to learn the fundamentals that he needs while he is there.
I would not at all be surprised if J could tell you what was being said as he wandered around and seemngly did exactly what he wanted with no regard for what the teacher was saying. Wiz once went to a meeting of all the parents and kids who played a sport in a town we used to live in. Wiz was seven and spent the entire time rolling around on the floor in the back. The other kids were sitting in chairs seeming to listen (and I have no idea why as it was incredibly boring, lol). The man who was the head of the league was upset about Wiz' behavior and after the meeting started to jump on husband and I. We had tried to get him to sit, it isn't as though we just let him do what he wanted. This man was POSITIVE that Wiz didn't know the rules he had just outlined, etc.... Wiz then parroted back the entire list and discussed the pros, cons and loopholes of the rules. The man was truly astounded, as was husband. I wasn't, but I already was aware of the way Wiz heard everything no matter what (except when it came to chores or things he didn't want to do, of course!)
I know there are benefits to the town you live in. But J is not going to learn well there. He hasn't yet, and things are not going to just change miraculously after so many years of doing it they way they are. J is not going to miraculously change and be able to do thngs the way the school expects either. So the question is what outcome you want and how to get it. I don't know if another city in France or if going to Morocco or another country would be better. There are good and bad things about each option, so you have to figure out which is best for what you and J need.
J is a bright, funny, loving, intelligent child. Regardless of his school performance. I will not ever accept that he 'can't' learn. I thnk he can, but he needs different things than he has now.
in my opinion if you and J stay where he is in this same school that has looked at him as an outsider and problem child it is going to end up being very bad for J in the long run. The teachers are doing as close to nothing as I think a teacher can do to make sure that J is learning. The reaction of the teachers seems to be that he is a problem, is not a 'good' child because he does not behave like the rest and is not submitting to their authoritarian approach. They are expecting J to change his style of learning to fit their learning model rather than making ANY attempts to change the way they are teaching so that J is more able to learn.
I don't know if the way they do things is good or bad or caring of not caring on an overall level. I DO know that they are dismissive of J's adhd issues and rather different view of the world than a typical child who does as he is told simply because someone told him to do whatever it is. If J stays in this school system where this seems to be the way things are done, he is going to grow up to HATE school and you are going to have to endure some MAJOR battles simply to keep him in school as a teen (if not before then). He is going to have severely daaged self esteem because the message the teacher is sending is that J somehow 'can't' learn and isn't worth the effort to even try to find a way to allow him to learn. Instead, the teacher is pretty much just allowing him to wander around essentially lost in his own mind while the other kids learn. This is BAD. NOT because J needs to wander, but because the teacher is not even attempting to figure out how to teach him. J will pay in major ways if this isn't changed. My child had 2 yrs of this and it took a long time to undo that fundamental lesson they taught him during those years. That fundamental lesson? You are not as good as the other kids and never will be so why should we bother to even try to help you. It is an ugly message and I have serious doubts that the school J is in now will EVER change to accommodate him.
I do think that the school system should be a major factor in your choice of places to live. It should not ever be the ONLY choice, but should be a major factor.
J is NOT stupid or unable to learn. Yes, most kids learn to read during first or second grade, but not all kids learn to read then. Some don't pick it up until a bit later and this is NOT NOT NOT a sign of how intelligent they are. It is more an issue of how they learn and what is going on in other areas of their lives. While J has a lovely home life, not at all what some children face, his learning style and in being a 'fish out of water' in your current town, can create some problems. He NEEDS teachers who are willing to take the lessons to him and present them in a way that makes sense to him. It doesn't really matter in the long run if he doesn't fit into their traditional, authoritarian style of education. What matters in the long run is figuring out what he needs to be able to learn and figuring out how to make that happen. Sadly, this town's authoritarian style is not likely to change and that means he is not very likely to learn the fundamentals that he needs while he is there.
I would not at all be surprised if J could tell you what was being said as he wandered around and seemngly did exactly what he wanted with no regard for what the teacher was saying. Wiz once went to a meeting of all the parents and kids who played a sport in a town we used to live in. Wiz was seven and spent the entire time rolling around on the floor in the back. The other kids were sitting in chairs seeming to listen (and I have no idea why as it was incredibly boring, lol). The man who was the head of the league was upset about Wiz' behavior and after the meeting started to jump on husband and I. We had tried to get him to sit, it isn't as though we just let him do what he wanted. This man was POSITIVE that Wiz didn't know the rules he had just outlined, etc.... Wiz then parroted back the entire list and discussed the pros, cons and loopholes of the rules. The man was truly astounded, as was husband. I wasn't, but I already was aware of the way Wiz heard everything no matter what (except when it came to chores or things he didn't want to do, of course!)
I know there are benefits to the town you live in. But J is not going to learn well there. He hasn't yet, and things are not going to just change miraculously after so many years of doing it they way they are. J is not going to miraculously change and be able to do thngs the way the school expects either. So the question is what outcome you want and how to get it. I don't know if another city in France or if going to Morocco or another country would be better. There are good and bad things about each option, so you have to figure out which is best for what you and J need.
J is a bright, funny, loving, intelligent child. Regardless of his school performance. I will not ever accept that he 'can't' learn. I thnk he can, but he needs different things than he has now.
