Why do I let myself hope, just to be disappointed?

[Nancy]

Lil I would strongly advise against giving him the $700 student loan money for his rent. You and I both know he probably is not going to be going to school and if he is he has a dorm right? He gets kicked out of the dorm that means he's also kicked out of school.

 

[Lil]

Lil I would strongly advise against giving him the $700 student loan money for his rent. You and I both know he probably is not going to be going to school and if he is he has a dorm right? He gets kicked out of the dorm that means he's also kicked out of school.

Well yes, that's why he'd need rent, until he found a job. If he gets kicked out of school, he's out of the dorm, which we still have to pay for, but we signed the lease on the student housing knowing that could happen...again, we'd hoped for the best. It is his student loan, not ours. We didn't get student aid. But we put his left-overs from 1st semester in our account. Point is, if he's kicked out of the dorm because he isn't in school, all our financial help stops, including use of the car, so he was hoping we'd give him his student loan money to pay for the rent and utilities until he found a job. Realistically, even sharing a cheap place with this other guy the $700 won't go far with rent, utilities, food, etc., so he'll have to get a job if he doesn't come home. And he doesn't want to come here. And, truthfully, we don't really want him to come here. I'd rather he find a job and stay on his own.

 

[toughlovin]

Definitely do not give him the $700 directly. If you want to pay rent for him then pay the rent directly to the landlord.... not to him. My guess is if he gets kicked out of the dorm he will couch surf for a while.... and who knows if he will actually be able to rent an apartment on his own... probably they will want a co-signer which you definitely do not want to do.

TL


Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders

 

[MommaMia]

I'm sorry Lil. I still remember the Christmas I spent crying the entire day, it was my worst Christmas ever and I really felt no hope that naything would ever be any better. I had to learn how to detach and not expect anything from difficult child. A few years later, a lot of detaching and a support group of other parents and I won;t ever allow anyone to make me feel that low again.

I think for me a lot of my disappointment came because I kept expecting my difficult child to act nice, to grow a heart, to want to make the holiday pleasant. Instead she acted like she always acted and it was too hard for me to accept that she didn't want to be part of a happy family. Once I finally accepted that it was her problem and she could only make me feel bad if I let her I was a lot better.

What does your husband say about this? I agree it sounds like your son is doing more than pot, although synthetic pot (spice) can be a nasty drug and it's not benign.

 

[MommaMia]

I am sorry Lil. My husband and I also are tired of getting our hopes up, and being saddened and disappointed. Just know you are not alone.

 

[Mechdonna2]

Synthetic pot is very dangerous. My 36-year old has been smoking it with pot for years. He has not worked in seven years. He has no interests other than alcohol and drugs. He has lost much of his mental capability. He was gifted as a child.

Presently he has a girlfriend who supports him while she works as a medical assistant. I expect her to leave him one day, but I don't know for sure. She also uses.

Do not underestimate the spice or synthetic pot.

 

[Lil]

Oh I know it is more dangerous than real pot. Not that I want either, but I'd vastly prefer real pot. There was a point where he decided to go into the service (long story, there was a girl he was dating, she was pregnant (not his) and he wanted to support her) and went to the Marine recruiter with his dad...and they wouldn't take him when they found out he'd smoked synthetic. They might have with the real thing, but not synthetic. They suggested the Army, but told him it would be iffy. Which makes sense, because there's NO way to know the long-term effect of this stuff. He would have lied to the recruiter if his dad hadn't been with him...and there are times I wish he had...but realistically, the Corps would have been no place for him. He'd likely get beaten or booted or just go AWOL. He had no interest in any other branch.

I know he's smoked the K-2 type of synthetic. The stuff we caught him with was "Atomic Potpouri". Not Spice, thank God...I know what that will do. Really, the time we caught him was scary. He was slurring his words, could barely walk, was over it for the most part in about an hour. The high is apparently much stronger and lasts less time. We've talked to him about that until we're blue in the face. His "it's just herbs sprayed with chemicals" response floored me. It's the chemicals that are the problem! Does he think there's any quality control there? One pack may not hurt you...the next may cause brain damage! But it's "legal" (which it really isn't in my state, we have laws about synthetic pot) but still you can buy it in the store until the authorities figure it out and ban the particular type. So he can get it without going to a dealer. It scares me what else he may do that's "legal".

It's almost enough to make me think Colorado has it right. Of course, since he's only 18, he couldn't buy there either.

 

[toughlovin]

The fact is kids will do all sorts of stuff to get high and that is worrisome in and of itself. My son will try anything which is why I think he has a major drug problem. So yes synthetic pot is a problem (my son has used spice to avoid getting caught on drug tests - however now they can test for spice). He also has gotten in to drinking cough syrup which makes you hallucinate. And he overdosed on benedryl and mucinex.

I suggest if you havent already that you lock up all your over the counter medications.....

TL


Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders

 

[Lil]

Oh he isn't home anymore...yes, back at school, at least until they kick him out. Then we'll see. But the funny thing about him is he won't take medicine unless you just force them on him. He could be sick as a dog, (granted, this almost never happens - he's disgustingly healthy and almost never sick) unable to breathe through his nose, coughing like crazy, and you can't get him to take a shot of nyquil. When he had surgery and had liquid oxycodone, he wouldn't take it - even when I pracitically insisted. He had to be in pain, wouldn't hardly touch it. Barely took ibuprofen. Yet he'll smoke something that he has no idea what it is. smh