will i die?
- Thread starter 1905
- Start date
Here is my update, and thank you to the wonderful kind souls offering me a ride to the hospital.
I did get opted in to my benefits. Now I can go to the hospital, gain the weight, and go away to a residential place for 3-4 months.
I can't go right now. My son who is in New Brunswick, Nj ( yes, it's a bad scene up there, that poor , poor child whose privacy was invaded). Well, Cole needs new teeth. I mean all of them. He was born without enamel and the dentist put a temporary fix a few years a go, but it's falling apart and his teeth are loose. I got him an appointment Oct 11, at least to start. He'll be home that 1 day. Plus I'm having a bridge replaced on Tueday at the dentist.
It's excuses. But I really need to eat here, the hopital has awful food and if you don't eat everything they give you a feeding tube. I don't want to be a prisoner, I have to eat, even though I have the worst guilt you can ever imagine. husband bought me my favorite pizza, and candy which i eat every meal. It's so good that the guilt doesn't happen until NOW, after I wake up and realize what I've done. Monday I'm calling that Dr. and tell him I'll go in the 13th. The 12th is easy child's driving test. I can always cancel if I'm higheer than 87. But I'm not. But, I'd rather go to jail honestly because there you won't have to eat. It is jail, and what type of grown-up does this? I'm rambling here. husband thinks everything is fine, and "just eat". He gets angry, but today he's going to a football game and I'll be free of that. Tomorrow I'll call the eating disorder Dr. and tell you when I'm going in. I'll be brave and make the call. You will all be with me while I dial. love all of you!-Alyssa
I did get opted in to my benefits. Now I can go to the hospital, gain the weight, and go away to a residential place for 3-4 months.
I can't go right now. My son who is in New Brunswick, Nj ( yes, it's a bad scene up there, that poor , poor child whose privacy was invaded). Well, Cole needs new teeth. I mean all of them. He was born without enamel and the dentist put a temporary fix a few years a go, but it's falling apart and his teeth are loose. I got him an appointment Oct 11, at least to start. He'll be home that 1 day. Plus I'm having a bridge replaced on Tueday at the dentist.
It's excuses. But I really need to eat here, the hopital has awful food and if you don't eat everything they give you a feeding tube. I don't want to be a prisoner, I have to eat, even though I have the worst guilt you can ever imagine. husband bought me my favorite pizza, and candy which i eat every meal. It's so good that the guilt doesn't happen until NOW, after I wake up and realize what I've done. Monday I'm calling that Dr. and tell him I'll go in the 13th. The 12th is easy child's driving test. I can always cancel if I'm higheer than 87. But I'm not. But, I'd rather go to jail honestly because there you won't have to eat. It is jail, and what type of grown-up does this? I'm rambling here. husband thinks everything is fine, and "just eat". He gets angry, but today he's going to a football game and I'll be free of that. Tomorrow I'll call the eating disorder Dr. and tell you when I'm going in. I'll be brave and make the call. You will all be with me while I dial. love all of you!-Alyssa
LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
Alyssa,
Thanks so much for the update. I've been worried.
Now listen, I know you know this, but this is more than just about eating, cleaning your plate, etc. Even if you are over 87, you need this. Your children need you here and more than just physically healthy.
Are you dialing yet?!
Lots of hugs,
Sharon
Thanks so much for the update. I've been worried.
Now listen, I know you know this, but this is more than just about eating, cleaning your plate, etc. Even if you are over 87, you need this. Your children need you here and more than just physically healthy.
Are you dialing yet?!
Lots of hugs,
Sharon
M
ML
Guest
Just coming in on this. I'm adding my love to the collective embrace of words. xoxo
I have all my benefits in place, re-reading all your posts is giving me the courage I need to call that Dr. back. Today is Friday, I'm calling today. Since I first posted I decided to just eat. I thought I was doing better, but according to the scale-no, I'm not. In a sick way I'm happy about that. There is a sparkle of normalcy somewhere that I need to use to call the Dr. I don't have to go to work today so I haven't any excuses, thank you for giving me support and courage. I have no one to speak to about this except for you all. I have met others in the places I've been to, but their support is really unhealthy, I severed all ties with them. I can't compete-it's too hard. ((((hugs))))-Alyssa. I'll write more later.
Fran
Former desparate mom
Alyssa, you know this is more than just consuming calories. In your state of mind, it's tough to look over all the obstacles to see what is the goal.
I know food is important but something is in the way and husband can't see it and I don't think you always see it.
Getting healthy is about body, soul and mind. It's a lot to work on. I don't know anything about how to conquer this problem.
I'm amazed that at this weight you can work, care for a family or even lift your head from the pillow. Imagine what you could do if you had a little better physical reserve on you.
Hope you get the treatment you need and husband gets it.
I know food is important but something is in the way and husband can't see it and I don't think you always see it.
Getting healthy is about body, soul and mind. It's a lot to work on. I don't know anything about how to conquer this problem.
I'm amazed that at this weight you can work, care for a family or even lift your head from the pillow. Imagine what you could do if you had a little better physical reserve on you.
Hope you get the treatment you need and husband gets it.
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
Alyssa,
I really don't have anything to add to what the others have already said. Just want you to know I've been thinking about you a lot lately and hoping you're finally getting the care you need to get well. Hugs... SFR
I really don't have anything to add to what the others have already said. Just want you to know I've been thinking about you a lot lately and hoping you're finally getting the care you need to get well. Hugs... SFR
Hello everyone,
An update: I'm doing well on my own. I have gained at least 7 pounds. I didn't want to go into a hospital for a month. I can't leave my family, but I couldn't keep living without any energy, that wasn't living. I seriously couldn't even hold my pocketbook.
The hospital has horrible food. If I have to eat, it's going to be foods I like. So, ...I'm doing it! I have so much more energy, and I have my life back. In the long run- I have to do this myself, I can't keep going into hospitals, gain weight, lose it...repeat, ....
How is everyone else doing??
An update: I'm doing well on my own. I have gained at least 7 pounds. I didn't want to go into a hospital for a month. I can't leave my family, but I couldn't keep living without any energy, that wasn't living. I seriously couldn't even hold my pocketbook.
The hospital has horrible food. If I have to eat, it's going to be foods I like. So, ...I'm doing it! I have so much more energy, and I have my life back. In the long run- I have to do this myself, I can't keep going into hospitals, gain weight, lose it...repeat, ....
How is everyone else doing??
H
HaoZi
Guest
Cavechild might have been sleepwalking into school this morning, but got out the door on time without screaming. Great to see you forging ahead with your wellness, keep going!
LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
Alyssa,
glad to hear the update and that you have put some healthy weight on. You say that you are doing this alone, but you are under a doctor's care right?
Positive news! Keep working hard for strength!!!!
Sharon
glad to hear the update and that you have put some healthy weight on. You say that you are doing this alone, but you are under a doctor's care right?
Positive news! Keep working hard for strength!!!!
Sharon
