Why is it we are expected.......

[meowbunny]

Every child is different. Every household is different. As I said, at one point the disrespect, the cursing, even the violence at home was secondary to what was happening to my daughter outside of the home. It was much more important to address her truancy, her shoplifting, her theft from everyone. So, for that period, I totally ignored the words. I would simply not respond at all.

For my child, it was not an issue in public. She cared too much what the world thought of her. Even in school, she would never talk to a teacher or a peer in the manner she spoke to me. She understood that people in general would not tolerate that type of treatment.

My child is basically lazy. Before this last journey of hers, there was no way I could get her to help around the house no matter what I tried. To say her room was a pigsty was being polite. However, when she had a job, all of her supervisors loved her. She had a great "can do" attitude. She was happy to do the worst jobs imaginable. She was quick to notice something needed doing and do it. Heck, she was fired from one place for not showing up for work and yet her supervisor still wrote her a letter of recommendation.

To me, mstangchic and MsMag are in the same boat -- they have to tolerate their sons' attitude and words and behavior at this point no matter how much it irritates and hurts. Their boys are almost adults but not adult enough to be sent to the curb according to laws. Once these young men reach 18, situations are different and the parents have the right to make some serious decisions. I do believe it pays to let 17 YOs know that things will be drastically different when they turn 18. Mom and Dad then have the right to say enough is enough and boot the child to the curb. Of course, making the threat and not following through makes the threat meaningless. So, for now, the parents are stuck with kids who feel they can do and say whatever they want and there are no real repercussions that can be made.

And I still stand that we have to do it because we chose to have our kids and keep them, they are our responsibility. SOs aren't. Friends aren't. Employers and co-workers aren't. We have the right to walk away from them if we so choose. We don't have the right to walk away from our minor children.

 

[Sara PA]

I also still believe that consequences are important whether there is mental illness involved or not. A child who curses or speaks disrespectfully at home will not understand why it is not allowed at school or in the workplace.

Consequences are that people won't like him or he may get punished. Punishing a child for being disrespectful to parents may or may not be helpful if the child is unable to control his behavior. Impulsivity, anger, aggressiveness are often brain issues which are acted on without control. Many of our children are aware that some of their behavior is wrong and many of them wish they could behave better. Most of them mean what they say when they vow to never act badly again. They don't want to be bad. There are times when punishing a child for behavior which is the result of a malfunctioning brain is merely rubbing his face in his disability and likely to cause resentment. It is equivalent to punishing a child with stomach flu for vomiting or a child with diabetes for having high blood sugar. That a child behaves badly is not an indication that the child doesn't understand that his behavior is bad and not acceptable. It could be that he has no control over the working of his brain.

 

[Janna]

Well, I'm not gonna comment on the "he can't help it" stuff, because, I think you already know how I feel about all that, and well, I'll just tick people off.

With that being said, I agree with you on the spouse/SO thing. Yeah if my SO treated me the way my kids did, he'd be out on his rear end hahahaha. We just have no choice. This is the hand we were dealt, they're our children, we can't spank them, so we deal with it the only legal ways we can.

Fun, fun. Where's those margaritas when we need em, B?

Hugs.